Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
How I do love the smell of sex-
pungent, foul- forbidden by some.
That stink of lovers entwined;
through moon and sun they lust.
It seems to linger, in strands of hair,
upon sheets now stained forever,
by bitter nectars crying content.
How I do love the sound of sex-
early as the song bird rises
and late as he ceases to sing.
There is the noise- faintly masked,
by musk’s of sweat and cognac.
Soft pleading through satin sheets,
call to me lover- I am your resolve.
Oh! How I love the feel of sex-
flesh shifting upon glorious flesh,
truly never to be mastered by one,
for there is so much yet to be learned.
Moans shatter upon the silence of eve,
harmonious wonders of the human voice.
In an instant it would seem- they die.
La petit mort...
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140,819 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey there! GreenLight24 here with a review or you, representing team blue as we continue to push through this magnificent March review day!
First of all, I have got to agree with what everyone else has already said; awesome poem here! Just your descriptive voice and the way you gave the whole idea of sex an aesthetically pleasing description was very interesting. I like the way you employed sensory detail in this poem as well. My favorite thing about his poem is your final stanza. Not only did you go HAM with your sensory detail, but you also added a whole new layer to this poem by incorporating the mention of "let petit mort". This adds a new layer to this poem because it not only forced the reader to think about the way the emotions of in passionate sex seem to die away as soon as climax has been reached, but also to think about how the very act which creates human life harbors a dark side too. Amongst all of the glamour and the good feelings , there lies an ominous truth that some use sex as a tool for their own selfish ends. This was really cool to contemplate.
I don't really have much constructive criticism for you, but if you wanted to go back and revamp anything about this poem, I would say you could add even more sensory detail. Add some more magic!
Happy Review Day and remember, Always Keep Writing!
Hey Retro here for a review,
I have got to say this is one of the best poems I have ever read. I study French at university, so was very intrigued by the title naturally. You use get imagery here, and you've managed to make something explicit, without being explicit. You also have a good pace which is subtle and not too over-bearing to the read. I also love how you start each of the stanzas.
You've described sex beautifully and I applaud it.
I can't see any mistakes either. Well done, truly.
~Retro
Thanks so much for the kind words!
I would have given this a higher rating.
Thanks!
Wait now I take your meaning. Sorry about that -- I tried changing it but it wont let me. The last site I was on had weird parameters in their rating system, I wasn't sure which would be appropriate. Sorry!
Anytime
That's fine, no worries.
Clever use of that French idiom at the end there - as a university student of French I have to admit I could imagine what sort of poem this would be simply from the title, but I imagine many readers will be expecting something a little different if they were simply translating the title word for word. As for the poem itself it was good, although I almost feel like the phrases used could have been more effective in a story of some sort - still, it was a pretty good poem!
Thanks so much! I actually wrote the poem entirely in French originally, but found that people didn't like translating the poem (plus the meaning was lost in many instances), thank you for the advice and kind words.