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E - Everyone

To Truly Live

by LiviK


I still believe I have a chance even when my heart knows I don’t.

I don’t know why I do this to myself.

I get myself caught up in this mess of lies.

I try to find who I am while everyone tells me what they want me to be.

Could someone save me from myself?

I can’t deal with the wreck of a life I have.

I didn’t expect much from anyone but of course, they thought I did.

So now im stuck in this stupid patterns of I wish

I tried so hard to stop fighting my mind

But when your heart gets mad you have to listen.

I don’t see the point in trying anymore

When all my broken parts are lying on the floor

I can’t open the doors to many

Too afraid of what could happen if I give them any

Any? Any ground to stand on such a fragile land

I don’t see what others do

I lay awake wondering why my sky is never blue

Maybe it isn’t for everyone

Just a figment of the imagination

Like the stars that light up the night

But we never think of why they are so bright.

We don’t take into account that we believe every word

Never questioning what we once heard.

We run wild with thoughts of what may be

But never notice when the one beside us is empty.

There is always someone who is fragile

waiting for anyone to help them win their battle.

We all have different standards

But we all don’t know it truly means to be flattered

We hold our head up high

Only to be shot in the eye by our own pride

I used to hold my heart in my hand,

Its place is now on my cheek.

For it is hard to forgive when your mind is bleached.

I hope one day someone will find me,

Tell me it’s alright.

Maybe one day I won’t have to hide who I truly am.

And I will be able to holdanybody's hand.

Life isn’t what everyone expects it to be.

But hold on, it’s not over,

There is so much more to see.


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Wed May 19, 2021 3:56 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

I know I am late, but welcome to YWS!

First of all, let me tell you your poem was amazing. It felt so real and relatable and something that goes on in every person's mind. You pulled out those thoughts and you presented them so strongly and honestly in your poem. It was beautiful, and I don't have anything else to say other than that I love it.

"I get myself caught up in this mess of lies."

"Could someone save me from myself?"

These two lines hit different when you can actually feel the emotion behind them. At least, it did for me.

"Life isn’t what everyone expects it to be.

But hold on, it’s not over,

There is so much more to see."

This was a really great way to end the poem. After a rollercoaster of emotions, it leaves you with this feeling of positivity in your heart and somehow you believe that it really isn't over yet, that there is still much more to life than the pain it causes us.

LittleLee already pointed out the minor mistakes with the 'any' and "I'm" so I am not going to repeat.

It was a lovely poem and thank you for sharing. Have fun with your writing!




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Fri May 07, 2021 6:07 pm
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hey, LiviK! Welcome to YWS!

Man. I love this poem. I really do. It's very well written, raw and powerful, highly relatable, and is able to move me quite strongly. I felt like the title is almost phrased like a question; on reading it, one may seek the answer to the question of what it is to truly live. That's the hook you needed to draw your readers in. Good job.

I also like how in the beginning of the poem the lines are concise and sharp, with few drawn out words or phrases, but towards the end that changes, and you introduce enjambments and reduce your punctuation. It creates the sense of deep thoughts, vague and disconnected yet put together to form a bigger picture. It's a nice effect that you've made.

So now im stuck in this stupid patterns of I wish

This one line isn't as good as the others. The "im" should be turned into the correct "I'm," and I'm still a little unsure of the use of the last three words... what are you trying to say?

Too afraid of what could happen if I give them any

Any? Any ground to stand on such a fragile land

The transition in the meaning of "any" isn't smooth. It feels rather out of place.

We run wild with thoughts of what may be

But never notice when the one beside us is empty.

These lines reminded me of W.H. Auden's Musee de Beaux Arts. He, too, points out how people are so blinded to the fact that so many around them are crippled by pains and suffering. He notes how those trapped in negativity are ignored by the bustling world around them.

We hold our head up high

*heads*

Maybe one day I won’t have to hide who I truly am.

And I will be able to holdanybody's hand.

This touched me. I can relate to wanting this. I want myself and my sexuality to be accepted, and I want to be able to hold a boy's hand without people judging me. I want to be who I am.

But hold on, it’s not over,

There is so much more to see.

These lines, too, touch me deeply, for different reasons. Thank you for saying this out loud. It's a wonderful thing that you did.

Livi, you're very talented. This poem is lovely, it truly is. It sings to me in a way few poems have before.
I hope to see more of your work around.

See ya!

~Lee




LiviK says...


I am so happy that it spoke to you. And I myself wish I could hold the hand of the people of my choosing as well

For the, "of I wish" it means that I am always going back to the phrase of "I wish"

For the Any maybe I should have gotten rid of the question mark part?

Also thank you so so much! this review means a lot to me. I pour out my whole heart and soul into writing all of my poems. I wondered if you knew how to edit this because the fact that anybody's and hold joined together is nothing me and I would like to fix my errors.

btw I also have one like this called My Life Peom!

Again thank you!



LittleLee says...


Ahh, thank you for clarifying.

I wouldn't claim to be an editor, no :D

I'm just a reader who likes to provide his feedback. I didn't point out "holdanybody's" because I figured it was a typo more than anything else. Next time, I'll be sure to point that kind of thing out as well!




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