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Miss You

by LiviK


Miss you J

I do every day

but now you love another

You say no one could take my place

but he does every day

so that's where I rest my case

For he has your heart in his hands

and all I have is forgotten plans

I don't want him to go away

I know he is the reason why you stay

but if I may

all I want is to feel the same way

Your happiness is always worth it though

So I will sit back and let you go

All I want you to know:

It's worth it to not be your first

I get to see you smile in turn

He brings out the best in you

I just have no clue

why I can't give you that too

Oh yes

yes I do

forever and ever and ever

Miss you.


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Points: 8
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Thu Aug 26, 2021 4:17 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I liked how poetic and beautiful your poem sounded. The way your character talks about missing someone and how they want that person to come back but will probably will never come back, made me feel moved for the person longing for the person that they love. My favorite part of your poem was the part where the character mentions how they do not want their love to go away and that this other person is the reason why their love stays. Up until the line "Your happiness is always worth it though." I liked this because the character is putting the happiness of the person that they love ahead of their own, and that shows compassion.

If I had to make any changes, and I'm stretching it, because I don't really see that it needs to be changed all that much, here is where I would make a few. First, I am not entirely clear on what kind of relationship the main character had with this love? How established was their love? I'm assuming it's a romantic love, but I'm not sure. I know that the person felt deeply for this person that they are writing about, but what was the level of their relationship? Second, what is the relationship between the main character, and the "he" person? Again, it's really not too big of a deal. I get the overall feeling of this poem, and it's that longing for a person that can't really find complete happiness without this love, but will do their best to live their life anyway. Good job and I look forward to reading other poems from you.




LiviK says...


T?hank you for the review! And let me clear up some of the confusion for you lol. I didn't really do a good job of that in the poem did I? Anyway the person who is almost narrating this poem is me, the main character that left was my ex-best friend, and the he is her boyfriend. Hope this makes it easier for you to understand!



vampricone6783 says...


Oh,okay!



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Points: 440
Reviews: 13

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Thu Aug 26, 2021 12:36 pm
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Baranczak wrote a review...



I loved this poem the moment I read it. You have really captured so many emotions here. There is pain of rejection, nostalgia, even a little underlying reproach and bitterness( for example the line: you say no one could take my place|but he does every day”), but overall I think, what this poem reveals is nobility of spirit, even in the most desolate moments. The speaker of the poem is both mature enough and loves the other person enough to realize, that despite their heartbreak, this person is actually doing better without them. There’s a lot of courage in this poem. Another thing I loved was the sound of this poem. It felt more like a ballad or song even than a poem actually ( I don’t know whether you would ever consider putting it to music?). It flows beautifully and what I really admired was the way you let the lines rhyme without making it sound trite or Doctor Seussish. However with all this in mind I think the pinnacle was the last line - strong and simple, it really got to the point. If poetry is the essence of meaning, you achieved it with this poem.





What about the chicken, Jack?
— David Letterman