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I Lost You

by LiviK


What happened to forever?

Why is it always a lie?

How come you hurt me?

For I gave you all of my time.

I am so angry at what you have done.

Push us away until there is none.

How could you be so cold?

When all we did was give you our souls?

How does this work?

Not knowing is tearing me apart.

Fixing this mess is just so hard.

My mind never leaves you

But it has to.

Too much pain surfaces when I think of what we’ve been through

How could it have been so easy to replace me?

I thought that our hearts were the key.

What a world we could have seen

only if it could still be me.

What does he give you that I can’t?

Why do I have to chant?

Act as if I never cared.

How is that fair?

I hate crying over you.

I thought our hearts were one of two

Who knew that I would be losing you?

I could have used a bit of that truth.

I wish I could stop missing you.

But, everything reminds me of all we've been through.

If you weren’t such a big part of all of it.

Forgetting you would be easier,

I must admit.

I should just pull the pictures off of the wall

Before they make me fall

But, you're still my home

So please stop leaving me alone.

Just a single word,

and maybe I could be complete.

So come on over and take a seat

It’s time for us to admit defeat.


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Points: 38
Reviews: 4

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Wed Sep 15, 2021 5:34 am
Nightk wrote a review...



i recently had to loose my friend in a car crash and this poem just hits so hard and unlocks too much memories, i really love the way how the poem can relate to any one reading it and make them feel certain kind of emotions. it really cuts down every friendship strings. i mean there is nothing i would edit out of except some certain things that should be omitted. to make the poem something like this.

What happened to forever?

Why is it always a lie?

How come you hurt me?

For I gave you all my time.

I am so angry at what you have done.

Push us away until there is none.

How could you be so cold?

When all we did was give you our souls?

How does this work?

Not knowing is tearing me apart.

Fixing this mess is so hard.

My mind never leaves you

But it has to.

Too much pain surfaces when i think of what we’ve been through

How could it have been so easy to replace me?

I thought that our hearts were the key.

What a world we could have seen

only if it could still be me.

What does he give you that I can’t?

Why do I have to chant?

Act as if I never cared.

How is that fair?

I hate crying over you.

I thought our hearts were one of two

Who knew that I would be losing you?

I could have used a bit of that truth.

I wish I could stop missing you.

But, everything reminds me of all we've been through.

If you weren’t such a big part of it all.

Forgetting you would be easier,

I must admit.

I should pull the pictures off of the wall

Before they make me fall

But, you're still my home

So please stop leaving me alone.

a single word,

and I could be complete.

So come on over and take a seat

It’s time for us to admit defeat.

it is pretty much the same, just removed some stuff.
over all i really loved how the poem got to me and it was really amazing it made me burst into tears.
i really love how it connects with someone's emotions on a different level. ;)




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13 Reviews


Points: 338
Reviews: 13

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Wed Sep 15, 2021 1:41 am
BornToBeGreat wrote a review...



Hello, how are you doing? Hope you have been having a good/night!
Wow, I have no idea what it's like to lose a friend to someone else, but this poem, though. I really like how you included the lines, "What happened to forever" and "Too much pain surfaces when I think of what we’ve been through."
Probably the line that hit me the most was, "I should just pull the pictures off of the wall. Before they make me fall. But, you're still my home. So please stop leaving me alone." Actually...I feel like the whole poem hit me. I haven't read anything like this really, but I anticipated that I would stumble upon it eventually. This poem can show us how fast a beloved friend can literally forget about us and leave us in the dirt. People like this will maybe even act like you never existed. Overall, I can't believe this. The whole poem hit me. I feel extremely sorry for you, my deepest condolences go out to you. Anyways, this is an excellent piece of writing. You have done well.
Keep writing and don't let anyone discourage you! Have a great day!

-BornToBeGreat




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119 Reviews


Points: 8975
Reviews: 119

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Sun Sep 12, 2021 5:25 am
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FireEyes wrote a review...



Hello LiviK! Incoming review!

I would like to preface that I'm sorry for your loss as said in the description of your poem. <3 I hope your pain eases quickly. With that said, let me get onto the review.

Let me start out with critique.

But it has to.

Too much pain surfaces when I think of what we’ve been through
When it comes to these two lines, the first one is way too short in comparison to the other line's lengths, and right after comes quite a long line that throws off the balance of the flow. I think you could mend this by adding a two-syllable word to the first line and breaking up the second line between "surfaces/when I think." It would make this awkward fumble in the middle of the poem smoother.

Another thing I noticed is these lines
What a world we could have seen

only if it could still be me.
You continued the line after with a lowercase letter as if it were a sentence with no line stop. I think this is every poet's peeve but auto-capitalization for each line doesn't look too flattering especially when you have lines such as this. You can keep the auto-capitalization because it is stylistic, but if you're gonna keep it, maybe change this line to be capitalized too ;)

I also saw that you rhymed "you" with "through" a lot and it came off as redundant. Unless you intended for it to be this way, there are always more words out there.

But I'm done with critique, let me praise your work.
I should just pull the pictures off of the wall

Before they make me fall

But, you're still my home

So please stop leaving me alone.
Wow these lines convey so much in so few words. I can feel your longing for them, but you know it's not gonna be the same ever again, so why keep trying to get them back? Friendships are hard to maintain, especially in this age range when drama is just the forefront of your life. But hey, adulthood get better, right? Right?

But anyway that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful! Keep on writing, I can see you convey emotion really well without an excess of words. Anyway byeeeeeeee<3

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Points: 86
Reviews: 3

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Sun Sep 12, 2021 12:23 am
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snapcracklepop wrote a review...



I don't really know what it's like to lose a friend to another person, but I think you capture both the sadness and pure disdain for your ex-friend perfectly in these two stanzas:

"How could you be so cold?

When all we did was give you our souls?"

I think it depends on how this sounds in the reader's head, but I read it with both a melancholy and bitter tone, if that makes sense.

Oh, and this stanza um..broke me.

"I should just pull the pictures off of the wall

Before they make me fall

But, you're still my home

So please stop leaving me alone.

Just a single word,

and maybe I could be complete."

I really, really hope this poem gets the praise it deserves. And I really, really hope that things get better for you and your best friend. I hope she realizes that her BFF is one kickass poet, too.

Keep writing, and take care of yourself.

Cheers!

-snapcracklepop




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Points: 440
Reviews: 13

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Sat Sep 11, 2021 8:29 pm
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Baranczak wrote a review...



I love this poem. I love the strong opening line “What happened to forever?” It perfectly sets up the mood of the rest of the poem: hurt, nostalgic, and a bit defiant, even angry. I think there is also this feeling of confusion and disorientation. The narrator is terribly hurt, but what hurts them even more than the actual abandonment is the utter silence on the other end. They don’t seem to know why this has suddenly happened, pointing out that “not knowing is tearing me apart”. You really expressed how people so often repeat and keep cutting themselves with their churning thoughts “ my mind never leaves you”. I also love the way the narrator thinks of himself as half of the other person, “ I thought our hearts were one of two”. It makes it all the harsher then, to be cut off from a bit of oneself. And I think there’s this feeling at the end that the narrator has that’s really interesting. He would love to have this person come back but he really needs closure, he gets it that he’s defeated. I like that you expressed all this emotional complexity.




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34 Reviews


Points: 234
Reviews: 34

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Sat Sep 11, 2021 7:17 pm
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JohnKlue says...



This poem feels like the mourning of a relationship.

A reflection on people who are no longer in your life or rather People who no longer want to be in your life.
The words seem abstract in a lot of areas but this is an abstract emotion.





Your presence can give happiness. I hope you remember that.
— Jin, BTS