Wash me away
From a burning hell
Wash me away
From a crimson field
Wash me away
When the carrion feast
Wash me away
Into your dreamless sleep.
When the dawn breaks
Over a red mist
Over a field of corpses
And a pitiless wind
Wash me away
So I may know
Blissful relief.
When the sightless eyes
Of a thousand lost dreams
And the black banners hang
Over a thousand thresholds
Wash me away
To a sacred haven.
Wash me away
From the fatherless children
Wash me away
From the abandoned homes
Wash me away
From the widowed souls
And wash me away
To a dreamless sleep.
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139,672 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
This is absolutely gorgeous! I'm not a poet so I don't know how accurate I can be, but I can try. The only thing I was wondering is if you could do more with punctuation. I felt like the lines started to run together a little bit as I read. I would recommend playing with punctuation and capitalization to guide flow! That may have been on purpose, though. Either way, I have no other critiques! Your wording is absolutely gorgeous. The repetition read really nicely, and the wording of your lines carries such beautiful emotion and imagery. Awesome work! Keep writing!
Thank you for your review!
Hello, FlamingPhoenix is here to leave you with a review, on this wonderful day. I'l try to make this short, but it might be long.
So let's begin with the review.
So I only saw one thing that ca be fixed out of the whole poem. So I was reading through and I saw you didn't have very much punctuation, so I am here to help you with that.
I'm going to take a few sentence and show you what you can do with it.
So in my opinion I think all the 'Wash me away' Could have a comma after them, and the rest could have a full stop, it will help with the flow quit a bit. What I mean I have showed in with the lines I got out of your poem.
Okay so that is all I could see that could be fixed. Now I'm going to talk about the good things.
Over all I like the theme behind this poem, I think it is very realistic, and it kind of is like the world we are living in now. I like the emotion that has bee but into this poem, makes it cooler to read. I think besides there being not very much punctuation, i think everything flowed very well.
I also really liked the word selection you have, out of all the words you could have chosen you got the best that fits this poem the best. I also think the same goes for the name you picked for your poem. I think it to fits this poem quit well, it pretty much tells you what the poem is about in a very subtle way, that makes the reader come and read your poem.
So that's all I have to say for now, I really loved reading and reviewing your poem, and I'm glad I got the chance to help you out, and get your work out the green room. I hope you will keep writing and keep posting more amazing works out on YWS. I hope you have a great day/night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Thank you for the review, @FlamingPhoenix !
Well, about the punctuation, I considered inserting commas, but decided not to. And due to some error, the poem wasn't paragraphed!
I appreciate your help and goodwill! I hope you have an even greater day/night!
I'm glad I could help you out in some way.
When it doesn't want to be paragraphed i do this I say enter and then I put three dots, and then press enter again, and carry on writing. It works that way.
I'm glad I could help you out in some way.
When it doesn't want to be paragraphed i do this I say enter and then I put three dots, and then press enter again, and carry on writing. It works that way.
I'm glad I could help you out in some way.
When it doesn't want to be paragraphed i do this I say enter and then I put three dots, and then press enter again, and carry on writing. It works that way.
Thank you!
Your welcome.
I feel like I understand it and your theme is to be washed away from all the worlds problems and pain into a dreamless sleep where you don't have to see these things going on.
Haha yeah
You twisted it so hard that I'm having troubles to untwist it. Great. Lol. So it was really amazing. At first,I thought, you are calling on the death. Then I thought, "Nah,it is maybe the calling for love." After reading the poem thrice, I was totally puzzled. But considering my both anticipations,I found it awesome. I also like the word selection. Well done.
Thank you for your review! This poem can be interpreted however it connects to you!