Young Writers Society

Hi Liminality! I know this is a bit of an older poem but I needed to review something posted on a holiday, so here I am anyway

The most noticeable feature of this poem when I was reading it, was your use of "&" between stanzas - I think it's a really clever way to show separation of ideas, while also incorporating them literally into the poem as "and", if that makes sense. It also works well (along with the repetition of "was" at the begininning of stanzas / at the start of the second line) to create a sort of rhythm in the poem.

This isn't really a critique, but I did find it interesting that you used both ampersands and the word "and" itself, and both are meant to be spoken aloud the same in the context of this poem. It might not make sense or be possible, but I'd almost suggest cutting out the spelled word "and" entirely from the poem, just to emphasize the "&"s between stanzas. Or you could consider changing "and"s to "+"s or something? That's really more if you're looking for something to experiment with though, definitely not necessary!

Re: rhyming, I really enjoyed how you alternated between "past" and "last" -> it created subtle continuity without the words losing their meanings. I'm honestly not such a fan of the rest of the rhyming, as in some places it feels a bit forced, and in others, if you read it aloud, you don't actually hear it super well, because of where it is in the line. (Unless you take the line breaks literally at pause at the end of each line, but then it feels a bit awkward, for example: "was worse than a knife / on the skin, to the notion of life". If you say that aloud, you'll probably find that the rhyming is very subtle, and the sentence structure also feels a bit forced.)

Actually I'm going to take part of that back ~ I think the subtle rhyming isn't a bad thing, it's just not super prominent if you were going for obvious rhymes. But I would suggest looking at the third stanza and seeing if you could alter the sentence structure / reword it a little so it doesn't feel as unnatural.

I LOVE how you've almost tacked on the first line to the beginning of the poem (that isn't a great way of describing it, but I can't think of a better way of saying it) ~ all the othe stanzas start with "was", but the second line of the first stanza starts with "was", which makes it feel like the second line is the start, and "the fence sitter" is like its own stanza almost. It works super well to emphasize that phrase, and even visually it emphasizes the opening stanza because it's one line longer.

I really like the tone and word choice you've got in this poem -> one thing I admire about all your poems is the voice that comes through, it's very distinct and clear. And you have a great vocabulary with little repetition, which keeps the poem quite engaging.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem! I hope this is useful, and sorry for digging up one of your older poems

whatchamacallit


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Hello, @Liminality! I saw this lurking in the Green Room, so I thought I'd help you out by getting it out of there.

My first thought on your poem is that it's a very unique one. I knew from the description that it was a character portrait, but I wasn't sure what to expect until I got into the second stanza. I will admit I was a little confused on what the "was" in the second stanza was referring to until I got to the third stanza. It might be a good idea to add some kind of formatting difference between "the fence sitter" and the following line - it would give the impression that all of the following stanzas are related to the fence-sitter, rather than the stanza before them. You could even add an ellipses after the first line and put another set before the "was" of each stanza.

Formatting aside, I really loved your poem! It gives the fence-sitter come off as someone in tune with nature in the first stanza, and in the second one as well. I even had to look up a new word (atavistic) which is something I almost never had to do while reading. Between the descriptions you used, the word choice, and the formulaic format you used, I really enjoyed this poem.

If it hasn't already ended up in the literary spotlight, I hope it does soon!

Hi! I was going to write a review but I don't fully understand the meaning of the poem and how each stanza contributes to it. I have questions like "who is the fence-sitter?", and "what is the significance of each stanza to her identity?". I also don't understand the last stanza. I don't review poems until I think I have a good understanding of what they mean, because I believe that the structure of a poem resonates with what it means. Nevertheless, I loved the rhythm and was very intrigued by the poem. If you don't mind, could you please explain to me what the poem truly means and why you chose each stanza to be what it is?

Hey!
Happy to be here to review! Hope I don't offend, and remember everything I say is just an opinion, this is your master piece, and if you like it the way it is feel free to leave it!

This is a small and unique piece! Personally I could do without the second stanza. I don't think it adds anything to the meaning of your poem, and quite frankly it confused me. I love the & between the stanzas.

there's not much else I can say about this piece. I like the imagery it put in my head, about someone wild and free.

Thanks for the read, and if you need anything else, feel free to ask!
Rascalover <3