z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

The adventures of an AL beta chapter 8.

by Lexus2017RX350


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Part VIII

Screwed together.

The engine of the aircraft steadily declines from a strong rumble throughout the cabin to almost nothing as they land on the enormous structure that sticks straight through the core city like a screw. I walk out onto a large white H, looking down at my feet I see the ground is made from dense metal and wires. We code ourselves in through some weird over complicated system involving taking a blood sample and then we are inside this “thing”. The hallway we walk down is far and long reaching, we walk past countless doors and take an almost twenty minute elevator ride down, the place thus far seems to be made up of tight claustrophobic spaces, and hallways. It's pretty dark here too, the corridors being only lit by small white lights that glimmer along the floor and ceiling. After traveling through what is known apparently as the “tip” of the structure we reach a new room. Hinsa perks up.

“We are getting close, Coop! Soon enough we will finally have a complete group.”

entering the room it seems that the floor is made out of some sort of clear material, but what you can see through it is what makes me almost gasp the fuck out loud. The screw like structure must reach miles down, it's still not lit very well as the small white electric lights are all they seem to use here, this place is made out of nothing but pure metal, full of rooms, labs and more. But the craziest of all is not that far underneath us is the earth's core. Contained in a huge clear cage like thing with tubes and wires all along the surface. But after I look at all that there is one more little thing that actually scared me. A long tube along the top of the core’s cage had an elevator, a clear one that seemed to be built for a human to fit along inside of it.

“Do not tell me I am supposed to go inside of that, because if I am I think I would rather jump down that huge fall then do anything along those lines.” I speak.

“Oh don’t even worry about it. You’ll be unconscious and it will only hurt a little bit!” Hinsa squeaks. I just stare down at the ball of fire, sparks, and pure beauty.

“How does this even work? Like how do I get cybernetic abilities from a ball of heat?” I am kind of nauseous after looking down at that mess for a while.

“I did say don’t worry didn’t I? And plus it’s super annoyingly complicated.” Hinsa brushed off.

“Hinsa. Explain it to him already, I had to explain it to you when you were put in there so just fucking do it already, don’t be an asshole. He is probably terrified.” Xavier actually stated something with authority for once wow, gold star. “I am not ‘terrified’ so shut up, but then again yeah explain this shit to me so that I don’t just go jumping into fiery tubes for no reason.” I shrug.

Hinsa sighs dramatically. “FIIIIIINE.” she allows. “So basically how it works is this, the engineers and scientists will strap you to a huge machine in a room right? And that is where they will plant this sort of mechanical skeleton along your spine.” I look at her wide eyed, then again what did I expect at this point. “Then after they do that they need to give the skeleton life! So what do they do? They sit you in that tube unconscious and then dip you in the core. Of course it will burn all of you away and if the skeleton doesn’t work, or it rejects you. You die.” my eyes widened even more, jaw slackened. “So at this point if the skeleton does its thing it will save you, and activate. ANNNNY WAY, each cybernetic implant has its own mind almost, it becomes part of you. Literally as with time it will start to grow like a living organism and cover almost everything under your skin, it will allow you extreme new highs in everything your body can do. The core allows this to happen as part of the core was contaminated with energy from the Crystal god. So it can give life to even something that is lifeless. Now after you are extracted the skeleton should regrow all of your skin, bones, and organs in about half a day.'' After she finishes talking I feel like I can partially understand what kind of crazy shit they are going to do to me.

“Why hello! You must be Cooper. I welcome you to the core of the shattered reality we live in nowadays. I hope you are excited! Xavier sure was when he first got his implants.”

some lady says walking into the clear floored room.

“Mom, do me a favor and shut the fuck up.” Xavier says with a tinge of a smirk showing up on the right side of his usually gloomy face.

“Well hello there to you, Xavier's mom. So when will I be strapped to your latest death machine?” I say with a straight and actually serious face.

“Shortly, if you will just follow me this way! ” she snipes back.

walking to the side of the clear floored room there is a metal wall with a little pad. Xavier's mom takes her finger and puts it in front of the small device, the pad shoots out a needle and seems to take a blood sample to grant access. the door opens in a lot of complex angles like it was from one of those pre-broken world movies. walking inside the door closes behind us, subconsciously I think about someone being crushed into pieces by it.

at a brisk pace we move down the stairs all the while I am thinking about why they couldn't just install another elevator here. reaching the bottom another door opens as we enter a room full of computers, there is another room beyond a glass wall, behind the glass lays an enormous machine. there was an almost cookie cutter sort of center with a human shape, I knew immediately that I was going to be put in there very soon. shuffling in I try my best to just stay quiet and not question it. A man in a white coat with a black symbol on the back walks up to our little group.

"so, Cooper, right?"

he gives me no time to answer before going on

"Today we will be doing an extremely dangerous operation on you, as you probably already know of course."

I nod not really caring all that much.

"moving on, let's get you drugged up, and strapped up. bud." Xavier's mom chimes in unasked. They take me back to another annoyingly small room, they stick me with an IV and tell me that when I wake up it will only hurt a little.

Zach | Watching.

getting inside was no problem, but the REAL problem is if this guy really is who I think he is and he is going through with this operation could either go horribly wrong or go well enough that the humans might finally have enough data to fight us. We never wanted to start any war with the humans but things changed. The crystal god was one of the creators, but he hated what had happened with the humans and thought they were monsters. He went rogue and used his half holy form to blow the earth apart. It took two of us regular gods to restrain him. We permanently executed him, confining him to what on earth is now known as the Quartz Quadrant.

We never really push the humans, all we ever do right now is send scouts down to make sure that us gods are not in any imminent danger, but the humans always use these "cybernetics" to kill and destroy whoever we send down.

so thinking about how stupid all these humans are I slide my way from wall to wall. I had escaped the training camp on the military quadrant of earth and followed Cooper here.

I eventually find myself above a room with a glass floor. looking far down I can see the core of the earth. I could destroy all of this place right now but that is not what I am here for.

After about ten minutes of waiting I see the suspect being lifted into a clear tube next to the core. I notice that the skin on his back is chalice and blistered. it is very clear that his body does NOT like whatever has been put inside of him.

being lifted into the tube I think about jumping down and getting him out of there, but really I already know it is too late as he has already had the cybernetics attached to his spine, it won't come off now.

he slowly is lowered toward the glass cage, I hold my breath as his chamber reaches the cage. As he slides inside the cage the ball of fire starts to lick his toes, his body begins to burn apart. but to the surprise of me, and clearly the scientists he started screaming, the roar from his lungs actually making me jump, I am sure the workers considered taking him out but it wouldn't matter anyway.

After about 5 minutes of this he comes out, an orange glow now coming from the exposed back piece. I assume that it worked for the most part as the glow must indicate that it is alive or whatever. I am not really sure but the scientists that definitely come out definitely are, they are talking excitedly as they leave with Cooper being wheeled behind them. I can already tell that he is healing extremely fast, and tribute that to the fact that he is now a Cybernetic, and if I am right the god of bone.

Of course I do not have complete proof but the bone god is well known for having orange eyes, and I noticed that one of the defining features of this guy was his orange ass eyes. and besides, how many humans have orange eyes? that CAN'T be a regular thing.

I move my way out of my hiding spot and sneak out of the screw, I just need to get a place to stay and a job, or maybe I will just find a nice cardboard box.


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Thu Jun 29, 2023 6:36 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Cooper is the Bone God? It hasn’t been confirmed yet, but from what I read, I believe that Cooper is the missing Bone God, reborn as a human. Zach might be the God from the seventh chapter. Or maybe that was someone else, who knows? I have a feeling that this implant is going to backfire for Cooper.

I hope that you will have a very fun day and night. Bye for now!




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Fri Mar 31, 2023 5:39 am
Liminality wrote a review...



Hi there! Lim here with a review. I’ve read Chapter 7, but thought I’d leave a review on this one instead since it’s still in the Green Room.

General Impressions

The atmosphere of the building where they get their cybernetics feels otherworldly and exciting, yet also scary since the process is so visceral. I could relate to Cooper being scared of basically having one body destroyed and being put into another. I wonder if Zach will make contact with Cooper soon, and what a bone god does in comparison to a blood god or crystal god. Zach comes across as being kind of casual and off-handed for someone who has immense power, which is a little unexpected and interesting. He feels a bit less intense compared to Cooper anyhow, even though Cooper has his own brand of off-handedness.

Glows – What I liked

The title gives the impression that something doom-like is going to happen and indeed Cooper ends up feeling like he’s going to meet his doom, even if only for a short while. So I like that title choice.

I liked some of the descriptions of the setting. I found I could picture the machine and the fiery energy pretty well as I was reading it.

I also like the characterisation of Cooper and Hinsa. Cooper’s POV has an interesting mix of irreverence and awe.

“How does this even work? Like how do I get cybernetic abilities from a ball of heat?” I am kind of nauseous after looking down at that mess for a while.

^ For instance, his colloquial language in the dialogue conveys a sense of nonchalance, yet I can tell he’s nervous because of the following line and also the fact that he’s asking questions.

Hinsa comes across as being very casual in her own way as well. Unlike Cooper, she’s very used to the wild and reckless magic/technology that is being used here, so much that she doesn’t even find it worth explaining at first. I find her excitement quite likeable xD

the REAL problem is if this guy really is who I think he is and he is going through with this operation could either go horribly wrong or go well enough that the humans might finally have enough data to fight us.

I like that we’re starting to see some trouble that could be brewing up for Cooper again. This seems to be setting up a conflict between him and the other gods and makes me curious who else besides Zach is a god who might have it out for Cooper.

Grows – Ideas to consider

“Mom, do me a favor and shut the fuck up.”

This moment sure startled me, because we don’t know that much about Xavier yet, and I really wouldn’t expect anyone to talk to their mother like that, even if they don’t like each other. I think it would have made more sense if she actually reacted to him saying that or if there was a bit more dialogue suggesting that the two don’t have a good relationship or something, because the “smirk” that comes after this is still ambiguous and leaves me befuddled.

“Shortly, if you will just follow me this way! ” she snipes back.

This line also makes it seem like she is only mad at Cooper, but not at Xavier, even though they were both saying something sarcastic/ rude to her. Which feels weird to me since Xavier is her son, and Cooper is a stranger she just met.
We permanently executed him, confining him to what on earth is now known as the Quartz Quadrant.

I was kind of intrigued by this sentence and also confused. If he’s been executed, isn’t he dead? Why does he still need to be confined? Or could his body be resurrected with the crystal energy or something like that?

Some minor thoughts I had when reading the descriptions in this piece:
“Oh don’t even worry about it. You’ll be unconscious and it will only hurt a little bit!” Hinsa squeaks.

Did she squeak before or after saying this line? Or did she just say this line in a high-pitched voice? It’s kind of unclear, so it’s hard for me to imagine this part of the scene.
As he slides inside the cage the ball of fire starts to lick his toes, his body begins to burn apart. but to the surprise of me, and clearly the scientists he started screaming, the roar from his lungs actually making me jump, I am sure the workers considered taking him out but it wouldn't matter anyway.

There are a lot of different thoughts joined together in this sentence, so it is hard to feel the impact of each one. For me, the process of gaining this cybernetic body comes across as a bit underwhelming because Zach’s POV skims it over so quickly, even though it was hyped up quite a lot in the first half of the chapter.

Overall

I like the worldbuilding and the suggestion of further conflict in this chapter. I also thought the three main characters seemed pretty vivid and dynamic. My main suggestions if you’re writing further chapters or editing would be to think about what information you want to convey about your characters and their relationships to one another and build that into the dialogue/ descriptions. It could be good to consider how you would react if you *were* each of the characters in a dialogue (like imagining if you were the kind of person they were, and listening to the kind of conversation they’re listening to).

Let me know if you’d like more feedback on something specific!
-Lim

Image






Thanks a ton for the review! a lot of the things here like Xavier relationship with his mother will certainly be elaborated on in the future, and I am not afraid to say that Xavier will be a VERY important character later on. Also, the Crystal god, while dead, his energy still resides in the Quartz Quadrant as if the land int itself was its own entity, destroying any humans who dare step inside, and greeting gods to see the wonders inside. The effects of the procedure on Cooper will linger to later chapters, where he may "Malfunction." Zach is right though, while Xavier was a prime research factor in developing all of the Cybernetic, Cooper may be even more valuable. A small explanation as to why Xavier is hostile to his mother, is that he was only ever treated as an experiment. In the sort of Book 3 I plan on making there is A LOT I plan on doing with him Believe me.



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Fri Feb 10, 2023 10:45 pm
Abcdefg1 wrote a review...








Thanks so much! I still have a few reveals to show off, and I have more with the gods to do before I really move on to the plot... but I think I have made great strides in the case of what I want with Cooper.



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Fri Feb 10, 2023 6:36 pm
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Lexus2017RX350 says...



@Liminality
@Ari11
@4revgreen
Read up my children hehehehehehehe.




4revgreen says...


omg exciting i will read and review when i get the chance!!





Great!


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Abcdefg1 says...


Same here! I'm in school right now. Thanks for tagging me!





Np




If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.
— Woodrow Wilson