z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

Adventures of an AL. Beta chapters 1-6

by Lexus2017RX350


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Part I

The Dark.

I tried to run… but I did not move. This was not the only thing I could not do currently. More importantly than running I could not talk, Or more necessarily for this situation scream.

Moving at all was not an option. I could not speak or even feel. There was a presence in the dark room. Whatever was here with me, wherever I am, I am scared. Unlike what you would think I am not bound or locked in place. I simply am incapable of these things now. I think…

After a time: how long I do not know. I realized something. It feels like I have been here for days. But if I have been here for days then days exist right? If I can think that there have been days then I have a mind, right? So if this is the truth then this means one thing and one thing alone. I exist too. At first, this realization excited me. And a few minutes later it terrified me. If I was here then what could happen to me. Where am I?!? Who was I before this weird dark place??? “I NEED HELP.” I simply thought. I could not scream.

After this pain has lasted for who knows how long. I sit. In my mind, I think. If I think about it, then I am here. I also have thought about the one in the corner. It watches. After how long we have been here in the dark room I do not mind the thing in the corner. I actually feel comforted to think I am not the only thing that has a brain here. But from what I have seen of that thing it does not look… what? What is the word..? What am I…..? normal…?

More time passes. I can not help but feel sad at where I have ended up. Maybe to the thing in the corner I am just as scary. What if from that point of view I am just like another weird scary thing in the corner. Or not. Who knows? Who is who? I don’t know. That's for sure.

I want to sleep. I do not know how I know what sleep is but I want it. It never came.The things arm reached and the light came.

End of Part I

Part II

Sir, yes sir.

The blinding light hurt my eyes. The world begins to shake. And I fall on the cold hard metal floor. “Where am I?” I speak slowly. I stand up stumbling around. I had been laying in a corner on a long metal bench, there was a window right above the place I was laying. “The light” I thought. I look down and see myself. The stainless steel floor allows me to see my face. My legs are lean but not super tall, my torso is a medium size with large-ish arms, I have short blonde hair, and a black mustache, and lastly warm orange eyes. I looked down through the big metal cylinder that I had been laying in before. There were many windows down

the long metal cylinder, and to my great surprise there were other men down on the other side of the thing from me too.

They were staring at me with wide eyes, one of them was making a gesture like cutting his throat with his hand. “Sit! Sit!” he whispered. I did as he asked and sat down. He scooted his way over to my current position. “Hey!” he said “you just got out of the dark huh?” “w-what?” I ask in a stuttery mumble. “The dark? Were you there too?” I ask with pure interest. “Shatup idiot” he said quickly. “I haven't been in that place for a long time. I sure hope I don’t have to go back either.” “Uhm, alright.” I say quietly, he does not notice. “Ok bud there is one thing you have to learn about while you're here. The SIR.” “hu-” I don’t even get to ask. The metal door to the apparent control room opens swiftly and... SLAM it's like the sound moves through my skull and chest. “WAKE UP YOU BIG HEADED SMALL BRAINED DUMBASSES” I slump forward to see what is going on. While my new friend who I had just met decides to do the complete opposite and jumps back. The man who stands before me is not tall but giant. He towered over me and everyone else who was here in the room with me.

“ALRIGHT YOU DISAPPOINTMENTS OF HUMANKIND! WE ARE ALMOST TO OUR TRAINING SITE. AS FOR THE NEWBIE HERE…” the “SIR” actually walked over to where I was, and grabbed me by the arm. “AS FOR YOU. YOU WILL HEAD OFF TO OUR SPECIAL OPS TEAM FOR YOUR OWN TRAINING! THAT OF THE SPECIAL GRAY TITAN FORCE ARE ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO DO NOT DISAPPOINT. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO YOUNG MAN!” “thank you sir!” “There is no need to call me Sir, we are equals! Do not go messing around with these fools.” What did I do to get here? I think to myself. The plane we are in starts to descend down. The “SIR” has gone back to the control room.

“What was that!” my new friend asks. “I don’t kno-” “what do you MEAN! The SIR just told you himself that you are his equal! THAT NEVER HAPPENS!” “okay… well I honestly don't know why that is. But we are almost there and I would like to at least know your name.” “The name’s Zakarie, what's yours?” I suddenly remembered for the first time. “Cooper.” The doors in the back of the plane open and we go into the light.

End of part II

Part III

Mercy free Zakarie

After having left the plane maybe an hour ago the sun has gone down a little bit. Cooper is me. I am Cooper. “Hey…” mutters Zakarie who is walking next to me. “There is a bit I need to tell you

about.” “yeah? Well actually there is something I wanted to ask.”

“And what's that bud?” “How do you know so much? You have seemed to know quite a bit about this place and Sir. it's almost like you have done this procedure multiple times.” I ask with real interest flooding through my voice. “Well that's what I was going to talk to you about.”

“Back before when I was still in the dark, unlike how most people supposedly acted in that place, I was calm and knew what I was doing entirely. So when I got out of the dark some people being impressed actually suggested that I become a rank that was of, or close to Gray Titan, but as you would guess I was turned down. The reason that I was turned down was simple. When I went through my training, while I fought and sparred, I remembered parts of myself.” “what!? You could do what?” “Yes, even after the dark I could remember parts of who I was. I still can't remember much but little things are all I need to know. And you will have the same thing.”

“What are you on about??? Are you saying I can remember too?”

“yes, well sort of. Let me continue with my story.” “ok sorry” “ Of course after being refused from the Gray Titans I was obviously sent to do that, of normal training. But from what I can remember of my past. Back before the dark I was a mercenary. I was a self taught individual, and I was ruthless. I killed many people. After years of doing this same job I was supposedly caught. After putting through the dark all that I told you about before happened.”

“Okay that's crazy but, how do I tie into this?”

“Your eyes.”

“What do you mean by my eyes?”

“You have the same eyes I do.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Trust me, I know who a person is in their eyes.”

“That's just weird, and sort of creepy bro.”

“You won't think it is weird when you go to training. BUT do not reveal your memories! If they find out, they will at least kick you out and put you through the dark again, and at most kill you.”

I opened my mouth to talk, then closed it slowly. After a couple seconds I did speak.

“Alright.”

They had been walking for maybe two hours now, soon they would be parting ways. Cooper took a long look at Zakarie. Zakarie has long black hair with silver streaks sliding through his scallop. He had scars everywhere, there was one on his left eye and right cheek and plenty down his body. He was slim but muscular and his face was serious. They said their goodbyes and prepared for the following day when they would go through their rough training. “Goodbye Zakarie!”

“See you later alligator…”

End of part III

Part IV

The Gray Titans Special Operations Force!

After having dropped off Zakarie and the rest of the soon to be lower demi god destroyer squad off at their training grounds they decided to lend Sir a jeep to use to get me to my training grounds faster. A familiar loud voice says “my name is Balboa Conners.” “oh that's a nice name.” “Hey, are you even paying attention? Once you are let into the Gray Titans squad you will far surpass me, so it is only fair I give you my name. I know what people think of me but at least in my opinion I’m not that bad a guy.” “I mean you are loud but I think you are a good lower division captain from what I have seen.” I lied, “thank you SIR.” “haha..ha” the rest of the dive is pretty awkwards from there. Finally arriving at the gates to the Gray Titans training grounds Mr. Conners drives off and lets me go on in.

At the gates of the training grounds I observe the nature of which the building was made. First there were the marble and silver engrained walls. And the gate was a beautiful gold and bronze mixture. I finally step inside. Once in the building I am surprised to hear light music playing in the background. I also am startled to see so many people in the building with me. Every person here is huge! I am so much smaller than every other person in the room here. It's truly strange because I have this feeling inside my mind that says if I really would like I could destroy all of these people. I decide to walk to the back of the first room and lean back on the wall. In front there is a large stage with a hole directly in the middle of it. There are lights placed all across the front of the stage. After spending some time observing I decide it's time to explore something else, my mind.

I start thinking about who I could possibly be, how I got into the Gray Titan training, and if Zakarie was right. Will I remember? “Yes, yes you will Cooper. You will remember as you remember your own name.” this voice echoed through my head. Under normal circumstances I would have screamed, but because I knew it was in my head I was a little bit less worried. “Who the hell are you?” I thought to myself.

“Shut the Fuck up brat. I know you are probably thinking I'll say some shit like ‘oh I’m your conscience whoa oh my god’ your so stupid. I am obviously just you before your memories were wiped!”

“what!?” “yep that's how it is”

“So will you help me remember?” “ later maybe. If you give me a good fight!”

“w-what?” no response. I wait but nothing happens and the show starts.

I look up as bright lights fill the room and the music rises in volume. A platform begins to rise from the bottom of the stage. And a small-ish group of people… no. Things emerge. A pink haired female robot thing starts talking into a microphone. “Hey guys!” “Shut up Josie, no one wants to hear that loud ass voice you have.” interjects some orange haired robot thing. “Don't mind him folks, he's just an idiot who can’t stay quiet! Okay guys so here today you are going to be training to join the Gray Titans! If you are the single person who makes it to the top you will become one of us!” “WHAT!” I think to myself “this is what I am to become when I join the Gray Titans??? A ROBOT!? And wait, did she say? ONE person! THAT'S INSANE! why would you invite so many people for them all to be basically destined to fail!?” “Anyway folks, have a good time!” a door to the left of the room opens up for us to enter obviously, and we go in.

The sun is bright after being in that dark room for so long. And I again observe where we are. There is now a large set of fighting arenas in front of us. “Okay folks get ready to battle to the death! Only one person gets to join our squad and become a Gray Titan Cyborg to fight in the war against the GODS!” What does that even mean? What am I in for!? “For some fun!” I say grinning with glee.

End of part IV.

Part V

TO THE DEATH!

“So folks the first fight we have arranged will be that of Murdoc Hanson vs Alec Limrock!” the two individuals supposed to be Murdoc and Alec approach the first arena. “The second fight to go on in the second ring will be against Gage Ackron and Travis Caver.” This voice was the same as the orange haired kid seen back before on stage.

After the preparations for the first two battles are complete and the contestants grab their weapons the battles begin. Murdoc picks a classic katana and charges in swinging wildly, but the other guy on the other side looks confidant and easily deflects the first swing, dodges the next, and counters the third with a quick swing from his weapon being the mace of all things, completely destroying the right arm of Murdoc. “AHHHHHHHHHGHHH” screams Murdoc in agonizing pain. In one last fit of rage Murdoc swings his sword just to be promptly dodged again by Alec. “What a shit fight” I say disappointed, this surprises me, I am usually not this way. In the other arena the fight also seems to have ended pretty quick too. “The two victors are Alec and Gage!”

More fights pass, some are impressive, some suck ass. Soon it is my turn to fight in the first line of the tournament. I stand up and an unknown but familiar sensation runs down my hands. I walk down to the arena. “This next match will be exciting! It's the legendary Cooper Orema vs Margret Dunge. “The legendary?” That's funny. As I step down into the arena I overflow with power. I look at the rack of weapons on my side of the arena and run my hands down the weapons one by one. “This is it” I grin a wild grin and grab the spear.

The fight begins with a horn blowing from behind me. I lunge at full throttle towards her. I am the kinda guy who destroys his opponents equally whether man, woman or anything in between. She reacts almost as fast as I lunge forth. We clash our weapons together making a deafening clang. “Hey there, you're a frightening one aren't ya?” “I guess you could say that, but I’m not here to talk. I'M HERE FOR THE KILL BITCH.” “alright let's go then” we both jump back. I can tell she is skilled and I smirk. In my head all I can hear is “KILL! KILL! KILL!” as I burst forth just like I had before. I fake out a lower strike making her block but change direction at the last moment for the throat. She anticipates it flipping back instantly. “Nice one Magret” she smiles at me tantalizingly “you really are cocky huh? Well that's gonna end real soon buddy” she lowers down to an extremely low position and runs at me at blinding speeds. “You really have this all in the bag don’t you. ” I dodge her rapier and counter with my spear… I hit my mark. Blood splashes all over the ground coating my spear and right arm. “Who's cocky now?” I ask with a glint in my eye. her expression changes to that of surprise. I had cut her using speeds any normal person can not even think of using. “Nice one Cooper.” she falls to the ground and I end her life quickly with a swift strike completely knocking her head clean off, respectfully.

I go back to my seat with stunned eyes looking at me from all angles. Even the announcer girl looked at me with surprise. More battles go bye. The next lineup starts and I kill my next opponent with ease. Battle after battle. The kid Alec seems to be doing really good. Finally we reach the last lineup with me and the Alec kid. “Well considering the rest of the people here have been wiped the fuck out you guys go ahead and finish it up.” we walk down to our arena. I grab my spear and the battle starts. He does not move and neither do I. “So based on your last match Cooper I thought you would charge at me instantly.” “yeah, I would have done that too, but I want to go ahead and end this quickly soooo…” “does not standing there just make it last longer?” I do not respond but instead at the speed ten times the speed of sound itself I appear behind Alec. “What's up buddy?” His eyes widened. “What th-” I cut him in half with the force of a meteor. “What the fuck was that!!!” screams the announcer girl on the speaker. “My power is below what it should be.”I say disappointedly. “w-BELOW?” “yeah I think so...”

I walk myself back into the room with the stage. “Well looks like we've got a winner,” says the kid with orange hair in a more awoken tone. “For sure!” says the announcer girl. “Time for you to go to the enhancement room! If you even need any after that display” she says “uh fucking oh” I know its time for me to reject my humanity.

End of part V

Part VI

Next stop: the Little Planet.

Out the window I can see extensive land for as far as I can see, until at some point the airship we are in starts to take off. I continue to watch out the window, about five minutes later I can see the edge of the land I was looking out on before. Even after “the dark” or whatever I can remember the world, it was in pieces. At first I had no idea what the Cybernetic had meant by “God” but now I do. One of the gods shattered the earth into a series of floating islands… I am pretty sure that none of the human race knows why, but we do know that the god who did such a thing was the crystal god. I know that the only reason why we were able to survive was using technology in underground facilities to connect the pieces of the world back together. It was a real spectacle though looking out over it at such a height. “So!” yelled the girl Cybernetic awkwardly, “My name is Hinsa.” The cybernetic guy looked over and from what it looked like he pondered whether he would state his name. “My name is Xavier,” he said quietly. I did not respond in the slightest. “Well I figured you might wanna know where we are going!” Hinsa chirped, “honestly, why do you think I care? I just want to get these implants and go home.” I say with a tad bit of anger thrown into my voice. “Well maybe it would interest you more if you knew that we are going to the core city…” she said with an obvious smirk painted all over her face. “The core city? Seriously? It's not like any one of us are rich or anything right?” “Well actually the core city is where you get your implants.”

I keep looking out across the crumbled earth, there are halved cities and giant open holes in the ground. I can even see some animals walking through the plains below. All of a sudden the ship jerks downward. “You better get your seatbelt on Coop” the girl says smiling, I oblige. The ship shoots almost 100% downward, “holy fuck!” I exclaim, breaking my cool exterior for a moment. We are darting straight down one of the enormous cracks in the earth, there are structures along the walls, probably long abandoned subsurface labs. Wires and cords hang out from all angles outside the ship. After a portion of time passes we finally pass the surface and are greeted with darkness. But while at first glance it just looks like a giant empty space within the shell of what the earth used to be, there is actually an enormous structure before us, buildings, lights, roads, the Core City. I had never been of course, but the idea of an almost mini planet underneath all of the floating islands above was insane. Someone had actually made the idea of building a city around the core of the Earth real. Seeing it up close nothing was dark anymore. “This isn't just exciting for you Cooper, me and Xavier haven't been down here since we got our implants. But now that we have you we can finally be a full squad and live with the rest of the cybernetics on the Core!” Hinsa yelled. “You really need to calm the hell down sometime Hinsa '' Xavier said, smiling too. Even I wore a grin on my face at the prospect of the Core City.

End of part VI


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967 Reviews


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Tue Jun 27, 2023 8:07 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



So humanity is all gone and cyborgs are the only sources of life left? Interesting. I feel like Cooper was either a warrior, a warlord, or a general in his past life. There must be more lurking underneath the surface of Core City, something hiding in the corners, creeping through the surface. I’ll have to read more to find out.

I hope that you will have a fantastic and lovely day and night.




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Sun Feb 19, 2023 4:19 pm
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TheCornDogEnthusiast wrote a review...



The opening is great. Cooper doesn't know who he is, or what he's done, and that provides a bit of mystery to the story. The creative concepts of fighting arenas, Titans, floating islands, and the Dark. All play a role in the story as the reader learns about them the same time Cooper does, which something I personally love in writing. It makes the reader only know as much as the character does, which allows for suspense and shock later on in the story.
Cooper's view of the world and him decribing it helps the reader get a sense of what he is seeing.
I love to see a story with unique characteristics in it's environment, plot, characters, and overall main idea.




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Wed Feb 08, 2023 2:54 am
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Abcdefg1 wrote a review...








I am currently working on the dialog issue with everything being lumped up as I definitely see that. I wrote most of this last summer and most of it is pretty mediocre I'll be honest. chapter 6 was the only one here I worked on semi-recently and even that was months and months ago. but I am so glad you enjoyed both this and chapter 7. you will be glad to hear that I am working on chapter 8 as we speak, and today I was able to get a sizable chunk done. I am going to start writing my chapters a lot longer from 8 onward. usually chapters take around 10-30mins to finish based on how much I care. I am now going to make every chapter from here on out be at LEAST 3 pages long, if not longer.


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Abcdefg1 says...


Wow, sounds good! I probably need to start doing that with my series...



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Sun Jan 29, 2023 2:40 pm
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Liminality wrote a review...



Hello there Lexus! Lim here with a review.

General Impressions

It looks like the main character, Cooper, changes quite a lot over the course of the first six chapters. From what I’m seeing, I guess it’s because seeing different places that they are usually brought to in this repeated process is jogging their memory. I kind of related to Hinsa’s surprised reaction at Cooper’s sudden strength in the arena. Cooper seems to go from being pretty chill and just curious about finding out who he is to being more impatient and a bit bloodthirsty.

Glows – What I liked

I thought the idea of the setting and the way it was revealed piece by piece was cool. While beginning in a dark room is not the most uncommon opener in stories, I thought the style in which it was done here was kind of eye-catching. It reminded me of Descartes’ Meditations, only the argument of the Meditations was recontextualised to fit this kind of dystopian sci-fi setting.
The contrast between the dreary place Cooper is in at first and the glitz and glamour of the arena area is striking.

I know that the only reason why we were able to survive was using technology in underground facilities to connect the pieces of the world back together.

This idea for the genesis of a technologically advanced world is also really unique and neat. It makes me curious to read on.

Grows – Ideas to consider

Something that would make this story easier to read would be if you started a new paragraph every time a different character is talking. In some paragraphs with only dialogue, it’s kind of hard for me to tell who is saying what, which makes it difficult to follow the story.

Another idea to consider is maybe making Cooper’s wants and goals a bit more explicit. Based on what happens to progress the plot in each part, I’m guessing that their story will revolve around completing their training and recovering more of their memories. I think I would feel more emotionally invested in Cooper completing their goal if there was a scene showing how much they want it and why.

I’d also like to suggest reducing or removing the use of all caps, such as “WE ARE ALMOST TO OUR TRAINING SITE.” The capitalisation does feel a bit unnecessary at times and distracts me from the story as I think most novels don’t use all caps this often and it kind of sticks out. These are just suggestions though!

Overall

This seems to be a fast-paced story with interesting worldbuilding. I’m curious about the “thing in the corner” introduced in the first part since I don’t think it has been expanded on yet. I’m also interested in seeing how the cybernetic parts in the setting work. I’m curious why the main character views gaining cybernetic parts as rejecting their humanity. Hinsa and Xavier seem pretty human-like to me, even if they might not be made of flesh – they express emotions for instance. So it might be interesting to see if there is a reason behind their attitude. And I have a feeling this won’t be the last time Cooper sees Zakarie – he seems important!

Hope this helps – let me know if you’d like more feedback on something specific!
-Lim






Thank you so much for the comment!

I will be 100% with you, I figured no one in the world would see this at all... BUT clearly someone did. I am so happy that you enjoyed what you did, and I am definitely sure to look into the criticisms.

actually, I made this little mini novel around the beginning of last summer. It was originally made for a writing class I was in (1st chapter) and then it transformed into something else entirely. chapters 1-5 were all last summer, 6 I made a couple months ago. I have so many bursting ideas for it but have been a little lazy if I am being honest.

seeing as I have at least one person reading I will 100% look into writing more. expect to see more than just Coopers view in the future though ;)



Liminality says...


Good luck with the writing! Just as a little YWS tip - it's generally hard to get a review for a novel chapter as quickly as you could for a short story, for example. Something that could help is to post 1 chapter at a time (i.e. 1 chapter per literary work). Though that costs more points overall, it does potentially make chapters more likely to get reviewed, especially since your chapters tend to be short ones. Getting more points by reviewing more can be a great writing experience though - I personally have found quite a number of stories I like by reviewing on the site c:
Having a 'the story so far . . .' type summary in bold at the top of the work can help reviewers on seventh or eighth chapters as well. Oh also feel free to tag me with the '@' when you post a new chapter - I'd be happy to review new parts to the story!




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