Why does this happen,
to us, every time?
Why do we fight like this?
I don't know the answer,
poetry's my way out.
But that question remains,
I still have a doubt.
Why can't we stop?
Why do we start?
Why is it like this,
when we are good at heart?
Why do you want to?
Why can't it end?
Why do you do it?
Why can't you pretend?
Is it my fault?
What have I done?
I try my best to be happy,
why can't we have fun?
I can't answer.
But I can say this.
I wish we could stop.
This relation didn't exist.
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139,365 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hey Hermy! So I've been poking my nose in your work and I came across this interesting poem. There is definately something nice about this poem, and eventhough it doesn't say much, it's still interesting. I like to say that there are no rules in poetry - it should be eveything and anything a poet feels, sees or wants to write and I see here that you just went on to express your feelings and that's great. I'm sorry about this "friend" of yours.
Now onto some more important points. I like your rhyming pattern - it makes the pome less... flat. I say flat because if it were in the form of questions alone, without the rhyme, it would have been totes boring. xP The things in green are things you should consider getting rid of and the things in red are just some corrections/suggestions. Blue is for some notes I have to make.
So yeah, that it. I understand that you were trying to write what was on your mind but with a few tweaks here and there you could make this better. The questions are interesting enough, they could be rhetorical at some points (which is what I got from some parts) but yes, you could have made it better with just a bit more literary devices. Other than that, it was fine enough.
Keep writing and keep being a Potter head!
x Mikko
Your poem had a nice flow to it. For the next time, try to add some metaphors to it, to lengthen your work and really make the reader go "wow!"
In the last stanza of your poem, you have written:
But I can say this.
I wish we could stop.
Grammar-wise, you should have done:
But I say this:
I wish we could stop.
In the same stanza you also have:
This relation didn't exist.
The tenses are sort of confusing there.
You could try:
That this relation didn't exsist.
Or:
This relation doesn't exsist.
I like the poem. I've had a few fights with friends and understand where this comes from and the questions you have when it does happen. You have a good rhyme scheme and stick with it through the whole thing. What i might suggest though is that you have the first stanza consist of four lines too seeing as all the others do. Other than that, great poem!