Lock Up My Heart

this is such a gripping poem, and conveys those strong feelings [hidden] oppressed... i love the sense of breathlessness/urgency in the first stanza- which emphasised your pain; i love this, keep writing:)

This is really interesting, it gives the idea of hidden emotions that no one can understand. Someone who is different and in order to be accepted they adopt a persona. Perhaps they are trying to impress someone? So the person decides to lock their true self away to avoid being hurt and judged, you could probably make a short story based on this. Well done ~!

"All this emotion that builds up
inside my heart
is taking over me.
I can't control it,
not anymore.

I'm going to fall once more,
into this pit they call depression;
this pit that sucks happiness out of you,
like a Dementor, sucking out your soul
and feeding on your joy."

First off, punctuation, please. I also noticed that your first verse was significantly shorter than the others. I really like it, but I also feel that that you should try to edit it so that it fits closer with the others.

I give this a 9/10. It was really great and you should feel proud.

All this emotion that builds up
inside my heart
is taking over me.
I can't control it,
not anymore.

I'm going to fall once more,
into this pit they call depression;
this pit that sucks happiness out of you,
like a Dementor, sucking out your soul
and feeding on your joy.

But I'm going to stop myself from falling
into this pit.
Instead I'll laugh and smile
and create a Patronus so beautiful and bright
it will light up the entire world.

I'll lock up my heart,
and throw away the key.
I'll keep it hidden from the world
like a treasure chest,
and never open it, ever again.

~~~

This is what my brain comes up with at 12:30 in the night after a bit of editing. O.o 
Anyway. Tell me what you think, I suppose? 


Hi,

Well I am not going to go into nit picks because, basically I thought it was pretty good considering that you came up with it at 12:30 at night!

Anyway I thought that it was a great poem that I enjoyed It a lot, considering all the poems I have read about giving into depression, I think you did a very good job with this as it wasn't too heavy.

I also thought the lines smoothly flowed into each, another plus to to the poem I thought.

Thank you for posting, and if you have any questions, just ask me

Wow, I like it.
This is a very nice poem, Lemon! I love all the expression and feeling you related in this. I think it is very good for midnight I don't usually read Free Verse poems, for I usually like to have some rhyme or "flow". But I think this one is wonderfully done :3

~Rainn