This is kinda old, but I like this piece and curious to see what others think of it.
*************
Welcome to Indecision Brothel,
where fate will wager, and lies
wait. Our most famous whore
a girl named Katrina, a double
taking Latina bitch, who gives you the
fix. Saccharine smiles her techniques,
dominating the mind, while reading
the body.
She whips your behind, gives
the gift of blind, robs you of sight,
desecrates the mind, sends into
eternity, while spiralling inadvertently.
Cruel and Unsual Punishments, dished on
a platter as the deceptions grow fatter
and fatter. White lies and tragic ties, in
the end it all falls down.
Blissful confessions (lies just plains lies)
pray as she drinks your honey dry, give in
and feel heaven on the nub.
Watch Katrina erupt as you give her pleasure
and watch her throw you to one side, forgetting
it all within a second, leaving you alone, leaving
you empty,
The Goddess banned from her heaven
banned from her hell, between limbo and between light.
Katrina grins her girlish ways, points to the door and whispers,
"That'll be cash only."
The three little pigs houses blown down, like pack of
cards, it all comes down. Lies builts on lies, shatter like
glass as the shard cut and lies slash.
In the end she's only a whore.
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Canary word: Present
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140,620 Literary Works • 673,556 Reviews
I like how you write this poem, pointing out the problem in humanity's ways like greed and lust. The first few stanzas really shocked me, although I loved how you made the words rhyme while actually making the setting dark and really grim. Keep up the good work!
~Vita
I have to say I really liked it. The writing I thought was excellent. I have to agree with the comment about how some of the lines didn't really fit. But all in all a really well written poem. This was a really nice poem. I hope to read more work done by you.
I like this a lot, it's very expressive.
Phoenix lands to review
Interesting.
It had a nice flow only a few times was it interrupted by a few lines that confused me a bit. Like this.
I'm not exactly who is reading the body or why.
repetitive
I'm not sure if I like this comparison in the first place. It seem out of sync with the rest of the poem.
and built instead of builts
and it should be house of cards
Overall I found it to be a bit vague but well crafted. Also I think the last line does not do the poem justice.
Hope I helped.
Phoenix flies away.
I like this, not sure why but i like it. Cause in the end a person is a person. Like how a leopard can't change its spots, a person cant change they're habits, they create the illusion of difference of happyness and pleasure and joy, but in the end they are the same old lying, backstabbing whore. keep writing, your dear friend ~em