When this life has nothing to gain at all...
I will think of it as nothing.
When killing has become a new phenomenon,
when the night is warm of houses burning,
when Your light is no more.
I will count it as loss.
I will never be able to walk this earth alone.
Unless I could feel You move within it,
unless Your glory shines above all.
When the stars shine their light as bright as they can,
revealing their Creator as one.
There is more of You and less of me.
You made me who I was meant to be.
I'll never break with You next to me.
I'll be as strong as a stone,
something nobody else could break.
I'll be amazing with You.
Please take all of me,
don't not a piece of me left.
Help me be the person I was meant to be,
and not one my heart desires.
Extinguish the fire deep within me.
Calm the raging storms in my heart.
For I'll surrender and fall down to Your feet,
leaving the rest of me that I used to be behind
For Your love is greater than all others.
I'll hearken to Your words as you speak them.
Please take all of me...
Because You are mine and I'm Yours.
I'll love You for all eternity, Lord.
You have me.
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137,777 Literary Works • 672,064 Reviews
Interesting concept you have here Busy Body. I like the flow and the dramatics you have for this piece, and your words do match well with the flow.......but I just wasn't a 100% hooked. I think your poem just lacks that dramatic edge you know. Like I see you are saying that as long as you have your lord you cannot fall, but what if he wasn't there?? or what if you just met him and got that new found strength??? Could you let us know what happen before he was in your life.... I mean just spice it up a bit BB and you got yourself a hit......
Hi Laelle! I have seen you around, I'm glad you're a poet! Hehe.
Alright so I absolutely love your writing style; it has a nice flow, very lyrical, and your vocabulary is lovely, which makes it very easy to read. However, there is something that interferes with that same flow... something that keeps the reader from being 100% hooked. I almost never say anything about the punctuation in poetry because it's really just lame to tell a poet "the right way to do it" (I use punctuation myself when poeting and many don't like it). I think the first two lines are okay, because you used ellipses and finished your sentence in the second line.
However, in the quoted lines that doesn't happen. As in, you do not finish the sentence, which could interrupt the reader as it makes them wonder "when it happens what?" I also agree with the first review, that this could use stanzas! So, I would tell you to work on those two things because I think it would really help! ^^ You're a fine poet and this is a beautiful poem, so don't let little details belittle those facts
Keep writing!
-Solvy
This is cool! I think it addresses the dark side of faith, and also the love associated with faith. The beginning confuses me a little - is the persona you create trying to battle thoughts of evil by using faith? I also think the "strong as a stone" line could be made stronger by using a more well known idiom. I also like the use of antiquated language like "hearken", even though it makes the poem lose a little bit of that freshness it had in the beginning. I think this poem could be more effective if the thoughts were sequestered into stanzas- a wall of text is off putting. Overall, you have a great poetic flair and I want to read more of your work!
Dropping a review bomb!
Okay, this pome was heart touching, And it did come with many scenarios when actually thought about. Which is the one ting I love about pomes, they always have a different meaning each time, unlike stories that stick to one topic. One thing to improve on is adding sections. Like people don't want to read a stanza with no sections to separate the different thoughts clouding your head. Overall, this pome was excellent and I fell in love with it. Just separate it into sections and make everyone proud. ^-^ Do me a huge favor, and keep writing me pomes! I want to read more!