Brother

Lol, why do I feel like Jesus was talking to me right then. Any who this Kwanza, A.k.a Holiday, B.k.a your Capt. here speaking and let me be the first to say, this poem was very moving. I can not explain it but for some reason I felt relieved after reading this. It was like my soul was cleanse or something..........the only thing that confused me was the flow you know. Every time I thought I picked up a rhythm I would loose it again......but over all I did enjoy this lovely poem.

Hmm, I think this is a part of a song I heard on the Christian radio station.

CaptainSalty here with a review!

I also like this poem, I believe some parts are fragments and pieces from a song I heard on the radio one day.

There isn't a lot of punctuation as of commas, which makes it a little bit confusing. So I would add some commas in places as of.

Even when nobody stands

Stand on your own

But brother let me be your shelter

When the night winds are driving you home

I'll come and be there for you

Hey there Kat here to review your other piece for Team WHY?

"When your all alone" and "When your afraid it weighs on ..." should be you're like combining you and are . Your is possessive . It's your car not it's you are car. That' how I look at it.Also, try to keep syllables more constant so the flow isn't interrupted but nice formatting (except for lines three and four which are a little bit longer than all the others ).

The second to last line seems forced but I loved the last line and how it tied the poem together, this is really a beautiful message though I wish we knew more about why the brother is so sad and what he is going through .

I'm terribly sorry that this review was so short but there wasn't much else to say except good job.
~Kat

Tigerlilly here to review!

This piece really hit home for me. I love my brother to pieces, and I know being human that we get selfish and sometimes forget that they too need to be uplifted every now and then. The message is brought very clearly through this poem, and the descriptions are just incredible.

I think that the first four lines were your strongest, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, because its always good to have a strong beginning to pull the reader in and make them want to read more. The repetition towards the end also helped with the strong ending as well, making the meaning of the poem very clear and easy to understand. The metaphors were also well thought out and helped the poem have a great flow to it.

As for grammar I couldn't find any mistakes. Its a well written piece, and I can tell you put thought into it. Well done, and keep writing! I look forward to reading more of your works.

Very strong and meaningful. I felt as though I could feel the narrater's want and longing toward her brother. As if I were the narrater, and I felt how this person did. My favorite line is.
"Brother let me be your rain
Washing away the things they say."
It's very creative I love it! The last line summed it all up perfectly.
Oh, and before I completely forget, when writing poetry remember only to wright in regular print. Use the other for example, when someone is talking, or when you want something to stand out that would not own it's own. That's all. Really though, wonderful, wonderful job! I hope to see more!

Great poem. It was very interesting. I wasn't really expecting to read about a person's love for a brother. I'm guessing that based off of how protective the narrator feels toward their brother then the brother would be a younger sibling. "When the night winds are driving you home/I'll come and be there for you/Even when it's so dark that you can't find a way/Brother let me be your rain/Washing away the things they say" would probably be my favorite line out of the whole poem. Overall, I really liked it and I think you have great potential.

Keep on writing!

Dragonrider

I love this song! I listen to it on repeat all of the time!
The message is so beautiful! I played it for my best friend, and she loved it. She actually started crying. When she started, I started, too. And it was one big makeup running mess!
I love what that means: "Brother let me be your shelter, I'll never leave you all alone." I don't know how others depict this song, but I hear this: "I will protect you and I will be by your side for a lifetime." this is the reason that she and I had been crying. It is so touching, the way the lyrics go.

Hello Laelle! Celtic Thunder 1438 here to review some of your work!

First off I would like to say that this poem was very well written. I loved the message you sent. This is one of my favorite poems I have reviewed on here. I saw a lot of emotion in the words, and that is something I love about poetry. I also love it when I can find something in common with the poem, which I found in this one...a sense of wanting to be there for someone your close too, or for random people all alone with nobody.

Sometimes I felt as if it didn't flow to well but that is something that can easily be fixed =) The more I write poetry the more my mind finds unique ways of saying things. One thing I would suggest is to move this poem into a couple stanzas. Its just a suggestion but I find it is a lot easier to read when its slit apart =) Another thing is you need punctuation, like commas and periods and stuff... Very well written though!


"Even when nobody stands

Stand on your own

But brother let me be your shelter

I'll Never leave you all along

I can be there on your call"


That part of the poem had to be my favorite couple of lines =)

Keep up the good work!

~Selina