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Young Writers Society



The Tower's Magic ― Chapter Four

by LadyEvvy


The next morning, the girl, Elena, woke Margaret at the crack of dawn. Or before the crack of dawn, she didn't bother to check. Margaret snapped awake to see Elena waiting by the door. When she saw that Margaret was awake, she left the room and closed the door most of the way behind her.

Margaret had begun to think of the girl as Elena now. She wasn't going to call her that to her face since she wasn't totally sure the girl approved, but she still thought of her as Elena.

Margaret sprang out of bed and swept her cloak out of the closet. She paused by the mirror to check her hair. It was a tangled disaster, but she had yet to find a hairbrush. She would fix it later.

Elena walked a bit slower this time, as though she wanted to make sure Margaret kept up. She didn't look back to see if Margaret was following, but when Margaret paused to adjust her shoes, Elena paused as well.

They finally came to a door at the end of a series of bewildering staircases. Margaret was glad she was wearing such sturdy shoes. In her slippers, she would surely have terrible blisters by now.

Elena held open the door. Margaret tried to peer into the room, but she could see nothing but darkness. She wasn't sure she was willing to go into a room where she couldn't see anything, but Elena was looking at her expectantly, so she took a deep breath and stepped through the doorway.

As it turned out, the room had only seemed dark from the outside. Inside, the room was actually quite well-lit by candles along the walls. She wasn't quite sure how that worked, but she was dealing with wizards in a magic school. It wasn't much stranger than everything else that had happened lately.

Hung from hooks on the far wall were two mirrors, both with intricate gold frames. What is it with all the mirrors? Margaret wondered. She heard the door close behind her, but didn't turn around.

She studied each mirror. They both showed her reflection, her tangled hair spilling down from her head in a ruffled sheet, her crazy assortment of garments awkwardly set against her fine features. They both had the same pattern of diamonds and stars along the edges of their frames. They looked exactly the same, and yet...

Somehow, the mirror on the right felt different. It was off-putting, as though the Mirror Margaret was a stranger, and not a reflection of Margaret herself.

Margaret stepped up to the mirrors and put a hand to each frame. The one on the right, the strange one, hummed almost imperceptibly with some sort of energy. She stepped back and stared at the Mirror Margaret.

She had spoken to the mirrors last time, and something had happened. Maybe she should try that again? But what would she say?

Well, this Mirror Margaret clearly wasn't her. She told it that.

"You're not me."

The Mirror-not-Margaret grinned, as though Margaret had just told her something she'd been waiting to hear. Margaret couldn't help but smile back at her as the Mirror Girl stepped out of the side of the frame.

A lock clicked behind Margaret.

Feeling rather triumphant, she whirled around and yanked open the door, prepared to face her next challenge: Elena. The door did not lead back to the room, however. Instead, Margaret faced a chamber, with a bluish-glowing pond in the middle of the floor. The same room she had been lead to upon her arrival.

She looked out over the pool. Again, something floated in the middle, but it looked different this time. It's silhouette was much smaller, and it didn't look anything like a bird.

Margaret looked behind her, skimmed the shadows. Once again, she appeared to be alone in the room.

She was curious about the thing on the surface of the pool, but she was also wary. What if she was dragged under again? Would she wake up in the room, like last time? Or would something more sinister happen?

In the end, Margaret decided that she would never make any sort of progress if she didn't take action, even if that action was to nearly drown a second time.

When she had last gone into the pond, she had lost her slippers. With vague hope, she scanned the water's edge, but her shoes were gone. She didn't want to lose the work boots, so she stripped them off and held them in her hand as she waded out into the lake for the second time. Hopefully, she would still have them when she returned to the room.

Margaret was tense as she waded through the water, but nothing grabbed her and the room was silent.

She could see the floating object more clearly now. It looked like some kind of boat, with something thin and jagged resting atop it.

The water became deeper as Margaret drew nearer to the middle, but not so deep that she couldn't stand. She finally reached the boat-thing, and reached out to grasp the object that rested on top of it. It looked like some sort of key. In the wavering, unsteady light from the pond's bottom, Margaret could make out intricate designs along it's stem, and the complicated bit she had ever seen.

Margaret turned and waded back out of the pool to the door. She was soaked to her chest, but she had acquired a key of some sort, and still had both shoes in hand.

She tried the handle of the door. It swung open smoothly into her bedroom.


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532 Reviews


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Wed Dec 30, 2015 4:22 pm
ArcticMonkey says...



Hello!

So returning to a point of my last review, I think I understand more now why Elena is leading Margaret to that room. I found this chapter a bit more exciting, if not slightly repetitive. Still, it's nice to see how this story is progressing, and how Margaret seems to be progressing with her trials. Well done.

This first suggestion isn't just specific to this chapter, but all of the parts which have Margaret's POV. I don't like how informal the writing style is here. Using words like "boat-thing" and making it too much like an internal monologue even though it's in the third person doesn't seem completely right. It's just quite informal. I mean if you want to show the way Margaret is then by all means show it through her actions and dialogue, however I think you should keep it out f the narrative.

This links to my next point which is about your paragraphing- they're just not very long, are they. Everything is just quite short and rushed, and I also think that has something to do with the lack of descriptions which I did mention in previous chapters. I think you just need to take some more time with this, slow down a bit.

Lastly, while I appreciate she's doing her trials and such this chapter felt way too repetitive to me. The mirror thing was basically what happened last time. I'm not saying you shouldn't include it however it just didn't feel all that different to me. I hope the next chapter isn't like that too, because I do like the story premise a lot. I feel like this is a bit contradictory, I mean I do think it's rushed- however the repetition also makes the story feel a bit slow. Sorry for the slightly odd nitpick however I think we just need a bit more to the story, but not repeated parts.

I hope this review helps, feel free to ask me any questions or if you'd like another review on anything. Keep writing,

~ArcticMonkey x




LadyEvvy says...


Thank you for the review, as well as the reviews on the other chapters! I see what you mean about the repetition, and I'll try to go back and spice it up a bit. Seems I have some revisions on my hands.



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532 Reviews


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Wed Dec 30, 2015 4:22 pm
ArcticMonkey wrote a review...



Hello!

So returning to a point of my last review, I think I understand more now why Elena is leading Margaret to that room. I found this chapter a bit more exciting, if not slightly repetitive. Still, it's nice to see how this story is progressing, and how Margaret seems to be progressing with her trials. Well done.

This first suggestion isn't just specific to this chapter, but all of the parts which have Margaret's POV. I don't like how informal the writing style is here. Using words like "boat-thing" and making it too much like an internal monologue even though it's in the third person doesn't seem completely right. It's just quite informal. I mean if you want to show the way Margaret is then by all means show it through her actions and dialogue, however I think you should keep it out f the narrative.

This links to my next point which is about your paragraphing- they're just not very long, are they. Everything is just quite short and rushed, and I also think that has something to do with the lack of descriptions which I did mention in previous chapters. I think you just need to take some more time with this, slow down a bit.

Lastly, while I appreciate she's doing her trials and such this chapter felt way too repetitive to me. The mirror thing was basically what happened last time. I'm not saying you shouldn't include it however it just didn't feel all that different to me. I hope the next chapter isn't like that too, because I do like the story premise a lot. I feel like this is a bit contradictory, I mean I do think it's rushed- however the repetition also makes the story feel a bit slow. Sorry for the slightly odd nitpick however I think we just need a bit more to the story, but not repeated parts.

I hope this review helps, feel free to ask me any questions or if you'd like another review on anything. Keep writing,

~ArcticMonkey x




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Fri Oct 16, 2015 4:46 pm
Europa wrote a review...



Hey! Sorry I couldn't get to you sooner. I'm having internet problems right now, so just bear with me.

anyway, review time.

Things I Liked
The tests are really interesting. I beginning to get the feel that the mirrors might symbolize something.

Tweaks
I'm not quite clear on how the other Margaret is different. Maybe try specifying? Unless It's one of those "I can't quite put my finger on it, but..." scenarios.

Questions 'n Stuff

So, does Margaret have magic? If so, when is it used?

Great chapter! I really do love this story, so keep tagging me!




LadyEvvy says...


Hey! Thanks for the review. It's fine, you can't really control technical issues. Is that why you haven't updated your story much lately?

I meant to include something about how the Mirror Girl was different, but I guess it slipped my mind. Thanks for reminding me. Mostly it's just that there's a slight difference between Margaret's behavior and the mirror's, something barely noticeable. I'll be sure to correct that.

Margaret has the potential for magic, but she doesn't know how to use it yet. The tests are as much to teach her to use magic as to see if she could develop it. It will come into play later, but the story's just getting started, really. I don't want to rush it.

I will definitely keep tagging you! It's nice to hear commentary from you. Could you maybe tag me whenever you update The Return of Magic? I'm all caught up on it, and I'll leave you a review with the next update.

-Evvy



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Wed Oct 14, 2015 9:01 pm



Hey LadyEvvy!

Gah! Your book is amazing! I love the story and your writing style, I'm afraid I don't have enough to comment on to make this a review.

I don't know how soon you're planning on getting into it, but there are some questions that I'm surprised Margaret hasn't even tried asking yet. Why is Elena always the one to lead her to the room? Who is in charge of the trials? The reader knows from Elena that there are other students, but do they ever meet? Or are they always kept in their pairs? I love the trials, but would like to see the bigger questions of the plot at least be introduced (for all I know this'll be touched on in the next chapter, but you've certainly have got your reader hooked and longing for more knowledge)

Also, one minor thing: how big is this pool? These tower Chambers don't appear to be described as large, but in your first chapter the pool is described as a lake, making me think of an immense (yet shallow) body of water. I would add just a bit more description to make it less confusing.

Keep it up, you're an amazing writer (even if you confuse yourself) and I can't wait to see what's next!
-backroads




LadyEvvy says...


Thank you for your comments! I really appreciate them!

I know I really need to get into questions like those, but I don't quite know where to put them without making it awkward. I'll work something out, thank you for reminding me to touch on those things!

Thank you also for the pool comment. I'll be sure to look into that.

Thank you again!



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Wed Oct 14, 2015 12:02 am
Mageheart wrote a review...



Oh my freaking god, I love this story so much!
I love all of the trials that our heroine Margaret has been put through so far. And I love how mysterious this school of magic is, along with Elena. I wouldn't have thought of saying that. I would have just stared at the mirror for the longest time. Maybe I would have poked and prodded it several times.
And the thing with Elena...Yup, definitely would have stubbornly called her that, even out loud.
Now onto the almighty key. One can only wonder what it will unlock. Well, except you. Most likely, anyways. I often find that I have no idea what I'm writing. Schadel himself is a perfect example of that.
I can't wait for the trials that will come in the near future, and the key to the mysteries that are starting to be unlocked!
Keep up the great work, and good luck with your writing endeavors!
Oh yeah. So, have you confused yourself, Author? :D




LadyEvvy says...


Yup, I'd have just stared at the mirror, too. Margaret is not me, though, so she get some wits.
I know what the key will unlock, I'm just not sure where I'll go after that. I also tend to plan these things as I write them. Once I'm done with this thing there will be lots of extensive revisions because I won't know where I'm going until I get there.
And, yes, I have confused myself. I've created too many Mirror Margarets and I can't keep track of them. They're running amok!
Best of luck in your writing as well!




Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.
— Lemony Snicket