Margaret strode down the mirror hallway, Elena in tow. She focused intently on the end of the passage, afraid that it might disappear if she glanced away. She didn't say anything, and neither did Elena.
As they drew nearer to the end of the corridor, the room beyond it became clearer. Margaret could make out something on the floor. For a panicked moment she imagined that it might be a sleeping lion, but she shook that idea aside. There were no lions in the magic mirror. Probably.
Finally, Margaret reached the end of the hall. She stepped into the room, then stopped dead so abruptly that Elena almost ran into her.
Lying on the floor was... a girl. A girl in a pink dress lied on her back on the ground.
For a terrified second Margaret thought she was dead. Then she saw the girl's chest rising and falling, and calmed down a bit. What is she doing here? Margaret glanced over at Elena. Elena was staring, wide-eyed, at the girl.
"Who is she?" Margaret whispered.
"I think... I think I know her. Yeah, she was a student here a couple years ago. She failed, and I never saw her again. Her name was, I dunno, Eve, or something."
Margaret realized suddenly, she recognized this girl.
"Eva." Margaret muttered.
"What?"
"Her name is Eva May Page. She was a friend of mine when we were kids."
"You were friends with this brat?" Elena sounded incredulous.
"What?"
"Never mind."
Margaret turned back to the girl. "Eva!" She called.
"What are you doing?" Elena whisper-shouted.
"Trying to wake her up. Eva!" Margaret called again. The girl didn't stir.
Margaret walked cautiously over to the girl. Elena didn't follow, but she didn't stop Margaret either. Margaret sneaked a glance at her and saw that she looked a little concerned, though whether it was for Eva or Margaret herself, she couldn't tell.
"Eva!" Margaret crouched down and shook the girl's shoulder. She didn't move. Margaret shook harder and called her name again. Nothing.
She sat back on her heels at stared at Eva's face. She hadn't really liked Eva the last time she'd seen her. The two had grown apart and broken off their friendship by the time Eva was sent to the Magic Academy, but aside from Elena, she was the only person Margaret had seen since arriving at the school.
Elena crouched next to her. Margaret glanced over at her, trying to read her expression, but her face was set. Elena reached a hand out to the girl. Margaret wondered if she was going to try to wake her up, but she just tapped Eva's throat. Margaret looked down and saw something so blatantly obvious she couldn't believe she'd missed it.
Set in the center Eva's throat was a silver-edged keyhole.
Margaret stared down at the girl's neck. The metal blended smoothly with her skin, as though it had always been there. And running around the edge of the keyhole was a very familiar pattern.
Shakily, Margaret pulled the key out of her pocket and held it over Eva. What'll happen if I do this? Is this even the girl I think it is? Margaret was hesitant to meddle with this sort of magic. It wasn't along the lines of anything she had seen before. It could be dangerous. She turned to Elena for guidance, but her companion was staring intently at the girl, waiting for Margaret to make a move.
If I don't do something, no one will. Hand's shaking, Margaret slid the key into the keyhole. It fit perfectly. She gave it a twist.
The metal of Eva's throat and the key both shattered at the same time, bits of steel falling from Margaret's hand like broken glass. Margaret jumped. She hadn't known metal could do that. Actually, she decided, it probably couldn't unless it was enchanted.
The metal in Eva's throat was gone, replaced by smooth skin without so much as a scar. Eva's eyes snapped open, and her gaze promptly flicked to Margaret.
"Marge?" The first word out of her mouth was shaky and weak.
"Yes. Wow." Margaret was thunderstruck. Was this what happened to students? Was this what would happen to her?
Eva caught a glimpse of Elena and her eyes narrowed.
"What is she doing here?" Eva didn't seem too happy about Elena's presence. Elena didn't say anything in response, just folded her arms across her chest.
Whatever these two had on each other, Margaret wasn't going to let them tough it out until she was done.
"Eva, what are you doing here?" Margaret had meant to ask gently, but her voice came out demanding.
Eva didn't seem to mind. Her attention returned to Margaret, and she sat up. "Marge, you have to get me out of here! I don't know what happened or where I am or what to do or how to get out of hereandIwanttogohomeMargejustletmegohome—"
"Calm down, Eva, I'll get you out of here. Just stop panicking, okay? Calm down. Stop crying." This little experience was reminding Margaret of why she and Eva had stopped talking. It wasn't that Margaret didn't like her, it was just that Eva was clingy and panicky and didn't know how to hold her own.
Don't be like that Marge. I don't know what she's been through here.
"Eva, how did you get here?" Margaret asked.
"I don't know." Eva sniffled. "He dragged me out of my room one morning and told me I'd failed, and then everything went black."
"Who's 'he?'"
"I don't know, Marge. Some wizard."
Margaret paused to mull that over. Some wizard, huh? What could that mean?
"And you don't know anything that's happened since?" Elena finally spoke up.
"I know a few things. I woke up a couple times, I think, but I wasn't... myself. I was just kind of watching, but I couldn't move. I saw the room, the bedroom, and I saw people. You know, like students or something and, and you." Eva finished with another glare towards Elena.
"So... you were sort of... watching from the mirror?" Margaret asked.
"I guess, maybe? I don't know. Just get me out of here!" Eva was screaming now, tears running down her face. "Why don't you just get me out, Marge? I need to go, now!"
Margaret had to calm Eva down. She put her hand on Eva's shoulder. Just as her hand made contact, however, the world began to swim. A loud ringing sounded in her ears, her vision blurred, and Margaret blacked out.
End of chapter
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Hey Evvy!
I think that each chapter gets more and more interesting and I'm glad that another character was introduced here. Not only that, it has raised a bunch of interesting questions for the reader which makes them want to read on. I also thought it was interesting how it was someone Margaret knew from previous experiences.
My first suggestion is to have more descriptions for Eva. I think I tell you to stop and describe quite a lot so I don't wanna be repeating myself too much in these reviews but definitely more character description is needed here! The part at the beginning where you say she's lying on the floor I think is the perfect opportunity to bring some more descriptions of what she looks like and even more imagery about the settings.
Personally, I don't really like the amount of rhetorical questions you put here. I think one every now and again is okay but having two or three in a row becomes a bit tedious and to be honest, makes it ineffective. You should be trying to make the reader question these things for themselves, which in fact, happens anyways, so yeah, I just don't think all of the rhetorical questions are needed.
Honestly, I'm finding it quite hard to like Margaret, and here is an example of why. I mean surely she should understand that Eva has probably been through something pretty rough and just let the past go a bit. I think it's cool to explain background stories, but here it seems to be in the wrong place- unless that literally is what Margaret is thinking at that time. If so, it makes her not a very understanding character and therefore just not very likeable.
Once again, hope this helps! Feel free to ask my any questions, sorry for the short review, I'll be on to the next chapter now. Keep writing,
~ArcticMonkey x
Hey there! Sorry its been so long since I've reviewed your work! I gotta say, I was NOT expecting that twist at all. This school gets stranger by the minute, and I can't wait to figure out what's going on with Eva and Margaret!!
The only thing that struck me as strange was Eva's behavior. It didn't seem to have a natural 'flow' (sorry, not quite sure how to articulate)
This seems like a odd thing to start Eva off with, especially considering how she begins to flip out shortly after. If anything, I would just rearrange these bits so that Elena contributes to her panic. Maybe start with her dazed ans whatnot, and then after her initial panic (Marge, you have to get me out of here!), have her notice Elena and freak out even more.
Other than the feel of that section, this is a great chapter! I love how you're slowly developing and introducing us to your world inside the tower, can't wait to read more
Hope this was a little helpful,
-backroadstraveler
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA! PLOT TWIST!!!!
*takes a deep breath* I'm good now. Well, at least I think I am. Maybe. Just possibly. Just a smidge. Okay, not really.
You're definitely maintaining that all important air of mystery. That's for sure.
*takes another deep breath* Sorry, just a bit startled here. Nothing more than that. Just wondering, is Eva's nickname Evvy? *accusatory look*
Welcome Eva, to the world of YWS! *throws celebratory streamers*
So, questions. Why is Eva the only person that Margaret has seen besides Elena? What happened to Eva? How long has Eva been there? How did Eva end up in front of Margaret? And who the heck is the wizard that knocked Eva unconscious? Oh yeah, and what will happen to our beloved heroine Margaret?
Great job, like usual! Please upload the next chapter soon, because the cliffhanger is killing me! By the way, good luck on your writing endeavors!
Calm down! If you can't handle this plot twist, the next one will definitely be too much. What am I supposed to do then?
Air of mystery, good! I'm worried my mystery is becoming nonsense.
No, Eva is not me, nor does she share my pen name. I would not attempt such blasphemy as self-insertion. Even if I did name a character after myself, it would have to be someone a heck of a lot cooler than Eva.
*Puts on party hat* Welcome Eva!
Calm down, rain of questions! All will be answered in due time! Especially that last one. Have patience, dear reader!
I'm writing as fast as I can! Not really, but sort of! Good luck to you as well.
I don't know!

Don't worry. It's not.
I just thought that because of your character connections thing. You said that someone from this story was named Evvy-*slams head against wall* You mentioned Eva later on! I'm an idiot sometimes. Evvy must be Elena...
Thanks!
Yup, Elena is Evvy, but I'm thinking of changing her name, just so Eva and Evvy don't get mixed up. That and Elena and I are really too different to share a name, and the rest of the characters have such traditional names that Evvy would be out of place.
That does make sense. *nods head extremely wisely* I know what you mean. I have this one name that I use-and I have no idea where this started-but I have a tendency to name characters Claire. I've only met one Claire in my life so far, and that was a temporary acquaintance. So still confused on that. I bet Sunrise will have a Claire...
Claire is an excellent name! A couple years ago I had a minor obsession with the name Ginger. Almost every story I came up with had a Ginger in it somewhere. Looking back now, I can't see why I was so fond of the name.
I'm going to make that my little secret. I'll slip a Claire into all of my stories. If you think about it, Claret is technically one with a fantasy twist...
You can put a variation of Claire in each story to make it more subtle. Claret for The Schadel Files, Claire for Sunrise. Clara, Clarissa, Eclair. The possibilities are endless.
Genius!