The Tower's Magic ― Chapter Two

by LadyEvvy

Published October 8, 2015

In Misc.

The girl lay on the floor for a pretty long time. I figured she'd be while, and that I should enjoy my last few hours of peace before she woke up.

Judging by the little missy's lacy dress and pricey jewelry, she was going to be another uptight, demanding brat, just like every other student ever. 

I turned back to my work, a miniature metal dragonfly. Insects were always difficult, especially dragonflies, with their delicate legs and paper-thin wings. I twisted a wire with the utmost care, the steel bending easily into a new wing. Yes, insects were a challenge. That was why I liked making them.

I was almost finished with the wing when the girl finally woke up. She was quite a looker, with brilliant blue eyes and a curtain of waist-length blond hair, though right now she was bleary-eyed from sleep and her hair was in horrid tangles around her heart-shaped face.

She stared at me for a second, confused, and I almost felt sorry for her, but I quickly swept that feeling away. These girls would not break my heart again. I steeled myself and threw up my guard.
The little lady got herself sorted out faster than most, I will admit.

"Might I ask your name?" she asked. She was so sweet and polite that I almost couldn't think of a sarcastic response, despite having had this conversation a dozen times before, so I went for my default answer.

"Finally awake, princess? I was beginning to think you'd just lay there forever." Not the wittiest thing I've ever come up with, but it works in place of an introduction. I try to throw in as much sarcasm as possible to make up for my lame reply, and this seems to shake her.

"Er, well, yes. I'm Margaret. And who might you be?"

"What's it to you?" No no, missy. My name will be disclosed only on a need-to-know basis.

"Well, I'd like to know." But you don't need to know.

"Too bad."

The girl, Margaret, looked aggravated for a second before she composed herself. Good, my tactics were working.

"I think we got off on the wrong foot here. I'd like to know where I am." Margaret told me.

"And I'd like a puppy, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna get one."

"What is your problem?" The little princess finally lost her temper. This wasn't exactly a major outburst, but it was a start. She'd hate me. Good.

"Shall I make you a list?" I gave her my most irritating smirk. I had spent years working on that smirk, and I had nearly perfected it. "Let's see here. I'm sick of working for a bunch of ungrateful, blue-blooded brats, and here comes another one now. I've been in this god-forsaken school for who knows how long now, and the only person I've seen in a week--"

"Shut up! Just- just shut up, alright? I'm tired, and I don't want to be here any more than you do. You're not going to keep bullying me when I've done nothing to you! Just shut up!"

Hmm, that was interesting. Usually the little princesses would shout something about my status, or my appearance, or their daddy's money. This was different. She was getting annoyed though.

"That's the spirit!"

She looked even angrier for a moment, then something changed in her face. She seemed to understand what I meant, which was rare in the girls I had to work with. I grinned, a real smile, not the fake ones I used to push people to their limits.

My work done, I left the room and strode down the hall to the stairway.

Nobody ever survived the Magic Academy without anger. Defiance. it gave them strength. I really did want to be Margaret's friend, but that wouldn't work, not for me, not for her. Most students failed the school, and I knew I couldn't take too much of that. I haven't had a friend since Anabelle. But that was all in the past. Anabelle may as well be dead for all I knew.

I climbed the stairs to the clock tower, my sanctuary. I swung myself out through the window and onto the roof. This was where I came to think things through and work on my metal-craft, if you could call it that. Living in a magic school I was bound to pick up something, right?

Perched on my rooftop, I pulled out the dragonfly I had been working on earlier. It was nearly finished now, just a few tweaks should do it. I held the metal gently in my hands and it bent to my will, the wings twitching slightly as they adjusted. Now for the final touch.

I held out my arm over the dizzying drop from the roof and tilted my hand slowly, ever so slowly, until the little steel insect slid off my palm and plummeted toward the earth. It didn't fall far, however, before it's gleaming wings buzzed and it righted itself in the air.

My new companion returned to me and settled itself comfortably on my shoulder. Together, we watched the sun set over the trees to the west. Or at least I watched. I had no idea what my metal creations thought once they left my hands. It didn't matter much to me I suppose, so long as they seemed happy.

Eventually, it was time for me to return to the room and tend to my new mistress, but I wasn't ready to go just yet. I was still thinking nostalgically of Anabelle.

By the time Anabelle had come around, I had already learned that becoming friends with students was only going to hurt when they inevitably failed and vanished. I had learned to keep my guard up, and not to get too attached to anyone I met. Anabelle didn't seem to care though. She was always friendly to me, no matter how much sarcasm I threw at her. Eventually, I just couldn't keep it up, and we became friends. She was the one who gave me my name. The year I spent with Anabelle was the best of my pathetic life.

She had failed, of course. Anabelle never managed to learn magic. She was too soft, too forgiving. Try as might to help her, the magic just never came.

I didn't know what happened to students who failed. They weren't killed, I hoped, but I never saw them again either, and they never left the school. They just... disappeared.

While I had been sitting, the sun's dying rays had faded from the sky, and the school was now cloaked in shadows. I loved the stars, and the moon, but it terrified me to look down and see the school in darkness like that. Only rarely would I stay out this late. It was time to go back to see the girl. Margaret, I guess.

I dragged myself off the roof and back through the window. Seeming to understand that it was time to go, my dragonfly took off into the night. I didn't know where it would go, but I knew it wouldn't be back. None of them ever returned to the school, and why should they? I'd follow them if I could.

I knew I should really just let Anabelle go, but I couldn't help thinking that she might be alive somewhere, trapped in the school.

Back in the room, Margaret was sleeping again. I slipped over to my corner of the room as quietly as I could so that I wouldn't wake her.

The less I had to talk to her the better.

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
ArcticMonkey
Review
ArcticMonkey wrote a review Review · Dec 30, 2015

Hey again!

So the perspective change threw me off initially, but I actually enjoyed this chapter much much more, and here is why. There seems to be more of an empathetic character and more of a back story into this Magic school. The stuff about Anabelle was interesting to read and again, made this mystery girl more relatable in the sense she's obviously upset. Also, I think this flowed a bit better than the last chapter.

Okay so the perspective change confused me because at first I thought it was still Margaret's POV but then I soon realised it wasn't. Right now I don't know what your other chapters are going to be like however I mean, perspective changes are fine, however I thought it'd still remain third person? Like a third person POV of this mystery girl rather than the first person. Another problem with this I felt was the repetition of the speech in the last chapter. Like it was interesting to get this girl's perspective, however the exact repetition of what happened in the last chapter wasn't needed.

Hmm other improvements, I guess some more descriptions again would be nice. Maybe what the POV character thinks of Margaret, I know you've done that already, but a bit more would be cool. Maybe just a little something about Anabelle too, unless you're saving that for later. Actually, just more imagery about the general settings are needed because, like I said previously, this isn't like real life so there should be more descriptions about the settings.

Generally, I like how this story is progressing. The perspective change was a cool idea it just needs a bit of tweaking. I'm sorry this review was a bit short but if you have any questions feel free to ask. Off to the next chapter now... Keep writing,

~ArcticMonkey x

backroadstraveler commented Comment · Oct 9, 2015

Hey LadyEvvy! Loved what you've got here! You've done a great job characterizing the narrator and Margret (from the first chapter)! I find the whole idea intriguing and love the fact that you keep the school shrouded in so much mystery!

The one one small thing I noticed:

I didn't know where it would go, but I knew it wouldn't be back. None of them ever were.
feels like half of a thought- here I think you have a chance to emphasize the narrator's loneliness by changing the second sentence to something the lines of 'they never came back to me.'

Amazing idea, great writing! I can't wait to read the next chapter you've written!
-backroadstraveler

Thank you for the review!
I didn't think of the loneliness thing, and you're totally right about it. It's a great idea, too! I'll try to fit something like that in there when I revise this.
Thank you again!
-Evvy

User avatar
Europa
Review
Europa wrote a review Review · Oct 8, 2015

Hi! TheFantasy14 here!
I told you I'd be back...
*Ahem* Sorry. Review.
Things I liked
I'm really liking this other character (Let's call her She-Who-Will-Not-Be Named, shall we?) She seemed relateable, and I liked that she's her own girl (All my female character are strong and sarcastic at one point) She's the perfect counter weight to Margaret, but she has a deeper side to her that holds a lot of inner conflict.
She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named is a very well developed and well written character, good job!

Tweaks
One idea I'd like to put out there, maybe put a name or something at the top of the page so we know who's narrating what. I didn't have a problem figuring out who was doing the talking this time around, it's just a friendly suggestion.

Questions 'n Stuff
So, does, She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named have a nickname or something later on in the story? It would be easier to identify her if she did. (I have a character who keeps her name hidden too, and she likes to call herself Kat) How long has she been making these contraptions? Do they play a significant part in the storyline?

Over all, there's nothing really negative to say about this. I'm already hooked! Keep on writing and let me know when the next post is up. (Just tag @TheFantasy14 when your next post comes up and I'll be there)

-Fanty

Thank you for the review!

I'm glad you like She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named! I was a bit nervous putting her up here like that. I was worried that the way she interacts with Margaret might seem unrealistic or melodramatic.

I do agree that it may be difficult to understand whose perspective we're in, but I like to use pronouns instead of blatantly stating points of view. I'm glad it was clear enough this time around, but I'll try to find a way to make it more obvious, because it's going to switch back and forth pretty fast later on. Thank you for pointing that out!

She-Who-Is-Yet-Unnamed considers her name very personal, so sharing it with Margaret (and the readers) comes later after some trust is gained. She will get a nickname soon, though, and that might clear things up a bit.
The metal machine things do come into play later, but I thought I'd introduce them early on as part of the character.

I'll certainly let you know when the next one comes up! I'll also get around to reading and reviewing your work, I've just been too lazy so far.

Thank you again!

Europa replied · Oct 8, 2015

Thanks! A new post is coming soon on mine, so keep your eyes peeled.

User avatar
Holysocks
Review
Holysocks wrote a review Review · Oct 8, 2015

Hello! Care for a review?

I like the premise; a school that swallows up it's failed students- or, more or less. It makes me wonder why people go there, if they know -or do they?- that there's a very small chance of them actually finishing and making it out of the school. Is it required of some sort of people or something, to go to this school? Or is it peer pressure, perhaps? Also it seems like a very quiet school, very ghostly. I'm surprised the students get one-on-one teacher time. I guess perhaps there aren't many students in the first place- maybe they're too afraid.

I haven't had a friend since Anabelle. She had failed, of course. Too soft.


This line, and the one below...

She failed, of course. Anabelle never managed to learn magic. She was too soft, too forgiving.


...Are terribly alike. Only one of these lines is needed; you shouldn't have to say something twice in such a short amount of writing. I think there may have been more examples of this happening in this chapter, but I can't recall. Just keep an eye out for that, it just clogs up your writing.

I didn't know where it would go, but I knew it wouldn't be back.


How did he know that it wouldn't be back? Do all of his creations disappear into the night never to return? Why do they do that? Isn't there a spell or something that will tell them to stick around? Just curious. It would be good to know how he knows his critter won't return, especially.

I love the dragonfly bit, by the way. I love the idea of tiny metal wings bursting into life. And it makes me wonder if that's the only magic he's picked up on, that little bit of joy that keeps him in awe. Maybe that's why he continues teaching day after day. I wouldn't know.

In any case, it's and interesting idea, and I'm curious to see what happens! Keep it up!!!

-Socks

Thank you for your comments!

I was thinking the students who were sent to the school didn't really get a say in the matter. I thought it would be more for children whose parents didn't really want them in on the inheritance or family business. I should have made that more clear though, thank you for pointing that out!

I didn't even notice how similar those lines were either! I'll fix that.

I'll be sure to clarify these things, and thank you again! This was really helpful!

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Toy467 Comment
Toy467 commented Comment · Oct 8, 2015

i like it

Thanks. I'm glad you do.



Obsessing over what you regret won't get you anywhere.
— Steggy