Young Writers Society

This poem is really good and I really love it. This is really good punctuation and grammar and spelling. I must use this very important word to describe this very important poem.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Anyway great job.

Hey LadyBird!

You're going to review my poom for KotGR stuff, so here I am. I'm not reading all of these, just the last two parts in the Green Room, ish. apparently "this is my end" is not the end of this?

Anyway!

I feel like this poem needs to be looked at from the perspective of "the lack of trust" because that's the first real line that's unique and valuable. Let me show you a little clearer what I mean.

"I struggle each day to find the facts in the fiction"
basically means "I see my life as a fantasy, and I want to know the truth" but really it seems to be a placeholder for an open here, it doesn't feel like that is what you mean by what you're saying. It feels like you're saying "Fact and fiction" are two key words in my life.

"All the words that may surround and tempt me"
This is tacked together with "I struggle each day to find the facts in the fiction, all the words that may surround and tempt me" but that doesn't really make a cohesive sentence. Basically that is trying to mean "I can't find the truth, all these words are distractions." Yeah, that makes sense, but it's not said that way. It's said "[I] struggle" and "[that may surround]" and I think that's because if you just said "I struggle to find the truth when I'm distracted by all these words," you wouldn't sound poetic.

You don't need to sound poetic, and these lines don't sound true to me. It doesn't sound like you're trying to find the truth when you're using the word "facts" with "fiction" and you're focusing more on the cadence of "surround and tempt" then what you're actually potentially trying to say. Because of that, I dismiss these first two lines.

"But the only thing I continue to find is the lack of trust"
THIS is an interesting line. Where do you find that lack of trust, lack of trust in what, lack of trust in whom? Where is this coming from? Where are we going with this?
My problem with this poem is that you found your line, but then because it was NaPo, I'm guessing, you didn't realize you had it.

In this poem, THAT is your poem. The lack of trust. Find what made you say that because that is a powerful statement. You need to follow it up with metaphors and showing the reader what you're feeling a lack of trust in. Get personal with it.

A lack of feeling is another poem entirely. That shouldn't play into a poem about a lack of trust, because a lack of feeling is so much more in such a different direction. It's a whole other verse in this story.

I don't really understand why you go into this mumbo jumbo about individuality at the end here, and knowing yourself. Does that tie into a lack of trust? Is it a lack of trust in yourself? Tell us!

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for your lovely poem.

Let's get to it.

Wow this is a really well written poem LadyBird, You have some really emotion full sentences here, even if this is a short poem, it has a lot in it that's for sure.

I really like this line, It was a really great way to start your poem off with a pang.

i struggle each day to find the facts in the fiction,