Heya, Kaos! I wasn't going to review poetry today, but I decided I'd go ahead and grab this from the green room. To the review!
The first thing I noticed was this-
Seeing is not perceiving, The stars are not golden and do not radiate/at least not from here
I know this is astronomy imagery but I'm having a hard time piecing this together with the rest of it. The star part I get, but you're comparing and contrasting at the same time. In the poem you're comparing real things to astronomical, and here you're contrasting. The,"At least not from here," part is what I mean by this. I think you could leave it off, but I dunno. I'm reviewing a poem beyond my knowledge.
Our hearts are not the ones/ inside greeting cards and coloring books
I think this pretty much sums up the rest of the poem, and they are my favourite lines. If I'm not mistaken, you're trying to say that our hearts are real and they feel, right? They can hurt, be happy, feel pain, feel joy. Things like that, if I'm not mistaken.
[qoute] I shrugged/shrug/will shrug them off[/quote]
This line felt really weird to read. You could have gotten the same message out of saying,"I always shrug them off," and you wouldn't have used three different tenses of,"shrug."
Space is a rusty faucet
Again, here I'm having trouble understanding what you mean and how this fits with the lines before and after it. I know meteors sometimes appear red, but aren't they other colours as well? I'm not too sure, but this didn't seem to go with the next lines,"Meteors splatter as they rain through the sky." It just didn't make sense to me.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one. Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Matthew Casanova Aaron.
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Reviews: 624
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