Mysterious Screams (Chapter 1)

by KFdreams02

Published December 26, 2016

18+ Language Violence Mature Content

In Poetry

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Impossible (Chapter 1)

“Baby cakes!” The young woman hollered from the laundry room in a small, one bedroom house. “Baby cakes come here a second!” she hollered again. 

A young man by the name of Dwayne Kerns, stood in the kitchen in complete silence, watching a baseball game on a little 10” box TV. He was tall, about 6’5”, with muscle rolling like waves upon his arms, legs, and torso. Dirty blonde hair hung to his shoulders, and dark brown eyes rested themselves upon a tanned canvas that was slowly growing a small goatee. 

She hollered a third time, “Baby cakes!”, this time with a little more irritation in her voice. 

Finally, he snapped back into reality, no longer on the diamond, watching Roger Clemens strike out one after another and after another. “I’m coming Girly!” he hollered back at her. 

Tiredly, he grabbed his late night cigar bundle, placed it back on the pantry shelf, and started walking towards the laundry room. He had been planning to light one up and smoke it for the past hour, but he got caught up in the game. 

As he came into view, walking his slow, but very powerful and intimidating stride, he saw her, his almost brand new wife, Katie Kerns, standing there by the washer, taking a break from sorting through the clothes. Her hand was lightly placed upon her hip, and her brown, permed curls, hung just to her shoulders. She had switched into her nightly pajamas, underwear and one of Dwayne’s T-shirts, signaling that she was exhausted and ready for bed. She smiled a sleepy "fuck you" grin, but he still couldn’t help but think that she looked adorable wearing it. She help up her other hand, and in it, clenched tightly in a grip that began to slowly loosen, were about 5 pairs of men’s boxers, but they were so torn up you would think they were a dog’s play time gone wrong. 

“So you expect me to wash these, and then you’ll just wear them again?” 

The “fuck you” look grew stronger, as if she was thinking, “Wow. I love sorting through laundry at midnight to try to pick out the rags that he doesn’t feel like throwing away. No, he would much rather just toss them in the laundry pile and go watch his baseball.” 

He smiled at her calmly, trying not to laugh and tell her how cute she looks when she’s trying to be all serious and mad when she’s half asleep. “Why do I need boxers again?” He pointed down to his crotch, proving in a very sarcastic manner that he was definitely not wearing boxers now.

She didn’t blink an eye, not because she was too angry to care, but because she was just too tired to notice. He finally gave in and took her seriously long enough to apologize somewhat, 

“Okay I won’t let it happen again. Now come to bed, you’re tired.” 

So, she took his hand, knowing that if she didn’t she’d probably trip on air, or run into a wall, or get tackled by furniture. Slowly he took her back to the bed, tucked her in, kissed her goodnight, and crawled in next to her, gently placing his hands around her waist. 

Every night he went to bed with the same thought in the back of his head, I’m a very lucky man. But all this, all the love and thankfulness and peace, it would all change the very next day, July 24, 1986.

“What happened here?” This question came from the mouth of a young rookie detective, barely on the job for two weeks. Her name was Luan Hanaken, but everyone called her Lewy. She had light milk chocolate skin, and extremely dark chocolate eyes. Her black hair was curled and poofed up into a small afro, and quite frankly, it actually fit her very nicely. She was about 5’8”, and maybe 130 lbs. She had a small waist, tight hips. and tits that easily measured out to a D cup. When she wasn’t on the job, you’d most likely find her with a small Swisher Sweets cigar sticking out of her mouth, giving a smokey flavor to her big red lips, which were always covered with a Mary Kay gloss.

At this moment in time, her top teeth were gently clenching her bottom lip, slightly rubbing off the bottom red. Her dark brown eyes were extremely attentive, but if you were to uncover that look, you would find a deeper feeling, fear. And below that one, nausea. 

In front of her lay her first real murder victim. She had investigated three other dead bodies before this one, but one was deemed a heart attack, and the others were deemed suicide. Her partner John, who was a very seasoned detective (he had been in the NYPD for over 20 years), had never seen anything like this before, and his facial expression showed that clearly. 

Lewy may have only been working with him for less than two weeks, but she was very good at figuring out people, and she learned very quickly that it takes a lot to have John completely in shock, whether it was a surprise birthday party, or a man running around the city naked, higher than a kite on LSD screaming that he was Hulk Hogan, John wouldn’t flinch. But this, this got him, and it got him good. 

In the empty hotel room 620, at the Ruby Inn (a rundown shack that should’ve been closed a long time ago), they found a woman’s body. She had been propped in a chair naked, with her hands and feet tied together with her own intestines (this was obvious because her stomach had been sliced open and she had been completely gutted out, her other insides nowhere to be found). Her eyes, toes, nose, ears, bottom jaw, fingers (not including her thumbs), and her breasts had all been chopped off, also nowhere to be found. 

Finally, John replied to Lewy’s question. “I don’t know Lewy, but I have a bad feeling about this case.”

They called the morgue, and within 30 minutes, the body was being driven to Doctor Montgomery’s ‘office’ to be looked at more, and hopefully figured out. And so, with the body out of the way, they began to look around the crime scene. 

Within minutes, Lewy realized something that seemed impossible, “John?” she called him over, her voice sounding a little bit jagged, as if she had just seen a ghost. 

As he came over, she began to point at the chair that the body had just sat in less than 10 minutes ago. “There’s no blood anywhere. None on the floor, none on the chair, nothing.” 

As she said this, she also noticed that the smell of the slowly decaying body was no longer almost unbearable. In fact, the second they had taken Jane Doe out of that chair, it almost went away completely. 

John looked at the chair in silence, mumbled a quiet , “Hm?” and went back to looking for evidence. 

Most the time, Lewy would’ve jumped all over him for giving such a simple response to such an unexplainable question, but this time she let it slide without any fuss. “What was he suppose to say?” She thought these words to herself, knowing that even she would’ve probably only responded to that sort of evidence with a simple ”Hm?” too. 

About 20 minutes passed of looking for everything and finding nothing, when John noticed something out of the ordinary. “Hey Lewy, come look at this.” 

As Lewy walked over, he signaled her to stop, as if she was about to step on a priceless artifact. He pointed at the floor where his and her shoes had made a perfect cast of their soles. 

“Look.” he commanded gently. 

She looked, and still saw the same thing she had seen before. “What?” she asked annoyingly, “What am I supposed to be seeing right now?” 

John rolled his eyes, sighed, and mumbled, “Rookies.” under his breath, which made Lewy begin to remember that she was the newbie, and though he was old, he might not be as senile as he sometimes seems. 

“When we got here, there was only one set of footprints in this dusty hell hole, and I’ll bet with a few comparison methods, we can be assured that they’re probably the victims.” 

Lewy looked at him, finding herself startled, confused, and questioning everything about this case. “But…but…but that’s impossible.” she managed to get out. 

“Obviously not my dear, cause here we are.” She looked at the shoe prints again, and quietly asked herself, “But if she walked in alone, why didn’t she walk back out?”

“Morning Baby Cakes” 

Katie’s soft, gentle voice was sweetly carried on the currents of the hot Georgian air, falling into Dwayne as he opened his eyes to her tired smile, and then flashed her one himself.

As she slowly got out of bed (knowing that if she moved to quickly, the bedside table might try to take her down again), the blankets rolled off her smooth peach skin. She was a pretty girl, mentally and physically. Her base was held together beautifully by a pair of thick thighs, a tight but nicely sized ass on the back, and on the front, a shaven, glistening jewel that all women possessed, but this one belonged specifically to Dwayne. After that, her curves like sand dunes led to a smaller waist, but still a little bit thicker. And with that, the sand dunes curved back out, to a pair that was small, but definitely noticeable. 

She walked, or actually, she more so stumbled to the closet to get her clothes. She was always known for being the clumsy one, and having just woken up, being attacked by invisible leprechauns that wish to trip her and send her head smashing into the wall, was a completely legitimate possibility. 

“Why are you getting dressed? It’s your day off, kick back, relax, I’ll love on ya a little.” 

Most of this was said with half of his face smothered in the pillow, but after the last part, he looked up at her, grinned, and dramatically face planted back into the pillow. She giggled, and then continued on her way to find some clothes to wear.

After leaving him hanging a while on the thought of “What in the hell is she up to?”, she decided to give in and grant him some mercy, as she didn’t want his brain to hurt to much (after all, he is a simple minded male who just woke up). 

“I gotta go to the doctor’s” 

This caused Dwayne to open his eyes a little more, and only drew more questions in his head.

“Why?” he asked, obviously not understanding a thing going on.

“Haven’t you noticed anything different about me lately?” she asked, signaling the “you’d better guess what it is wise ass, or you’re in deep” look. 

She was great at looks like that, and Dwayne enjoyed them, not cause she was talented with them, but because she looked adorable doing them. 

He looked up tiredly, snapped his fingers, and pointed at her. “You’ve been crying more. What’s been wrong? You know that scale lies to you every time you step on it. I’ll love you no matter how big you get.” 

She did not laugh or even smile at his sarcasm. Her look had now turned to a “you’re an ass hole” look. He loved this look more than any of the others, it was by far his favorite to see her wear.

“Funny.” she finally replied, and turned to continue looking for clothes. 

“Girly come on. What is it?” 

She looked at him, a “you really are stupid” look crossed her face, and he couldn’t help but grin. 

“I haven’t had my period for the past two months. I think I’m pregnant.” 

Dead silence hit the room for what seemed like hours, though it was only a few seconds. 

“Wait…what?” 

Dwayne’s eyes were wide with a little bit of everything. There was fear, excitement, and joy. There was imagination and surprise. Maybe there was even a dash of confusion as he tried to rap his brain around this news. 

She looked back at him with a small grin growing across her face, “I think I’m pregnant.” Just hearing the words come out of her mouth felt like a gift from God himself. 

After laying in bed for a little bit, his heart racing with so much shock he thought getting up would lead to an unescapable heart attack, his excitement got the best of him. He jumped to his feet, and smiles and laughter filled their little bedroom. 

“We’re having a baby Girly! We’re actually having a baby!” 

He speed walked over to her, and placed his hands on her waist, giving her a kiss as a couple joyful tears rolled from his eyes. With that, he slowly dropped to his knees, wrapping his hands around her lower back, and then softly kissed her tummy. “I’m gonna be a daddy” he whispered to himself as a few more tears rolled down his face. And he would’ve been a great one at that.

“Hello Monty” John said as he walked into the room with simple wave. 

Doctor Montgomery (who was called Monty for short by his long time friends) looked up from the woman’s body that had been sitting in that hotel room no more than 5 hours ago, and waved a tired wave, quietly saying, “Hello” back at him. 

“What have you found?” Lewy asked politely. In her mind, she was craving any answers that she could get. 

“Well,” the doctor began, “She had one hell of a run.” 

He looked up at the detectives and sighed. The look on his face assured both John and Lewy, that this case was only going to become even more difficult for them to take in with the information they were about to receive. 

“Her stomach was the first to be cut open, and she should’ve died right then and there, being gutted and all, but she didn’t. But…she was cut open from the inside out.” 

Lewy looked over at him like he was going mad. “What?” she asked in complete amazement and disbelief. 

He looked at her, held up his finger, and smiled. “There’s more.” 

But this thought was not at all reassuring. Before he could continue, Lewy jumped in with a question. “But isn’t there any possibility that maybe the killer found out a way to cut her open like that, and keep her alive for the rest of the torture?” 

The doctor looked at her and frowned, cause he knew she wasn’t gonna like what she was about to hear. 

“Lewy, when I say they gutted her, I mean they GUTTED her. That means her heart and lungs too. Even her esophagus.” 

A shiver ran down Lewy’s body. “How?” she thought. “It isn’t possible. 

“I also found some parts of her.” the doctor said. “In what had become an empty hole for her throat, I found her eyes, ears, fingers, toes, and nose.” 

“How did she die?” John asked. “Well, she was drowned.” 

Lewy looked even more surprised now than ever. “So let me get this straight. Her heart and lungs were among some of the first things removed from her body, and then at the end of it all, during which she was somehow still alive, she was drowned when she had no lungs to even fill with water?” 

At this point, an almost aggressive look spread across her face, as if Doctor Montgomery was telling one of the biggest lies ever told. He looked up at her with a bit of fear in his eyes when he saw how she was taking this information (as he was an older gentleman who weighed a whopping 110 lbs and stood a whole 4’11”) and responded with a sigh. 

“Yes, I’m afraid that’s how it appears.” 

John, who had stood silent through most of this very strange examination, decided to ask a question that would have an answer. 

“Have you figured out who she is?” 

Montgomery shook his head. “Nope, still a Jane Doe.” 

Lewy had heard enough, and by now, she couldn’t here anything out side of her own mind. The voices in her head were too loud, and they continued to shutter as they asked, “How…it isn’t…what happened?”

“Where are we going?” Dwayne asked as they turned the opposite way of the doctor’s office in their small, single cab 1974 Ford Ranger. It was light blue, but the paint was broken up into an unattractive dapple as the rust began to break through. The stick was a little sticky, and it took a lot of effort to get it into gear, but once you got rolling, the only problem was the annoying thud that the front tires made with every right turn. 

“I need to get some groceries. Plus, if we head for the doctor’s now, we’ll get there an hour early. We have some time to spare.” 

Dwayne smiled, and laid his hand softly onto Katie’s tummy again. He swore that he could almost feel the magic, a beautiful baby, slowing growing and growing. He could almost see it in there, floating, changing, and the thought brought absolute amazement. “We made this. We made life.” he thought to himself. By the time he snapped back into the real world, Katie had pulled into the parking lot of a little grocery store. 

It might have been little, but Peter’s Corner Store was the cheapest place they could go being married for only 3 months, and having a baby on the way now. 

“I’ll just run in real quick and get what we need.” 

Katie began to step out of the truck when Dwayne jumped out and looked at her over the hood.

“I’ll come in with you and push the cart. Don’t want my Girly overworking.” 

Katie just rolled her eyes at this, and started walking towards the front door, Dwayne following her like a puppy dog. She grabbed the cart, Dwayne quickly jumping to her side and stealing it, and they began walking through the isles. 

If the music hadn’t of been playing, you would’ve been able to here Katie mumbling, “Milk. Milk. Where’s the…ah ha!” 

As they turned to walk down the canned goods isle, three men walked in, all of them in black hoodies, pants, gloves, and shoes. Dwayne went to pull back over behind the shelves, putting his left arm around Katie to pull her back, but before he could get out of the men’s sight, one pulled a gun. The other’s followed. 

“Everybody! On the ground! Now!” 

Katie froze with fear, and instead of getting on the ground, she stood there in total shock. Dwayne grabbed her hand and tried to pull her down to the floor, but she wouldn’t budge. 

“Katie!” he whispered, “Katie listen to me! Get on the floor now! Now!” 

He jerked her arm. She snapped back into reality, her shoulder throbbing (when her arm was jerked it got popped out of place), and began to slowly crouch down to floor. 

One of the guys saw her, and being a very amateur robber, much like his two buddies, shot. The sound cracked through the small store, and within maybe a second, Katie fell to the ground. On the right of her forehead was a small hole where the bullet entered, but on the back, a gaping hole appeared. Skull fragments and pieces of brain entangeled the hair left on her head, and the floor to which she fell. 

Dwayne’s ears were ringing violently from the gunshot in such a small building, but he didn’t hear it. He looked down at his wife, his beautiful wife, and screamed. 

“Nooooo! Katie!” 

He dropped to the ground and lifted her top half into his arms and rested her on his lap. The tears began to pour in waterfalls of anger and disbelief, and he kissed her cheek. He looked up at the young, startled robber and pointed. Slowly, he let Katie’s limp body roll out of this lap and back down onto the blood stained white tiles. 

“You. You did this! You killed my Katie you son of a bitch!” 

He stood up and started walking towards the robbers, specifically the one who pulled the trigger, and pulled a knife from his back pocket. The young robber, still starteled from shooting the young girl for no apparent reason, was now even more frozen than ever. 

One of the robbers saw the young man coming after his friend, and pulled his gun. Another crack shot through the isles and off the walls, as Dwayne fell to his knees, blood pouring from his chest. His last breathe fell upon the air, and he finished falling to the floor. 

The cops arrived not too long after that, and the three criminals were arrested. The bodies of Dwayne and Katie Kerns were never found.

“How is all this remotely possible?” Lewy asked John as they walked down the hallway to their offices. 

“What if the Doc has finally went senile?” 

John looked at her with disbelief and replied, “Look, somehow, all this information is true, and our murderer played this out in someway. I know it all seems impossible, but there’s a reasonable explanation to all of this. Trust me, there always is.” 

As if on cue, one of the “squints” (aka psychologist), walked up to Lewy with a box. On top of it was a sticky note reading

To Detective Lewy Hanaken

“This was right inside the front door” the squint said, handing it to her, then walking away.

“Thanks!” she yelled after him, and he replied with a wave. 

“What’s that?” John asked. 

She studied the outside of the box, and the note. 

“I don’t know. I don’t recognize the handwriting. I’ll get back to you.” 

She turned and went into her office. She sat the box on her desk, grabbed the box cutter, and sliced the tape open. 

That smell, she knew that smell, and whatever was in this box was decaying, giving off a foul aroma to her office. 

She opened it slowly, and inside, were the missing parts of their Jane Doe. Inside the box was her lost organs, her breasts, and her jaw. 

Lewy crinkled her nose and covered her mouth with the back of her right hand, trying not gag from the smell. And then, a note. She unrolled it, and read a very disturbing introduction of the murderer, one that still haunts her.

Dear Detective Lewy,

Hello, we figured you might want these, or maybe, you want more. We’ve heard all the questions you’ve been asking about us. How is all this possible? Well sweetie, it’s simple. A person’s mind can be controlled and altered to do and withstand anything you want them to when you’re in our position. We had fun with her, she screamed, but she listened to the voices. Such a good girl. You’d best watch out, wouldn’t want the voices catching you. But then again, you’ll have no choice but to obey when they do, cause you can’t escape the voices.

-Dwayne & Katie Kerns

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Rosendorn
Review
Rosendorn wrote a review Review · Dec 26, 2016

Hello. Thought I would drop by for a review!

So, first things first, your paragraph formatting! In dialogue, you should make a new paragraph every time somebody else speaks. And every time you change ideas, you should have a new paragraph. So your opening paragraph should look a little more like this:

“Baby cakes!” The young woman hollered from the laundry room in a small, one bedroom house. “Baby cakes come here a second!” she hollered again.

A young man by the name of Dwayne Kerns, stood in the kitchen in complete silence, watching a baseball game on a little 10” box TV. He was tall, about 6’5”, with muscle rolling like waves upon his arms, legs, and torso. Dirty blonde hair hung to his shoulders, and dark brown eyes rested themselves upon a tanned canvas that was slowly growing a small goatee.

She hollered a third time, “Baby cakes!”, this time with a little more irritation in her voice. Finally, he snapped back into reality, no longer on the diamond, watching Roger Clemens strike out one after another and after another.

“I’m coming Girly!” he hollered back at her.


This makes the story a lot more readable; long paragraphs get really hard to follow. I'd suggest following through on this for the rest of the work.

I'd also look at the kind of information you're giving us at the beginning. Right now there's everything all at once, which sounds like a really good idea but can really slow a work down. That isn't to say your description is bad— you've really done a good job characterizing people, especially with lines like this:

She smiled a sleepy grin, the kind of look he could read instantly as a “fuck you” kind of look, but he still couldn’t help but think that she looked adorable wearing it.


But even really good lines like this get to be a lot when that's all the first part of this story is.

Try spreading it out with some action and giving more interesting things right at the start. The look is interesting, if it was earlier. Voice like that can carry a work until something juicy happens, but a hundred or two hundred words on what people look like gets slow. I'd suggest these articles for some tips.

All in all, some really good ideas in here that need a little bit of polish— my first story was much the same (including monster paragraphs; your description's better than mine was). Try adding in more paragraphs and action to see where the story takes you from there!

Let me know if you have questions or comments.

~Rosey

How is it now?

User avatar
Terian805
Review
Terian805 wrote a review Review · Dec 26, 2016

Hi there, Terian here to get this work on the way out of the Green Room. As I took a look at this chapter, I was slightly dubious when starting to read, since I'm not the greatest horror fan! Damn though, this has got me hooked!

There really isn't much that I can criticise about your storytelling. I loved the parallel stories throughout, between Lewy, and Kate and Dwayne. It was a fantastic way to ramp up the tension, and I really was gaining a gradual sense of dread as I read. And that ending man! I'll admit that I didn't see that coming! You obviously know very well how to jump between perspectives and build the story up to a climax.

Your description was also pretty good.

"She was a pretty girl, mentally and physically. Her base was held together beautifully by a pair of thick thighs, a tight but nicely sized ass on the back, and on the front,"

I liked your attention to detail if ya know what i mean! But seriously though, you used some good writing techniques throughout your story, which I know as zooming in and out. I'll bring up another example.

"the paint was broken up into an unattractive dapple as the rust began to break through. The stick was a little sticky, and it took a lot effort to get it into gear, but once you got rolling, the only problem was the annoying thud that the front tires made with every right turn."

This was great. In other situations, description such as this might not work, but it seemed natural and fluid, and not forced. Small little descriptions like this, establish well, where the action is taking place. It's like your a film director. Panning in and out from a picture.

The main problem though, was your form. When I say this, I mostly mean paragraphing, like changing lines, when you change subject or when a new person speaks. Big, chunky paragraphs can be daunting to look at, and cause the reader to drift off, and not become so involved in what's going on. And there is a lot to be involved in within this story, it's just not as adsorbing as it could be, because of the "shape" of your writing. Maybe think about using structural techniques, like fragmenting sentences, or using short sentences to build tension. Because as much tension as you already have, there can never be enough tension!

Hope this review was helpful! I'm looking forward to seeing more of this story. Keep writing!

Thank you so much! So split it up into more paragraphs is what you're saying?

Yep pretty much.

This is probably gonna sound terrible and super cheesy, but when I saw that you were from England, I went back and reread this entire review just so I could read it in an english accent. Haha! I'm weird, I know. Thank you for the review!

Haha OK I'm sure you were pretty accurate!

I got chapter 2 posted by the way.



GET ON IT PEEPS
— Nate