Young Writers Society

Hey! Tiana here for a review.

First stanza: lovely imagery. "The sunrise kisses the shimmering white". This really shows us what the sunrise looks like; just a tad of the sunrise poking through the white snow. Ah, beautiful.

2nd stanza: Now here is got a bit messy. The 2nd line needs revising.

3rd stanza: This stanza flowed really well. The flow and rhythm to poems are important, and given the right aesthetics (which you have given us) really separates a good poem from a great poem.

4th stanza: I feel that "therein" was a bit of a forced rhyme.

5th stanza: Beautiful ending! It's simple, yet so powerful, and flows perfectly.

All in all, I love your rhyming, I like the length of each line (I'm pedantic about lines that are too long or too short but yours are perfect). And I also like how there are 4 lines per stanza throughout.

A suggestion: use more descriptive words. Instead of telling us, for example, that icicles hang from the roofs, show us that icicles are hanging from the roofs. You do it in soem places here, but not all. It would be good if you could work on making this a more common appearance in your poetry.

I loved reading this. Well done - Tiana

Haiii!

Whoa! By the time I finished reading the first stanza, I could tell that it was going to be amazing! I rarely see poetry that has a perfect rhyme without messing up the meaning of the poem or butchering the rhythm. This poem had perfect rhythm and rhyme. A truly wonderful piece of art.

In the last line of the last stanza (Cause there’s angels in the snow), there was a tiny 'crunch'. There's is there is shortened. Is can be used in a line like: Cause there is an angel in the snow. Are is used when plurals are involved.

Yap! Tat's it! Merry Christmas and keep writing! I am going to give you a follow.

Greetings from Squirtlepowiee

First of all, welcome to YWS! i hope you enjoy your time here, i know i sure have so far! If you need any help or advice on anything, feel free to contact me!
Now, onto the review. You seem to have a very clear idea of what you want to say, a picture you want to depict. That's great! And you have a very good start. However, i do have some advice on what you can do to make this poem even better, so that you can better convey that image you have in your head.
First, you have to work on your flow. The syllable count varies from line to line in a way that makes it a little awkward for the audience to read in a pattern. By adding or subtracting words from lines, this can easily be fixed. For example, the flow of the second set four lines could be fixed by changing the first two to "No kids have yet been out to play/ And make designs in blankets of pearl". You could apply this throughout the poem to help the flow. If you need a little more help with that, just ask, and i can tell you more in detail.
Another thing that i think might help would be to divide this poem into stanzas. The poem is divided into sets of four lines, so you could easily insert an extra space every four lines. However, the formatting can be a little wonkers on this website, so if you need help on how to figure it out, i can help you with that, too, just ask.
Finally, and this is a much smaller thing, your rhyme scheme changes throughout the poem. You start of with an ABAB pattern, but then switch to an ABCB pattern. This isn't too essential to the structure of the poem, but the sudden switch of patterns through me off a little bit. i advise standardizing the pattern, so just pick one or the other, whichever one you feel best suits your needs.
Anyways, sorry if that seemed a little harsh. You have a very good base here, you just need to work a little bit more on the conventions. Again, i'm here if you want anymore advice or assistance!
Good luck!
herbgirl