"Dear" God.

“Dear” God.

I used to be part of it.

Seven years, kindergarten to fifth grade.

Standing in the school church, listening to the preachers preach about white doves and miracles,

half-heartedly copying the weird dance moves that came with the praises we’d sing to the Lord above,

giving thanks for the food we were given and the Earth that he’d made.

Reciting memory verses, reading the Bible,

Everyone else around me doing the same, following blindly, unthinkingly, unquestioningly.

I don’t think I ever really believed.

Moved school when I was eleven, someone asked me what I believed in,

Thought about it for seven seconds and had a feeling that no,

There is no God.

-

Because it made no sense. None of what I’d read, from beginning to end, beyond the tiniest dividend.

The Bible, to me, had no rhyme or reason.

Flood the earth and kill everything because of sin you allow?

Set bears on some boys because they made fun of men you made blind?

No good God would do that, no almighty being would be incapable of keeping his own children safe.

And while I’m not convinced at all that the world came to be from a singularity, that everything came from nothing,

Earth sure as hell wasn’t made in seven days.

-

I could pull out so many pieces of evidence and

Shoot so many holes in the creationist theory:

People can’t split seas. A man walking on water, I’d like to see.

Fossils? The Grand Canyon? That five-thousand year old tree?

It’s already been done before so many times.

All it takes is one fast Google search

And one shred of rationality

To knock the creationist theory off its perch.

And it has been, with the advent of technology. People are starting to wake up to reality.

More and more of the world’s turning to science, but sadly

We still have Scientology.

-

I’m not hating on Christians and Catholics and everyone in between;

I know what it feels like, I understand why a person would want a God so badly.

See, technology allows us to see events from all around the world,

And there’s nothing the media loves more than focusing on negativity.

War, famine, flooding, drought, plague.

Sadness, sickness, suicide and Suicide Squad.

And what about the things happening closer to home?

Car accidents, cancer, corruption, Connor. (Sunny Day is a Pokémon move. Suck it.)

You see these things and you kneel by your bed at night

Put your hands together, and you pray.

For a moment you feel like you can see him standing there, to your right.

And you tell him all your problems and hopes and dreams and say

Amen.

-

God is a father for those without fathers, a protector for those without protectors, the guiding hand for those wandering in the dark.

And I think that’s okay.

That’s alright.

The idea of God has lead people to greatness, to might, and there are many Christians passed away who’ve left their mark on human history. I’d never want to take that away from anyone.

-

But that’s all he is, an idea.

I don’t believe in God. Not necessarily because I believe in the Big Bang

(because I don’t think you can get something from nothing)

But because the alternative doesn’t make a single difference.

-

Let’s pretend that he’s there. Ignore the evidence at hand,

Pretend there really is a God somewhere up in the sky, and

While he didn’t make Earth in seven days six thousand years ago, he did make it, from mountain glacier to beach sand.

And he made each and every one of us, and there’s a plan

For me, for you, for the tiniest ant.

You can believe that God is good if you want, eat your crackers and sing your hymns.

Say your prayers and say your amens.

The truth is, if God’s out there,

He doesn’t give a shit.

Not for me, or you, or that little ant.

He made us, played around for a little while, then left. That’s it.

-

Because when you look at the Bible, you see that it doesn’t make sense.

3,000 Israelites were killed for inventing a new god.

The Israelites complain that God is killing too many of them. 14,000 more die.

42 boys were mauled to death by bears for poking fun at a bald man.

Advocating slavery, condemning homosexuality,

And he flooded the world because of “sin”.

But, most importantly,

Why the hell aren’t we allowed to eat pork?

-

What about Zeus? Jupiter? Odin? Horus? Allah? Buddha?

What about those that do not believe in a god at all?

Are you going to kill all of us?

No, because you would’ve done it already.

But you exist, right?

Why haven’t you killed us all, then?

-

“God is kind! God is merciful!”

Yes, because killing 42 children for making fun of a bald guy is merciful.

What about half of the words we speak today, God?

What about the ones right here?

What about those people that have bulled and manipulated and hurt others so bad,

Made so broken that they cut themselves and hurt themselves and want to give up all they have?

Was this all a part of your plan?

“Step 1. Create universe. Step 2. Get Carolyn bullied to the point where she wants to die. Hmm, seems good.”

-

You know what some of these people want to see on the other side?

They want to see you.

You, holy father, protector of the weak, guiding hand to the lost.

They’re your loyal sheep, your people, and they come to you because they believe they’ll meet you.

But you’re never there, are you? Not when they need you the most.

-

You’ve flooded the world before because of sin.

Today we’ve gone through two world wars,

we have had rape and genocide and serial killings and more.

Seven million Jews were put to death for simply existing. My word, the gall!

You know what one of those Jews wrote on his dark cell wall?

“If there is a God, he will have to beg my forgiveness.”

Did you see that happening, God? You’re omniscient, right? Where were you in all of this?

-

God is the maker of the universe, the Lord almighty

The all-powerful, the creator, and yet with all his might, he

Couldn’t do anything.

Couldn’t stop rape and murder and slave trade. No, he advocates those things.

Couldn’t stop the Holocaust or the Rwandan Genocide. No, those people didn’t matter.

Couldn’t stop every single mass slaughter of his children on earth, couldn’t stop disease and infection from stealing the lives of countless innocent people, or starvation and poverty, or powerlessness and despair.

-

Because it was Satan, right? Yes, it was Satan’s fault!

Because whenever you find your lost pen or snag that last cookie it was God’s doing, and praise be to him!

But when Mother dies of cancer and Father hangs himself from a tree it was because Satan intervened,

Satan the evil, Satan the corruptor, Satan the biggest excuse in human history.

Made so conveniently, so easily. Here: Create a vague evil mystery

That strays from God’s holy way, and then make him responsible for all of the bad in the world.

Now, God can never be blamed for anything.

He can be the pure, holy figure he was meant to be.

He can be perfect.

Fuck you.

God made Satan.

-

Do you hear me, you omniscient bastard? You terrible tyrant, you stupid fake?

You’ve seen all of these things happen and you let them go.

I sit here in my chair and I spit on you and all you pretend to be.

At the same time I stand and speak for all the sufferers in this world who believe in you,

Who paint your earth in a wet-eyed downpour.

I challenge you, here and now, smite me from my seat.

If making fun of a bald man was enough to incite your wrath

Surely this must earn me a lightning bolt up my ass.

Stop me from typing out these treacherous words

Show me the errors of my blasphemous ways.

Do something, anything.

Prove that you’re still here.

Because I am.

-

I don’t hate people. That’s wrong to me.

I can hate ideas and things that’ve happened,

And I can hate God.

Because if he exists, then he is the world’s biggest lie, protected by the world’s biggest excuse.

The absentee father, the powerless protector, the guiding hand that leads to despair and ruin.

He flooded the world because he wasn’t strong enough to deal with his children’s sin.

He is jealous, petty, arrogant, ignorant fool.

God has no humanity because he isn’t human.

I don’t believe in him,

He isn’t here,

And he doesn’t care.

-

I wish he did care. I wish he was here right now,

Not so he could come and fix all of our problems with a flick of his hand

Because he can’t.

But so that he can see the tears in our faces,

Look at the killers and the rapists

That he made,

And tell me, face-to-face, in this room dark and dim,

That the world is better off without him.