Young Writers Society

Hullo. Pompadour here for a quick review.

This is page 189 of your novel? If so, it explains why I am having difficulty in understanding who a lot of the characters are, and what the novel is about. The first two lines read like stage and setting directions in a script, so I assume they are not part of the actual novel but exist for the reader's convenience? If so, I'd advise separating them from the actual text, in order to avoid confusion (at least while this is published here).

Because you've chosen a particular passage from your novel, I'm going to assume you're looking for criticism especially for this part, and because it's important in some way? Seeing as I don't really know what's going on here, though, that makes things a little difficult! So I'll be critiquing this as I would a short story, but I do have a question, before I proceed: why this particular passage? It's definitely an exciting, fast-paced 700 words, and this person, Josephine, has obviously done something to make the emperor very cross. Even so, this does not appear to be the climax or the 'high point' of the novel, and nothing particularly important happens other than Josephine's escape. I'd honestly be more interested in the scene that follows this, that of what happens after she has successfully climbed through the window. I'm also interested in the fact that she has a sabre...? which makes me think this is likely to also be an action/adventure novel, and it's lovely to have historical fiction and action in one cooking pot.

That said, there's a lot you could work on. I don't know how far you've fleshed Josephine out, as a character, but in this particular excerpt, I saw very little internal monologue and general character-related description, aside from the plainest of actions that illustrate where the plot is headed. When I say 'character-related description', I do not mean physical description--I mean the kind of description that is warranted through a character interacting with their surroundings. This allows for a great deal of sensory description to be utilised as well, seeing as we explore the surroundings with the character. It makes things a lot more vivid as well. It also means a lot of emotive description is added, characters' reactions to their circumstances, etc. For example, when Josephine looked out of the window and saw that it was a long fall to the ground, how did she feel? Did she have the time to worry? Was she even slightly scared? Did she contemplate taking any other course of action? I'd really love to get into her head; it'd help make a tense situation all the more exciting. As it is, the sparseness of the prose didn't really engage me. Maybe this is just me, but I think it needs more 'oomph'.

You also appear to have a case of talking heads at several points in this piece. Work on that. Talking heads sap a lot of potential for characterisation and also create confusion. Nearing the end of the piece, I initially thought it was Josephine doing the talking, until I realised that it was probably the gendarmes. Some clarification wouldn't go unwanted here.

You also switch tenses in a couple of places, but that's nothing that a quick sweep through the piece won't fix.

In general, there's very little information to go on here, plot-wise. I'd be interested in seeing chapter one! I do have one more critique, which is more history-related, and that is the description of Paris as having wide, cobblestoned streets and being much more ... aesthetically pleasing than Pontoise. Until Haussman took over in the 1850s (and Paris was almost completely rebuilt, with the crumbling buildings being replaced by Napolean III's 'umbrellas of iron' and whatnot) it was not really a 'beauty'. Even afterwards, there was loads of criticism, because people said that Haussman had destroyed Paris's 'rural charm'. Conditions were actually dreadful, and didn't improve by much after the French Revolution. Napoleon I made some improvements, but in the 1790s (the period the novel is set in), the streets were mostly narrow and winding, and there were no pavements/sidewalks.

Sorry for being a pedant about this, but take a look at this.

On a similar note, stuffed toys were a thing back then, but 'plush' is a more-American sounding word that just doesn't fit the atmosphere. Thought I'd point that out.

Keep writing! Hope this helped.

~Pomp

Yes.

The opening staging is reminiscent of a play, with the setting given as it is. I quite like the feel, for something outside of your main story.
Despite the fact that this is a flashback, the present tense works - it feels in the moment, a flashback from afar.
This piece has a good sense of pacing. I like the distance it has from the events. It doesn't feel like a memory, but it works.
The fragment sentences work in the action scenes - the muted tension they lend simply works.
It does bother me that we don't know why Monseiur would lend his house to a stranger - there is an implication that he's just kind and perhaps the protagonist - Josephine? - looks like his daughter. If this isn't covered later, maybe it doesn't need to be, but it feels as if Monsieur Brisset is a relevant character in the 'modern' day, so that may need to be brought up in passing at some point.
The protagonist is referred to without a name for a while, and then suddenly, she gets one! If this is because her identity is revealed, the narrative use of the name should start at the next point where the narrative calls her 'the woman'. Alternatively, never.
If the rest of your novel is written as well as this, you're in good shape!