This is Kaos here for a review!
The first thing that I mentioned was the kind of excessive use of cutting off words and I didn't really like this. Only sometimes does it add onto the dialogue and here wasn't one of those times so I suggest you take some of it out. Something that I did want to mention is that this excerpt is mostly dialogue so that's mostly what I'll be focusing on.
That being said, your characters are talking heads in that there isn't really any body language. Body language is something that's important because it's also a large part of communication, but when people think of communication, they only think verbal. I do have to say that I liked how laid-back the dialogue felt in some parts of the story but other parts of it didn't really work or mesh well with me.
There wasn't really any description of the imagery or surroundings which was disappointing because there's nothing really to go off of. Your paragraphs are quite short and I think some of that space can be filled with sensory details, how does the scene look, sound, smell, /taste/? You can do all of that and make the scene become more vivid than it was before. Create the atmosphere and the tone of the story with this.
Another thing to fill the space with is the main character's thoughts which are something that we see a bit. I'm not saying that you have to do all of this but I think some addition would be nice rather than just dialogue in this part.
I hope I helped and have a great day!
Points: 220
Reviews: 1081
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