*Author's note: In which Callie has an interesting conversation with, a god (I left it for interpretation so hopefully this isn't offensive)... This comes after the prologue, so be sure to read that first. Sorry I was going to post this yesterday, but it was Dad's birthday, so it was kind of hectic.*
“Hello Calliope.”
“Who’s there?”
“Did you know the Calliope is a type of hummingbird? They are fiercely loyal and protective, you know.” Noted. He seems to be avoiding personal questions.
“So?” My head hurt, and when I tried to stand up, my feet buckled under me. I righted myself, but had no weight resting on my legs. Weird. I seem to be… floating?
“So I’m granting your wish. The one you made as you were dying? I’m told it is one I should grant, since you died for others. Impressive, by the way. Not many would jump in front of a truck for their siblings.”
“My… wish? Wait you’re sending me back?” Yes! I could protect the twins again!
“Not quite. You see… you’re dead. I’m not reversing that. That would be too much trouble. But, in another universe, you are still alive.”
“Wait. So you’re sending me somewhere else? Why?”
A deep chuckle. My breath is bated. “Well you see, Calliope-”
“Callie. No one calls me that.”
He smiles. Now I can make out the shape of a man, though the edges of his figure are blurred, almost like they weren’t there. His features were ever-changing, blinding to look at. “Of course, but you’ll understand the irony of this new universe you are being sent to. Just… don’t die. I can’t grant you any more special wishes after this.”
“Okay. But- how will I know who my sisters are? Won’t they look different? Where am I going? What’s it like?” My voice is fading. So is my vision. I start to panic- I’m not ready for a different universe! I was hardly prepared for the one I grew up in!
“Yes. But their souls will still call to yours, as siblings’ souls do. And you’ll do fine, Calliope. As long as you don’t die.”
Why does he think I’m going to die?!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I don't like this as much as I liked the prologue I am sorry.
I felt like this needed more details and the prologue had more details. I don't understand is she dead or not?
What does he mean about sibling souls? Can she contact them or something?
Callie:
Ok so I don't understand is she dead or is she not? Where the heck is she? Who was she talking to? I NEED MORE DETAILS!!!!!
Strange wish granter who I don't know:
Ok what is his deal? Is he a god or something? I just want more detail is what I have to say.
Over all:
It was great but I want more cant wait to read more!
Hello! ^^ It's writerkitty here with another review for you!
Your idea is quite original and I'm really intrigued to know what's going to happen to her.
There's something I really like about the way you write, it's not too lengthy, but the lines aren't choppy either. It's easy to grasp what you're saying and you write just the right amount of description in each scene as well. ^^ Good job on that!
Okay, I knew she'd be whisked off to some in-between world after getting hit by the truck, but I initially thought she'd be able to go back to the living realm or that she'd be turned into a ghost, more like a guardian angel sort of being to protect her siblings from harm.
But you have directed the story to a completely new direction, which I really, like!
And the way you've mentioned god is quite interesting. At first, I thought you could've added a bit more detail, but this line perfectly sums it all up.
I'm really excited to see what happens next, so I'll be moving on to the next chapter now, ^^
Keep writing!
writerkitty!
Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad the story is being reciprocated so well. To be honest, though I had high hopes, I thought that only my sister would read this story. Seeing others enjoy it only increases my desire to write better and more chapters! Thank you!
This is a nice piece too read, very straightforward and clear with the plot/underlying message. I don't have many comments in terms of structure/formatting; you did a good job with grammar and spelling so kudos to you!
In terms of the plotline, I'm sure you've got more parts coming along, so I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing.
Callie seems like a very sweet, selfless character and I would love to see more development on her end and read more about how she interacts with God. For an opening scene, this is a very good, straightforward start; maybe some more details about her relationship with God (assuming this will take on a more religious tone) would help with moving things along.
Great writing and I hope to see more from you soon!
Thanks for reviewing! I just wanted to let you know, in case this was in any way offensive, that the story will not get any more religious in the future. I left the man open for interpretation, but I didn't want to make the story line into something religious, so that it will be enjoyable for everyone to read.
**My Thoughts**
Hi! LZ here with a review! I really liked this chapter! It was wonderful and we learn more about the character (in a way).
**Formatting and Grammar**
Like the prologue, I did not notice any formatting mistakes. You could, but this is just optional, add indents. It would make the piece look a bit more formal and neat. But then again, I don't do it myself, so you don't have to do it.
Also, no grammar mistakes this time!
**Punctuation and Capitalization**
I did not catch any mistakes in this category. I notice you did end with "?!". I like it! It makes it seem panicked, scared- exactly what you wanted us to notice.
**Characters**
Calliope: I love her! She goes from very happy (that her wish will be granted) to worried very quickly. She seems like someone who doesn't want to try new things (even though I don't blame her).
God (?): So this character. I am unsure of who it is meant to be. I'm pretty sure it's God.
**Plot**
I really loved this plot! As you said in the prologue, it came to you in a dream (I think). I can tell you put a lot of work into putting it into words.
**Quick Review**
Didn't catch any formatting mistakes, besides one suggesting. The characters are very good!
Keep on writing and have a great 2020!
Thank you. It is much appreciated to see that this one did better than the first one. I try to fix my mistakes in my writing permanently, so it is good to see the mistakes weren't the same. Thank you for the compliments too! Though this might be late in saying, enjoy your 2020 too, and make the most out of it!
Nice
Really selfless I love that