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Intangible Part 7-Another One?!

by Josie24

Author's Note: Hey y'all. I've had a great week, trying and failing to ask my crush if he wanted to hang out on Valentine's Day. Joy. So I spent today doing homework I've been putting off. Also joy. Anyway, I made a thing called Chicken Soup? so go see it if you like the cliches this thing is riddle with! Also, some information on who alternate universe Tabby was before Calliope.

As the blade came slicing towards Tabby’s throat, she had a mini-panic attack. I’ve never been in a single fight before coming here! Now I’ve been in two, and now a third? Calm down, that’s just life for ya. I hope.

Tabby reacted without a second thought; her body-well, not really. Spirit?-flickering out of existence, just in time. Tabby’s scrunched shut as she prepared for a deadly injury, only to feel a cold tingle move across her neck. What the hay?

Tabby’s eyes fly open, just in time to see the attacker lose his balance. Tabby didn’t stop to think, she acted. Her left hand swung up with the knife, while her right went up defensively to cover her neck. It felt solid. Why didn’t the knife touch me? That should’ve at least hurt!

Tabby, distracted by her thoughts, failed to notice the fact that the guy in question had parried her blow and and landed one of his own. The swiftness of the action left Tabby with little time to jerk her head back, but this left her with an understanding of her opponent.

Tabby swiped at her cheek, blood rubbing off onto the back of her hand. She laughed at the audacity of the guy in front of her. She might not have ever been in a fight before in her world, but how hard could it be for her to win in this one? Seems to me, the not being able to touch me thing only works when I’m focused. That should be easy.

“Seriously? You went for the face? I watch a lot of movies, so even I know that a gut shot to a distracted person would have guaranteed an injury. You barely grazed me. Ya know, my friend, Katrina, always said, ‘if you play with your food before you eat it, you give it time to plan its revenge’. Kitkat was a weirdo, but I see her point.”

He smirked. “I like to play. And you underestimate me. I still can catch you off guard.” His hand, the one not holding the knife, the one Tabby wasn’t watching, came up to smash into her stomach. She doubled over, sticking a finger up- wait a sec. He chuckled at her reaction.

Nodding to his goons, they strode forward, each one grabbing one of her arms. Straightening up, Tabby bared her teeth in a parody of a smile. “You really think you can handle all this?”

“You’re the one backed in a corner here.” He brushed non-existent lint off the shoulder of his failing to ever be cool leather jacket. Tabby just rolled her eyes and scoffed at this.

“Oh, am I? I hadn’t noticed.”

With that, Tabby focused on the hands gripping her arms, and just like that, they weren’t there any more. Her arms became intangible, the hands unable to grip the transparent limbs. She rolled her shoulders and grinned, stepping forward. “Not too shabby, am I right?”

He growled. Again. What is with that? Does he have a problem with words or something? 

“Seriously? Again with that weird thing. What are you?”

Tabby cocked an eyebrow, then tilted her head. “You really think I know? As far as I can tell, I’m a ghost- or maybe a spirit?”

He paused, mouth opening and closing like a fish. Then he threw his head back and laughed. “You think I’m a fool?”

“...Maybe. I’m not the one who got distracted by simple chit-chat. You let me walk right up to you. And I’m the only one still holding their knife.” Tabby now had a knife in each hand, twirling them around her fingers like she’d seen him do before.

She crouched down low, just like before. Only this time, she didn’t look like the harmless kid they thought she would be; she looked like the assassin princess they had been warned she was.

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75 Reviews

Points: 5729
Reviews: 75

Sun Apr 26, 2020 3:20 am
IconspicuoslyAlpacaing wrote a review...

Aw heck yeah! Tabby's going for it now! This chapter was really great, and I love the use of dialogue in your stories. You seem to really have a knack for making it seem really natural and easy, even during a fight scene, the jokes and offhand comments never felt out of place. You kept the tone just light enough that it worked, and I respect that. While you had a couple issues with grammar, I barely noticed because the personality was so strong that I could feel how the words were meant to be emphasized. (That doesn't excuse bad grammar, unfortunately, but it's a small wrong in an ocean of rights!)

Side note: I'm not sure how familiar you are with the RoosterTeeth series 'Camp Camp', but every time I read Tabby's name, all I can think is "I'm Tabii with two i's." If you are unfamiliar, this catchphrase is hilarious because she loses an eye in season two.

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188 Reviews

Points: 6116
Reviews: 188

Sun Apr 26, 2020 1:07 am
LadyBug wrote a review...

Hello ^^ I'm Jade and today I'll be reviewing your work! Let's start.

My first suggestion, is that the first paragraph be in bold. It's really just a personal preference but I feel it would make your story more neat!

Spoiler! :
The code for that is [b*]Text here[/b] :) but I'm sure you already know that. This was just in case.

I've never read any other parts of this, but these are my overall thoughts.

The flow is a bit poor, seeing as some of it is a rain of thought. Maybe work on adding more commas and
better word choice.

I like Tabby, she's cute, smart and relateable and you've done a good job on her. I can't say much for character development, but I find her charming!

My last point is some of your paragraphs feel like they drag on.

Tabby, distracted by her thoughts, failed to notice the fact that the guy in question had parried her blow and and landed one of his own. The swiftness of the action left Tabby with little time to jerk her head back, but this left her with an understanding of her opponent.

As this is a fight, I feel it is too slow-paced. I would make the two sentences paragraphs on their own, helping to build the momentum.

Overall, I loved this. It's well written and enticing! Good job and I hope to see more from you!

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18 Reviews

Points: 805
Reviews: 18

Sun Feb 23, 2020 1:51 am
2Stareyes wrote a review...

My thoughts on the last 3 or 4 chapters:

Ok I like her a lot! She seems so smart! So proud of her! I wish I knew more about Lilith and Tabby's relationship.

THAT JERK!!!!! I want to say more but I cant. I want to kill her and I hope Tabby will do it for me!

Little girl:
And they dont suspect anything? Ok even I would guys she was evil and saying something about the poison should have tipped them off!

Who the heck is he?

The human heart has hidden treasures, in secret kept, in silence sealed...
— Charlotte Bronte