The Saga of Uthdore 1.7: Ordyn Part 1

by JohnLocke1

Published December 31, 2013

E - Everyone

In The Saga of Uthdore

Ordyn

“I thought I might find you sulking about around here.” Darech said, stepping into the view of the King of Uthdore.

Ordyn Acktur attempted a smile, but could not muster the energy to lie to his Court Mage and closest friend. Darech’s long, black hair covered his eyes as he bowed to the King as he often did, with a dramatic flourish of his Mage’s cloak. Ordyn held up a hand in protest. Darech, seeing the King’s sadness, sat next to his friend and gazed upon the Garden of Vorad. The second Queen of Uthdore employed the magic of hundreds of Mages who practiced the magic of life to create the most beautiful garden in the land. Their magic created flowers that could only be found within the Golden Palace of the King. There were plants that seemed to turn different colors each day. There were trees that produced the most succulent fruit imaginable. Most Kings found refuge from the toils of court within the confines of the garden, but only the King and his closest companions had ever even seen the magnificent sight.

“Are you hiding, Ordyn?” Darech asked. “Is the great Ordyn Acktur afraid of his own relatives?”

Darech’s words, that had put a grand smile on the King’s face countless times before, only caused him more despair.

“I am afraid, Darech,” Ordyn said. “All these people here claiming to be my family have no love for me. One of them tried to kill me.”

“She was a banshee, sire. Of course she tried to kill you. But you are still alive, aren’t you?” Darech said.

“Only because you burnt her on the spot.” The memory of the attack caused Ordyn to wince slightly.

“It is my charge, sire. To protect you.” Darech’s voice grew grave as he spoke of his greatest task.

Ordyn smiled weakly at the Mage, but it did not last.

“My father did not prepare me for this. I am not meant to be King.” Ordyn said.

“If you talk like that, you definitely don’t deserve to be.” Darech said.

Ordyn, his dignity threatened, quickly stood and faced Darech with his head held high.

“I could have you killed for such speech.” Ordyn said.

Darech laughed and raised himself to be level with the King. Darech’s carefree expression only exacerbated Ordyn’s anger.

“That is how a King should speak, your majesty. Do not sit in this garden and wallow while your kingdom falls to ruin. You have a job. Attend to it.” Darech said.

Ordyn stared into his Mage’s eyes and his anger seemed to flow away. He breathed a heavy and sorrowful sigh that allowed some of his troubles to fall away, as if the breath had cleansed him of worry. Darech grabbed hold of the King’s shoulders and demanded his attention.

“Be a King, Ordyn. Be the King that I have pledged my magic and my life to. Be the King that will lead Uthdore into a new age of prosperity. Be the King that will change everything.” Darech said.

“Thank you, Darech. Don’t ever let me sulk in here again.” Ordyn said, a true smiling reaching his face at last.

“Yes, your majesty.” Darech said.

Ordyn embraced his friend, as they had done after many victories and triumphs.

“Your majesty.” A dry, emotionless voice bellowed.

Darech stepped back from his King and allowed Ordyn to turn and face Burser Ormdahon. The bulky Knight bowed to the King, sneered at Darech and spoke with an air of respect and slight annoyance.

“Your majesty, if you might allow us to speak. Without the Mage.” Burser said.

“Of course, Burser. Darech, if you would excuse us.” Ordyn said.

Darech bowed to his King and left the two men to their business. As Darech left, Burser never allowed his eyes to move from the Mage. His hatred was obvious. So was Darech’s.

“What troubles you enough to address me in the Garden? This is not a place for business, Burser.” Ordyn asked.

“I have nothing to say, your majesty. I simply wanted the Mage away from your presence.” Burser said.

“Burser, I have told you my feelings about your hatred towards Darech. They are unfounded and complete nonsense. I have known Darech all of my life and there is no reason to be suspicious of him. He is a loyal servant to the crown and Uthdore.” Ordyn said.

“He is too close with you, your majesty. You would not be able to see the evil in his eyes.” Burser said.

“What evil? Darech has only ever been a kind soul.” Ordyn said.

“I have my doubts, sire.” Burser said.

“Tell me these doubts, Knight,” Ordyn said, his voice becoming sharp. “Tell me why my Court Mage is evil.”

“I only have suspicions, my liege. His power, for example.” Burser said.

Ordyn found this unsurprising. Knights as a people had always been either curious or fearful of the Mages’ powers. Burser was fearful.

“What power do you mean?” Ordyn asked.

“I have been researching the Mages to try and find why Darech confuses me. I learned that Mages devote themselves to one form of magic and cannot perform any other kind unless they are truly powerful. The only Mage who has ever contained two different kinds of magic was the elf-man Rangorn. He mastered both life and death. Darech, on the other hand, has control over all forms of magic.” Burser said.

“He is powerful,” Ordyn said. “That is why he was given to me by Torbel.”

“That is true. But I have discovered that, with his powers, he has gained a complete mastery of the Songs.” Burser said.

“The Songs?” Ordyn asked.

“For a Mage to summon any sort of creature from the other world, he must sing a Song to bring it into our plane.” Burser said.

“Then why would it be out of the ordinary for Darech to know these songs?” Ordyn said.

“It is not your majesty. However, through my readings, I discovered that Banshees do not live in our world.” Burser said.

Ordyn’s mind flashed him an image of the horrible creature that had attacked him not long ago. Her skin was gray and rotting, her face contorted. Her features caused Ordyn immense pain to look at. She smelt of decaying flesh. Her voice had been unbearable to hear. He would have died from the mere sound of her voice had Darech not destroyed the demon.

“And?” Ordyn asked, growing impatient with the Knight.

“The Banshee that attacked you had to have been summoned by a Mage. It had attacked you inside the palace, which meant that it had been summoned within our walls. Otherwise, our protective enchantments would have prevented it from entering.” Burser said.

“Are you suggesting that Darech summoned a Banshee to kill me?” Ordyn asked.

“I am suggesting that you consider the possibility that Darech is not who you believe him to be.” Burser said.

“Do you sit in your quarters, Burser, and try to find ways to have Darech arrested?” Ordyn asked.

“I certainly do not. He is far too powerful for any prison we have. We would have to send him to Alder to be detained for certain.” Burser said.

Ordyn shook his head at the Knight.

“I will not entertain this hated of Darech much longer. Do you have anything else to say to me?” Ordyn asked.

Burser’s eyes glanced away from Ordyn’s gaze, as they often did when the Knight planned to displease the King in some way.

“May I speak of forbidden talk for a moment, your majesty?” Burser asked.

“What forbidden talk?” Ordyn asked.

“The rumors about Mage Darech that you have forbidden those at court to speak of.” Burser said.

“I will allow you to speak of ridiculous things for a moment.” Ordyn said, rage flaring in his being.

“Have you asked the Mage if the rumors are true?” Burser asked.

“Of course not. He would have told me such things.” Ordyn said.

“Are you sure, your majesty? The Mage may not have wanted to alert you to certain matters.” Burser’s voice trailed off, allowing the King’s anger to reach its zenith.

“Get out, Burser. At once.” Ordyn said.

“Forgive me, your majesty. I only wished to ask.” Burser said.

The Knight bowed to his King and left Ordyn alone to think about his own doubts about Darech.

“Why do you allow such a man to lead your armies?” Darech said, appearing beside the King.

“Do you ever actually leave my side, Darech?” Ordyn asked.

“I try to keep you within my sight.” Darech said, a slight smile creeping across his features.

Ordyn sat down, his anger having left with Burser. Darech sat beside the King, as he often did. The King moved away from the Mage ever so slightly, but nothing goes unnoticed by the eyes of a Mage.

“If you wish ask me, your majesty, I will answer your questions.” Darech said.

“How powerful are you?” Ordyn asked.

“Powerful enough to keep you safe from harm.” Darech said.

Ordyn considered asking Darech if he had summoned the Banshee, but then quickly dismissed the idea. He trusted Darech. The King then thought of the rumors. Ordyn turned to face his Mage, but he could not look him in the eyes.

“Are they true? Are the rumors true, Darech?” Ordyn asked.

“What if they were, Ordyn? Would you think any less of me? Would you care at all?” Darech asked.

“I… don’t know.” The words were barely able to leave his lips.

Darech sighed and closed his eyes. Although he was not a Mage, Ordyn was able somehow to feel the power that Darech was using. Darech held his closed hand out to the King and whispered a few words. When he opened his palm, an emerald colored flower had appeared. Darech laid the flower beside the King.

“I have always been loyal to you. Remember that.” Darech said.

Before the King could answer his friend, the Mage had disappeared.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Messenger
Review
Messenger wrote a review Review · Jan 26, 2014

Messenger here for you! Happy Review Day!

“Only because you burnt her on the spot.” The memory of the attack caused Ordyn to wince slightly

There were many lines in this chapter that quite amused me and made me smile. The above is one of them.

Now, oh boy, is this getting complicated. Now is Darech bad or good? Are you making ist so obvious that he is good, that he may actually be bad, or are you counting on people guessing that, and then leaving him good? Questions questions. This chapter was a fun one to read. Burser now seems an interesting character. Darech (I envisioned him as Legolas from Lord of the Rings for some reason) seems really cool in my opinion. and the little touch about the flower at the end was super neat.

Ordyn, he seems like a solid and cool character as well. He is wise and discerning but you can see he is trying to keep an open heart for safety reasons, and yet he wants to trust Darech like he has for ears. I can't wait to see how this all plays out. I will be on to the next chapters now!
Keep it up!

PiesAreSquared wrote a review Review · Jan 26, 2014

No one reviews your work? Oh well, me to your rescue!!

Seriously, how do you write so well and remain unpublished? This is a crime punishable by instant publishing.

On to your work. Let's get this thing polished!


...“I thought I might find you sulking about around here.” Darech said, stepping into the view of the King of Uthdore....

I want to know. How does Darech say what he says? Mock politeness? Sarcasm? Irritation? Give us a hint!


...The second Queen of Uthdore employed the magic of hundreds of Mages who practiced the magic of life to create the most beautiful garden in the land. ...

Once again you are forgetting had has. Possession is important. It shows time has passed, and gives a flow to the story.


...“Be a King, Ordyn. Be the King that I have pledged my magic and my life to. Be the King that will lead Uthdore into a new age of prosperity. Be the King that will change everything.” Darech said....

When you have a lot of dialogue, what you want to do is to mix things up a little. You don't want the character to 'said' 'says' things all the time. Sometimes you want it intoned, voiced, expressed. There are many synonyms, try using several throughout the course of a chapter.

I like the courtly intrigue you have brought in this chapter.

...“It is not your majesty. However, through my readings, I discovered that Banshees do not live in our world.” Burser said....

However it is indeed not your majesty who is powerful. A comma is needed after it is not.

Once again brilliant piece which if you put a little more time to edit will be publishable.


Keep writing!!

User avatar
Milanimo
Review
Milanimo wrote a review Review · Jan 26, 2014

Hi!
I'm sorry it took so long for someone to review your first chapter but here goes!
I really enjoyed this! I liked how the chapter went straight into the drama, instead of building up to it. I also liked how you explained everything, even what happened before the current scene. It keeps the reader informed and makes them feel they know the characters better.
It was nice having a nice description of the characters and I liked how you subtly slipped it in instead of blatantly leaving a paragraph to explain their features, or something like that. Its a great skill to be able to paint a picture of the character's features without a reader noticing. I also liked how the emotion was showed, and not told. I could take a few lessons from you on that!

There was great sentence variety, not having a paragraph be too long or too short. The scene was also depicted well, and was detailed enough to paint a nice picture, but not enough to bore the reader.

I liked how there was a great amount of detail in the characters and the scene, but not enough to become wordy or tiresome to read. There was a definite flow in each word. You also had great word choice, which I admire, and excellent dialogue. What each person said was straight to the point and important to the story. It also sounded like actual dialogue, and was language proper for the time period you are writing about. There was an evident mysterious tone in the narrative, and I enjoyed how it was in 3rd person instead of first. It still centered around one character, but you still have the option to center around others, as well as give the reader information the characters might not have. It gives you a lot of room, and means you can switch the narrative onto another character if you want to make things interesting or different. It can also give the reader a better understanding of the psyche of some if not all of the main characters at one point, making sure they're not in the dark about what is going on in someone's mind.

I couldn't find any major spelling or grammar errors! I thought this chapter was well written and well thought out. I'd love to see where you take this idea. Just remember to stay on track with a plot and try not to confuse the reader too much! Great job and as always keep writing!



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