Harold looked at the creature before him and found it disgusting and sacrilegious. The Mage had been caught performing water magic in the outskirts of the fief. The Mage had accomplices, but they escaped by leaving their comrade to die. Harold found such a pathetic show of loyalty to be revolting. When he condemned the criminals of Crystalford, he did so on his Throne of the Baron. He used it to show ceremonially that he was punishing criminals with the powers vested in him by the King of Uthdore. It was his way of showing respect to the King who had given him power.
“Mage,” Harold said, the word unfamiliar and distasteful to his tongue. “By the laws of Crystalford, all magic and magical items have been banned. Are you aware of these laws?”
“Yes, my lord. But I was simply speaking with the spirits of the river! There is no harm done with this magic.” the Mage said, pleading with the Baron.
The Baron held up his hand for the criminal to be silent.
“Magic is magic,” Harold said. “I am afraid, by the laws of the land, you will be sentenced to life in prison.”
“My entire life! In a prison! This is madness!” the Mage cried.
“Take him away.” Harold said.
Harold’s guards took the screaming Mage away and deep into the prison cells of Castle Drage. Harold would sleep much sounder knowing that one less Mage was terrorizing his fief. He had seen the horror and destruction that Mages could cause first hand. He had seen Mages spew fire from their fingers tips and lifts boulders with only their minds. Harold knew that no man should have that sort of power. He supported wholeheartedly the ban that the first Nottingham, William, had imposed on magic in Crystalford when he had become vassal to the founder and then leader of the kingdom: Uthdore himself. The Mage’s magic also happened to be rooted in the backwards religion that the people of Uthdore followed. They worshiped too many gods. They worshipped the God of Death, Skelar, they worshipped the God of Life, Vorad, they worshipped the God of the Sea, Mertanth, they worshipped the God of War, Cerosust, and so many others. In the Eastern Land, they worshipped only one god.
“Harold,” his brother and advisor, Charles, said from beside his throne. “I’ve heard from your wife in the medical chambers that Etmon Almos came to see you. Is that correct?”
“The Baron came to me asking for assistance in his war with Osfort. He even claimed that Sulryn was planning an attack on the King.” Harold said.
“Was he correct? Is Sulryn planning an attack Goldhaven?” Charles asked, his eyes filling with fear.
Harold looked about his throne room as the eyes of the Nottingham men and women mirrored those of Charles. They feared for their King, as they should.
“I looked into the matter personally. Sulryn has no plan against Goldhaven. Please, calm down.” Harold said.
“This matter is getting out of hand, my lord. The Almos have gone to every powerful family in Uthdore begging for assistance against Sulryn’s army.” Charles said.
“We do not interfere with the affairs of other Barons. If Sulryn wishes to take Faymont, then so be it. He shall have more land. When I took my oath as Baron, I pledged to serve the King. The King has made no move against Sulryn and neither shall I.” Harold said.
“You know that Sulryn finds his majesty unfit to rule.” Charles said.
“I know this. I find it ridiculous, but I know this.” Harold said.
“The radicals in Hollowvale have even begun an attack on Darech. Can you believe it?” Charles said. “I have fought with Darech. Although he is a slimy Mage, he is a warrior. Did you know that?”
“When was this fight?” Harold asked.
“Seven years ago. The Mage was young, but he was still powerful. I was in Dardarard as part of a diplomatic attempt to speak with the Dwarves. His majesty came along to learn from his father the art of speech and negotiation. When we entered the stone city, we were ambushed by a group of Dwarven vigilantes. We fought together that day. I respect that man. He was willing to die for the King. He has the mind of a Mage, but the soul of a true warrior.” Charles said.
“A true warrior? I shall have to speak with Darech. The King trusts that Mage with his life, so he has my respect already. What do the radicals possibly have against this man?” Harold asked.
“I think you know, my lord. Not everything that is acceptable under Nottingham law is acceptable in Uthdore at large.” Charles said.
“These backward fools. I applaud his majesty for his company.” Harold said.
“It is only a rumor, though.” Charles said.
“I hope it is true.” Harold said.
End of chapter
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140,965 Literary Works • 673,797 Reviews
Messenger here to review for ya again! Happy Review Day, Go Team Blue! Oh boy, only two more chapters and I am all caught up with you! BTW, how old are you. Now for the review
Hey, if he's a Mage does prison do any good? and how did he get captured .It seems like the Mage is really weak. Also, watch out for how many times you use the word "Mage" in your chapters. I spy it a lot. Try to think of other words for those magicians.
Also if there is a ban on magic in so many places, why are there still mages all over the place. It seems every person in high office (except Harold of course) has one as an adviser.
Hehehehehehehehehe.
So, I finished this chapter. I shall be getting to the next one tomorrow as soon as I can! This chapter was enjoyable, but I am a little confused. there seem to be three kings. Sulryn, Ordyn, and Burker, or whatever his name in the chapter called "Sulryn." Can you explain where they all are. I think I have lost them in the chaos!
Anyway this was nice and short. It gave more insight to evrything. One thing I am impressed with is the fact that in short or long chapters, you generally hold my attention, and you work through a lot of story, and yet you usually can keep it from getting crazily dense for the brain. And although things have calmed down for a few chapters, I believe a dam is about to burst. I shall continue reading!
Keep it up!
Hello!
Once again let me say that your writing is superb!
I have to say that I enjoyed seeing the mind of the character, and how you explained his feelings clearly and in such a way that could not be confused with any other feeling. The disgust Harold feels to the other land is also very evident, and is not talked about too often to bore the reader, which I enjoyed.
I would have liked to have another name instead of Mage because it was used so often. Possibly revealing the name of the criminal?
Another critique:
"They worshiped too many gods. They worshipped the God of Death, Skelar, they worshipped the God of Life, Vorad, they worshipped the God of the Sea, Mertanth, they worshipped the God of War, Cerosust, and so many others."
There might be too many gods mentioned here. I understand you're trying to emphasize the polytheism the people demonstrate, but listing too many of the gods can be too wordy, and may cause the reader to skip over the list because they find it unimportant to the rest of the story. Unless it is vital, try not to list too much. Remember people like to stick to important facts and details that help them piece it together; too many words you will lose a person's attention.
I once again enjoyed how you made sure the reader was well-informed. It makes jumping in possibly one or two chapters late easy and the reader can quickly figure out what is going on and what they have missed.
Another critique I have for you is:
"“My entire life! In a prison! This is madness!” the Mage cried."
I feel that the first two exclamations can be changed into question marks. They sound more like questions than exclamations to me, and it seems like the Mage might question this more if he is saying it is madness. He is in disbelief, so he might ponder something that sounds incredible and impossible to him.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter as well as the rest of your chapters that I have reviewed. I can't wait to read more from you. I hope this helps you further your writing skills, and I hope you take my feedback into consideration. Awesome job!
Ha yes finally another piece for me! This is marvelous! Of course I am not reviewing in chronological order. I am doing so from the oldest not reviewed to the newest.
...The Mage had been caught performing water magic in the outskirts of the fief. The Mage had accomplices, but they escaped by leaving their comrade to die...
Too many Mages. Use a pronoun in place o the around Mage. Had once again has been omitted. Do you fear the word?
...“Yes, my lord. But I was simply speaking with the spirits of the river! There is no harm done with this magic.” the Mage said, pleading with the Baron....
As I said in my previous review, this need to have something other than said. It's great that 'pleading' is added, but find a way to remove said once you have a synonym. In some cases this cannot be done, but here it can.
...Harold’s guards took the screaming Mage away...
The Mage is screaming, but what is he screaming? Yells such as of an animal? Curses? Pleas? Mercy cries? Explain! Flourish your story!!
...“Was he correct? Is Sulryn planning an attack Goldhaven?” ...
Prepositions are highly valued in a story. Try not to omit any.
Other than that I find no mistakes. A good piece this is.
Keep writing!!