It was beautiful; there was no doubt about that. Ironic really, he’d never have thought his death would be pretty. Or heroic, for that matter. He sighed, clear blue eyes mournful as a breeze brushed past him, idly stirring his short iron grey beard for what felt like the last time.
The interplay of powerful cosmic forces danced across the sky, explosions of violet against a lighter lilac, as he watched from the deck of his slowly sinking ship. The dark timber of the wharf a short distance away, gleamed in the fading light. He shook his head, thinking of the various predictions of the apocalypse, of the Last Days. In the end, no one had been right. It really was quite pleasant.
Something lapped gently at his feet and he glanced down, surprised. He calmed, when he saw the pool of red drenching his boots. For a moment there, he’d thought the waters were claiming him. He stepped out of it, noting that the increasing tilt of the ship had brought the lifeblood of his first mate coursing down toward him. The body itself was still sprawled at the aft, jammed against something. It was a good thing that the rest of the crew had been below deck, he thought, it saved him quite a deal of trouble. At least they weren’t bleeding all over him.
It was a shame really, that they hadn’t understood. It would have been much easier that way. As it was, their throats sported similar smiles to the first mate. He was glad, that in death at last, they had something to be happy about. It just wouldn’t have been right for them all to go down with the ship; that would hardly be a heroic end for him now, would it? No, only the captain went down with the vessel. 'Twas was a fitting end.
He chuckled ruefully as he remembered something his father had once said to him:
"The first thing a principle does is kill somebody.”
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140,218 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Ack! Why has this been dragged from the depths? It was a small, flash piece for a contest. Nothing of import that people should be wasting their time on, though I do appreciate it. Look to more recent posts to comment on!
*locked*
Great ending to what could be a great novel if you ever write it!
I thought the imagary and descriptions were fantastic. The language was simple which made it easy to read and as far as spelling, punctuation and grammar are concerned, i didn't spot anything major.
I love to here what happened up until that point in the story so let me know if you ever write it.
Dear Jiggity,
I like it! I've got to admit, I had to read it through twice before I completely understood what was going on but now it makes sense. It has a really dark and sinister aura to it, which I don't often find in the pieces I read. You had some unnecesary repetition of words but that was all covered above. All in all, it was a pretty impressive piece. Keep writing!
Your Critiquer, Meggy 86
Cheers for the comment, Tri. I was lucky to get this in on time as it was lol, not that it took me long to write, just that there was so little time left, haha.
You're right about 'it', I shall look over that. Thanks again.
A bit purple in the beginning, but a lovely little piece nonetheless. The word 'it' in the fourth paragraph got on my nerves some. Perhaps a re-wording would do you well.
Best of luck in Fools' Duel. I am unfortunately not entering this time around.
Kitty--Thanks a bunch, I live to disturb.
Imp-- It is not the best I've written for the Duel, no, but take into account the time factor here! Lol. Thanks for the crit.
As for your p.s, I can only smile tenderly at your spinsterly madness. Adieu.
Clau-- Cheers for the comment, so good to know someone appreciates my dementia.
I loved it.
I didn't like all the commas in this sentence. It worked, but it didn't read clear enough for me.The crazy captain who strongly believes in only the captain going down with the ship. As always, you write with the best of skill.
Reminded me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. "What are you going to do, bleed on me?"
Your writing always impresses me. Best of luck in the duel.
Neat and vivid, as usual, dear Jig.
There's something a little less acid about it in comparison to your other work; yet it fits into the character's calm and the tranquil sense of the sea.
My only note for revision would be the phrase at least. It slips in perhaps a bit too persistently, repeats itself, or slows a sentence? Glance over the second, third paragraphs - I think.
IMP
post-scriptum: Yellow's mine naturally; but feel perfectly free to remain in the pleasance of dear delusion. ^_~
I like the dark humour in this piece and I found it quite disturbing. That's a good thing mind. At first I liked the persona with his talk of heroic ends and all that but if that's what he calls a beautiful death... Lol. Very well written though I must say a lack of principles seems to kill pretty well too...