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by Jashael

Published June 13, 2013

E - Everyone

In Poetry

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Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
Juniper
Review
Juniper wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

Hey Jash! It's been a while since I've seen anything from you, so I'm really glad to see something from you.

I like the creative style of the poem, but I didn't start reading with much expectation (it's a sad trend that the prettier the appearance of the poem, the more disappointing the content :P), but you pleasantly surprised me.

There were some images like "fleeting faces" and some trepidation about the use of adverbs here that I didn't care for, but they contributed to the overall effect of the poem, so I feel confident in saying you've done well with this, and I'm not a fan of love poems. +1 for fresh images, too. :)

Happy review day,

June

SecreteJournalist wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

I am secretejournalist, reviewing for the fire flower! I follow anyone I review, so considerer yourself followed

I thought this was creative, nice, and interesting. A different type of poetry than what I write, so it was refreshing to read. I honestly do not find anything wrong with this poem, but thats probably cause I am not used to this type of poetry. If you want to share a link, go to the fourms!

But anyway, I liked this overall, and would like to read more! Keep writing

~SecreteJournalist

User avatar
RoseCrown
Comment
RoseCrown commented Comment · Jun 13, 2013

Hey Jash

First of all i love the idea of the heart. :P :D

The poem is amazing! it has a lot of emotions and meaning.
I love the second and third stanza. :D

Sorry but i didn't get the punctured part.

Other than that its amazing(like I said) :P

Oh, thank you! <3

I put punctured there because the speaker has a broken heart, but it's starting to heal.

User avatar
RoseCrown
Comment
RoseCrown commented Comment · Jun 13, 2013

Hey Jash

First of all i love the idea of the heart. :P :D

The poem is amazing! it has a lot of emotions and meaning.
I love the second and third stanza. :D

Sorry but i didn't get the punctured part.

Other than that its amazing(like I said) :P

User avatar
CardDragon
Comment
CardDragon commented Comment · Jun 13, 2013

These are good feelings in the poem but you might want to change the format on here-it was hard to understand.
cheers and goodbye,
CardDragon RETURNS!

Oh, I see... I attached the proper format, though. :) thanks!

User avatar
GrapeNerd
Review
GrapeNerd wrote a review Review · Jun 13, 2013

Hello! I'm here to review your poem!

so first off, I really like the concept of this poem, I could just feel the raw emotion you are portraying. I really really think that turning this into a heart did not really help your poem. It gets confusing when it comes to reading it. Nonetheless, it was a good idea, however, I strongly suggest you format this properly. There were some brackets that were kind of, "unnecessary." You could've just put the "author's note" thing at the bottom or just put it in the comments. Anyway, great work! Keep Writing!
GrapeNerd

Thank you!



It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
— Albus Dumbledore