Life In the Eyes Of a Godless Man

hey guys. thanks so much.

I really liked it! I think it should be a bit longer though. I liked the part about the shriveling up. I hope this will help.

I really liked this poem. My favorite part was the last line. I like the way you phrased it.

i like how it has a joyful tone and then turns very sad but i can't really see how love can come from this i can see lust hidden in it thought, i really like the sweetness drifting through it and then the dowry bloom that makes it hit sadness but this is all good it keeps the reader interested even though it is very shirt but it doesn't really matter about size this is good so keep up with it because i would like to see more!

Wow... this is deep...I love it.

I enjoyed it but it was very brief, which worked to some degree but it would be good if you but even just a little more. i appreciated your use of metaphor, how you did not just go out and say something really literal, but still made your point.
though it is pretty short i still saw that you had a lot of talent, good job!

DanneilleLoveSong wrote: That was a really good poem. I normally don't care for really short poems but I really liked this. It short, sweet, and to the point. You did a great job Keep writing. You rock!

~Dannielle~

(Could you look at one of my poems please? Thank you.)

I agree that the shortness of this poem does wonders. I really like it.

It's great, it's simple but well written.

-MaskedGurl

i really wish this had more to it!

jashbagabaldo wrote:I only changed two words from the original draft, which I spontaneously wrote. I was quite shocked at how these words just came out. It's very simple though.

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The artless leaf blooms in jade Spring
Grows innocently through Summer's days
But shrivels up when Autumn sings
Till in Winter's snow, it fades--away

Hey, guys! Thanks so much for the reviews! XD

That was a really good poem. I normally don't care for really short poems but I really liked this. It short, sweet, and to the point. You did a great job Keep writing. You rock!

~Dannielle~

(Could you look at one of my poems please? Thank you.)

That was really good. It was sort of applying the human race to the seasons of leaves. Well, that's how I saw it anyway. Really good though. Keep doing spontaneous writing, it's good! =]

Hello!!

Well, I really like this. I think the best thing you can do though is make it longer. Two or three stanza's more will make this so great.

The artless leaf blooms in jade Spring << So, I think that you could take out "the" and just change "leaf" to "leaves"... I think it might sound better. But that is just me...
Grows innocently through Summer's days
But shrivels up when Autumn sings
Till in Winter's snow, it fades--away << When I read this, it made me pause, whith takes away from the poem, I think you should omit this...

GhostlyImpressions wrote:I just have one thing to say: this is brilliant. It's beautiful, emotive and emotional.
Definitely simple, but love can be simple, and simple can be magic.
I love it.

- GhostlyImpressions.

I just have one thing to say: this is brilliant. It's beautiful, emotive and emotional.
Definitely simple, but love can be simple, and simple can be magic.
I love it.

- GhostlyImpressions.

itsjustemilie wrote:wow, this was beautiful.
Even though the poem was quite short you managed to get your point across to the reader.
I Love a poem that has been written about seasons.
Unlike most poems i have seen around you managed to include all seasons of the year, and write something fantastic about each one.

Well done

wow, this was beautiful.
Even though the poem was quite short you managed to get your point across to the reader.
I Love a poem that has been written about seasons.
Unlike most poems i have seen around you managed to include all seasons of the year, and write something fantastic about each one.

Well done

Thank you, guys, for the reviews! =D/

I like the simplicity, but describing spring as green and winter as snowy seems a little cleshe. I really do like it though. Maybe if you thought of a few different synonyms? Also, some punctuation might be nice.

I like the shortness of this, I feel like it helps with the imagery and the whole concept of the poem.

I like I like. this was a great piece.