The peaceful torment of my reflection,
It stares deep into my soul,
Scouring for sweet perfection.
.
Its eyes pierce into my being,
Cornering my little confidence,
I wonder, Is this what they are seeing?
.
This thing that I see can't be me,
It's not what I was before,
What everyone expects me to be.
.
They tell me that I shouldn't worry,
That this isn't the worst it could be,
They don't see my eyes become blurry.
.
I try to hide it from the world,
They can't see the pain that I feel,
Only the web of peacefulness I've unfurled.
.
How can I keep it from haunting my life?
My every thought is controlled by its glares.
It feeds off my limitless strife.
.
If only the world had no reflections,
No mirrors to judge or cause pain,
My appearance might have no infections.
.
A world like that, where everyone is kind,
With love not just from others but myself,
That world can only exist in my mind.
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140,533 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
Hello Tuesday here for a review.
This is a good start to this poem. However, it seems a little vague meaning it doesn't give the reader a chance to use their imagination. I like how you say that your reflection is staring deep into your soul and ripping away the sweet perfection you wished you could hold on to.I like to begin that this poem could relate to people. We all worry because we want to look like those stick figures we see in a magazines when really we are perfect as we are. I liked the rhyme scheme you have here and the message it shares with the readers.
Nitpick(s):
I would change on thing about this stanza. Instead of "tormenting", I would suggest using "torment" because it fits the tense.
You misspelled one word in this part which would be be "peirce". I think it might be, "pierce". It is a common misspelling that most people have but just switch the i to an e. Also the quotation you put, might need a question mark at the end of it because you are asking a question and since you are thinking it inside of your head, you could out it in italics or something, since it is a spoken thought.
Overall, I think it is a wonderful poem that can relate to anyone who reads it because we try to look pretty, when really we are pretty enough.
Farewell,
Tuesday
Thanks Tuesday I'll make sure to fix those errors.
i like the poem . i think it has beautifully brought the conflict inside a man with his outer looks and internalqualities. mirror had played a very important role in ur poem ,n ou native language we have a proverb which says that mirror does never say a lie if a man is internally bad it shall also highligt that the first thing which came to my mind on reading ur poem was he novel the picture of dorian grey by oscar wilde have u read it , its fab as ur poem is. congrats on a good work.
Thank you for the review! I haven't read the book you're talking about but I'll have to take a look at it. I like the proverb as well.
Hey
Just saw that you're new-ish, and you've already done so many reviews! I thought I would return the favour.
I like this, your characterisation of a mirror is really well done, and the theme is really clear. Well done
I think that your use of timing is holding you back. I find rhyming poetry really hard to get in to, but something that really helps is a well thought-out rhythm. I think you rhyme well, but the over all cadence of the poem just feel quite off. It doesn't have the natural rhythm that a rhyming poem usually has. Maybe you could try reading this aloud a few times? If you can pretend to rap it, it's good rhyming!
Nice Work
This was very true. I could relate, and also feel you in this poem. A poem is all about the person's feelings being translated through it. You did just that, and may I be the first to congratulate you. This is probably the best poem I've run across on here. It flowed smoothly, and without flaw. I think out of all of the other stanzas, the seventh was my favorite. I felt myself really connect to that one. I love this poem, and wish you good luck on the rest. May you find a four-leaf clover today! Have an awesome day!
~Laelle
Thanks for the review! Love your avatar, Katara is my favorite though
Hello, Scribbles!
I love your rhyme scheme here. It goes on throughout the poem perfectly. I think it flowed nicely together.
My favorite stanza was:
This last stanza really struck me. I love to read these kinds of poems where there is a surprising ending, and yours is definitely one of them. I love how you really caught my attention there. I suggest you do that for some of your other poems.
This poem seems to me like its trying to tell people that not everybody is perfect, and not everybody is so kind. I like how you add that in there for the reader to figure out.
Lastly, I hope you keep on writing poems like these because I think you are a truly great writer. You could not only improve but you could share your writing skills with everyone else.
I hope you continue writing these magnificent poems!
- Sunset101
Sorry I accidentally submitted this again as a comment. Please ignore.
That's alright happens to me too sometimes. Thanks for the review by the way!
Your welcome.
Oh! Maybe "Mirror Mirror..." can work, too? Ellipses are cool...
'Ello, friend~~~! \(O3O)/
The Overlord of Tildes is back again. I hope you're having a wonderful review day as well
Anyways, I quite enjoyed your poem, and do very much agree with the point it is trying to make. It is truthful, simple, insightful, and, well, somewhat saddening (though do not worry, this is probably the effect that this piece was intended for :3). If you'll ask me, I'd say my favorite line is:
I really can't quite put it in words-- the amount of beauty this line alone holds. Maybe something about it (the way it's written, the flow of the lines, the rhythm, etc.) just really calls out to me, and I can feel the frustration and disbelief radiating from the speaker. This stanza quite brilliantly highlighted the entirety of the poem, and that is quite deserving of extra tildes~~~
Anyhow, moving onto the criticisms. In your second verse, the part in quotations, "Is this what they are seeing." sounds a little bit off. I'm unsure if it was for the purpose of achieving a certain effect, but if not, I believe a question mark might make it flow smoother, and be more grammatically correct. (Poets: screwing with grammar since the birth of poetry >:3)
Also, the rhythm is broken in two of the piece's stanzas:
While I understand the reference behind "infections", it is evidently forced. Well, maybe it's not intentional, but since the rhythm is quite out of control at this point, it does sound strange. I, uh... don't have a suggestion on how to rephrase it, sorry. ( '-') Just thought you might like to know that.
Other than that, I didn't find any other major faults in this piece. Once again, good job!
Oh, by the way, since you are looking for another title, I suggest "Mirror Mirror". It's a throwback to a well known fairy tale (Snow White), and can even be seen as something to mock the current affairs and situation of society. As for the last line, using the word "brain" is indeed awkward, and I suggest it be changed to "mind" (unless its rhyming with "pain" in the previous stanza is intentional
Happy writing~~~~~~~!
Thanks for the review! I love when a review has humor as well as critique and your's contained both. I like the title mirror mirror, and thanks for the info on mind, I wanted to make that into a full stanza but I couldn't make it sound finished.
Team Why just seems to be racking up the points doesn't it...
I love your avatar picture by the way
Er, it wasn't meant to be humorous?
? (Jen fact: Jen possesses not a single onceling of humor) But I'm glad you enjoyed it nonetheless ^ ^
Why is Team Why in the lead? Because Why Not >:)
Okay, so this poem is really deep, and I think that every now and again it's good to have read on of them! You have a great story and idea here and I think that this can get to a lot of people, because so many people go through this feeling.
This poem remind me of a story that I had to read awhile ago. It was about a family who didn't own a mirror, and were simply a happy family. Then they got a mirror and the perspective of everything changed. I think that this poem goes off of that.
I think that the world we love often tends to be judge mental and critical to the appearance of anyone. Some have the nerve to say that to someone's face and then the person starts believing them. This poem shows that in a beautifully written way.
I don't know if this is in a perspective of yourself, someone you know, or just someone made up. But I I want you to know that you are beautiful. Appearance rules over the earth today , but I think tbt it is time for people to realize the beauty is found in the heart, personality, and character! You are beautiful!!! Never forget it.
Overall, great poem! Ites realist able simple and well organized! You have a wonderful talent... So keep using it!!!
Keep writing bro.
~#41
Thanks for the review even though you are from Team Why. This is in my perspective, and I know appearances aren't everything but that doesn't mean I don't care a little about it.
Dear IncohesiveScribbles,
I really like this, poem it snatched up my attention right away. Bravo! I really like the meaning in the words, it was very beautiful.
The line that really hit me was this:
It makes me wish we were back in the times when mirrors weren't one of the main sources of vanity. Though I think the character in this poem was thinking the opposite of vanity. But you are right, too many times do we care so much about what we look like whether we think we are pretty or ugly. There used to be a time owning mirrors was a rare possession; now they are everywhere we turn as if haunting us. :3 I hope I got the meaning of the poem, but if I didn't, feel free to correct me! =)
I really liked the title.
Reflecting my Reflection
Reflection's Torments
Mirrors Taunts
Mirror's Sad Reflection
Taunted Reflection
A possible extra lines for the ending (These are just suggestions because you asked for some. You don't have to use any of it, I'm just trying to be helpful.
"Life would be filled with sunshine, not rain
Appearance wouldn't mean everything,
But, that world can only exist in my brain."
Anyway, I applaud you for the awesome poem! Forever keep writing, no matter what you or others think of your reflection. It's what is inside that counts. <3
~Rose
Thanks for the review. I'll try to play around with the ending you gave me.
No problem!
If you have any different ideas for the title or how to make the ending a little less awkward please let me know.