I see them from a distance.
The young people by the river.
The sight of it makes me shiver.
Their ages are varied but all are too young.
.
The look on their faces is not of relief.
The expression I see is pain.
Their tears fall on the river like rain.
They all regret the choice they made.
.
It seemed the right thing at the time.
They felt alone, already gone.
They said they couldn't bear it for one more dawn.
They wish they had stayed for even one more day.
.
The river has gained too much traffic.
One person would be too busy for me.
If I got my way, the banks would be free.
No one would stand there at all.
.
How could there be so many.
That's too much hurt for anyone to feel.
The torture they must have felt is so surreal.
Could they all have had a reason?
.
Things on the earth caused them to be afraid.
How much longer could they have held this fear?
Will the river ever be clear,
Of the young people who gather on its banks?
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140,533 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
Hello. I thought that your poem was very heartfelt and I really enjoyed reading it. Suicide is becoming quite a big problem and it was a good theme to base your poem on.
You started off well when you mentioned the river. When we read further, that's when we realize the main topic is suicide.
The emotions are very well portrayed and the suicide victim's regret is also mentioned which makes us feel for them.
I particularly liked the way you wrapped up your poem as it makes you wonder if this problem will ever be solved in our societies.
Another positive thing was that your rhyme scheme was unique- I loved it.
My favourite stanza would be:
"The river has gained too much traffic.
One person would be too busy for me.
If I got my way, the banks would be free.
No one would stand there at all."
I don't have any negative things to point out from your poem and I really hope to read more work from you soon.
- Anshira.
Hello. I thought that your poem was very heartfelt and I really enjoyed reading it. Suicide is becoming quite a big problem and it was a good theme to base your poem on.
You started off well when you mentioned the river. When we read further, that's when we realize the main topic is suicide.
The emotions are very well portrayed and the suicide victim's regret is also mentioned which makes us feel for them.
I particularly liked the way you wrapped up your poem as it makes you wonder if this problem will ever be solved in our societies.
Another positive thing was that your rhyme scheme was unique- I loved it.
My favourite stanza would be:
"The river has gained too much traffic.
One person would be too busy for me.
If I got my way, the banks would be free.
No one would stand there at all."
I don't have any negative things to point out from your poem and I really hope to read more work from you soon.
- Anshira.
Wow that was a really powerful poem. I am very glad that you decided to write this piece. It is very insightful and, I am sad to say, very true. All of the questions that were mentioned in this piece all have a grain of truth of what a depressed person thinks while on the brink. The only line that I didn't like was "Could they all have had a reason?" but that was it. The rest of your poem was well-thought out and truthful.
Keep on writing!
Dragonrider
Hi friend!
The topic of your poem is so relevant. Thank you for taking the time to write about this and express your thoughts and feelings regarding suicide. Your empathy for those who struggled/are struggling with suicide is clearly defined in the way you've focused on their feelings. Also, the rhyme scheme you've chosen is interesting and fits well with the poem's form.
I do, however, have a few things to point out, but nothing major:
1. "One person would be to busy for me" - the "to" should be corrected to "too".
2. "Could they all have had a reason."
"How much longer could they have held this fear."
"Of the young people who gather on its banks."
-These should have question marks at the end instead of periods.
Other than that, I really enjoyed it.
Write On!
-Briggs
Thanks for the corrections!