I see you there,
From across the field,
Swaying in the breeze.
Your beauty sings,
Like a bird's sweet song,
Ringing through the trees.
You aren't disheartened,
By what they think,
You stand tall anyway.
But I know,
That if I pick you,
Your beauty will wither away.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there it's the final stretch of review day Kat here to review for Team WHY?
I wouldn't change a thing about the leg nth it is absolutely perfect and this seems like a little love not a boy would give to his girl which is cute . nice usage of similes and personification, remember a good literary device is only good when it is used well. The last line sort of disrupted the flow for me but it made sense . Not only will the flower wither but this boy knows he can never be with this girl, adding a slightly tragic twist .
I love this poem and how you compared the girl to a flower in the field . I could picture the the girl in a skirt the wind through her hair in the field then I pictured a flower and could see the two similarities from what you wrote
I'm sorry this wasn't more helpful but I just really adored your poem
Hello, IncohesiveScribbles! I really like this poem, especially the meaning behind it. There were no problems that I could approach. It was rather short, but it definitely got its point across. I think this will probably appear on the spotlight after review day, and I would love to see it there. I apologize that this was such a short review, but I didn't see any mistakes. Keep writing these splendid poems! ~Prez. T
Hi dear IncohesiveScribbles!!!
This is Eros here to review your work!!
I read your fantastic poem " Flower". It expesses the beauty in a very sweet way.The singinging of the beauty and the song is metaphorised beatifully.It is a wonderful poem and it has a deep meaning. I loved the poem. The delicacy of the beauty of the flower is decribed by the lines:
"That if I pick you,
Your beauty will wither away."
It was a cute and a sweet little poem.Keep going! ( I mean keep writing)
Cute poem, Scribbles!
I want to start off by pointing out something I like. It was nice that you were referring to the flower as "you". It was a cool change that I've seen so far.
So, I've read this a couple times now, and I love how you write the beauty of this flower. For example:
Your ending was... surprising, sort of. You write about how the flower is beautiful, and in the end you remind me that it can only share it's beauty if it isn't picked. I love it.
This poem is very simple and sweet. I'm thinking you should maybe lengthen it a little. Add some detail, stretch it out. You know? I'm sure if you do want to, it will turn out great. But remember, it's just a thought. You don't have to do that, of course.
Okay. Because your poem is small, I don't have as much to say. I personally like stanzas better, but that's an opinion. I just think they feel more organized if you split it in different stanzas. >.<
Well, that's all I have to say.
~ Sunset101
heya.prithamrittika is here for a review.firstly i want to tell you that i am not good in writing reviews. i like your poem. you showed a person with natural beauty. i like this thought. your explanation is very good in this poem. a person with natural beauty is really very good thought. this poem is very sweet and beautiful. all the lines shows nature's beauty and also persons beauty.the combination is very good. finally i like the total poem.it's really very good. keep writing....
Hey there!
I really liked this poem. Its one positive nature filled description of a beautiful sight a person is catching upon. I'm almost picturizing myself standing there and enjoying the view before me of a very fine sight. The way the beauty of that thing is described really attracts me and you have partially shown the way your emotions quiver in between the way of gawking at that beauty its a sweet poem which in the end definitely brightens my mood because its also a short one and its quite difficult to catch readers attention in a precise and expressive poem. Keep up the good work, thank you.
This was great. The first part did an excellent job of painting a picture of what's occurring. That was very strong imagery. The second half of the poem was deeper than the first, and showed that the subject is a strong person. In the tenth line, I don't think the "do" is necessary. The last two lines were a bit confusing at first, but overall make the ending stronger. Great job!
Heya, Chrissy here for a review!
Well, once again, welcome to the site! I'm happy I caught your first work, it's a beauty. Well, I'd better get to work.
This part seemed a little messed up to me. Better if I show, I think. Here you go...
See what I mean? When I first read it I was automatically rearranging it like I put it above, and then getting confused. It took me a sec to realize what was going on.
I think the "do" isn't needed. Kinda breaks the flow a bit.
Well, that's all I could find! I'm done reviewing!
This poem was heartfelt, and beautiful. Hope you post a lot more soon! Shoot me a PM when you do. I don't want to miss any of your works.
KEEP WRITING!
Btw, you are not required to change your poem if you don't agree.
It is a very nice poem. Most poems that do not rhyme are strange and I do not really enjoy them. However, this is smooth and vivid. But I think that in the verse "You aren't disheartened", you should change the "aren't" to "are not". The poem would, in my opinion, run smoothly. I am not a fan of contractions and I think that in songs and poems, you should not use contractions. Other than that, the song is really nice.