Just as a side note, this is a poem about my Great Grandma dying. I wrote it to help me deal with her death on the 29th October, early hours of the morning...
"You" and "they" are two different people so to speak. "You" is the other voice in my head. And "they" are family.
Thanks.
You say: "Hush now."
They say: "Let it out."
Allow stormy rain?
Or sullen drought?
-
You say: "Forget her."
They say: "Dream dreams."
Don't dry streaming tears?
Or withhold the screams?
-
You say: "Family dies."
They say: "Lives on."
The dead are free?
Or bonds are strong?
-
A satanic world keeps
spinning and spinning.
Death deals and is
winning and winning.
-
I say: "I love you,
Great Grandma.
Loved, love and
will love you so."
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,251 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Hello. First I'm sorry for your lost. I'm sure your grandma is very proud of you. Your poem was super sweet and sad. You really blew me away with your poetry. Some people aren't able to really write poetry, but this was great. The flow of your poem was smooth, and the tone was great. But anyway keep writing. This was beautiful!!!!!
<3 Thanks so much. That was very kind of you. It really touched me.
Just dropping by to say you poeted and you blew me away with this.
For real.
I hope to see more poetry from you in the future ^^
God bless you and your family
<3 You're the best, m'dear. I feel honored! (Especially seeing as you're the Poet Master).
I will try to write some more. I find poetry really hard to write, but this piece just came so easily. I guess it is because I was so emotional. I poured my heart and soul into it
<333
The Poet Master is quite pleased XDDD
Poetry does tend to be easier to write when you are feeling such strong emotions. You remember the poem I wrote, 'Crushes Can Crush You?' I had a lot of anger in me when writing that, and I wrote it in 5 minutes!
You did so well with this, Traunt! Next time you feel something strongly, poet ^^ I bet you it's always going to turn out amazing, just like this poem <33 I shall review 1.3 today, btw. I would review this, but that makes no sense, because this is basically perfect
Good, O'Poet Master *bows*
I'm quote a mellow person actually xD so I find it hard to feel anything but happy. Lol. Maybe that why I'm so terrible at poetry xP
And CCCY was amazing. I loved it <3
I will try to feel something other than jolly so I can dig at another heartfelt poem. I'd rather it be something other than sad though... You're too sweet. Ilu so much.
Thanks! Alice is waiting for you :3 hee hee.
Oh give over -^^- Perfect? *the feels Writer, the feels*
Yeah a lot poetry is depressing. It's hard to write a deep happy poem xD I can't ever do it. Remember, don't try to feel something ^^ Then it will just feel forced in the poem. You didn't try to feel sad when your Great Grandmother passed away. You were sad and that's what made this poem amazing. (not saying being sad is a good thing, but you see my point
) Basically, write when you feel a strong emotion 
But you already knew that. I'm reviewing Anomaly right now 
Oh and -- I have edited some thing on Anomaly so you might wanna refresh (make sure your review has autosaved though
i really enjoyed this poem because it shares the poets feelings very well, how much she loved and cared for her nan
As someone who has lost many people, this is incredibly strong to me. The line "don't dry blood tears or withhold the screams" hit me hard, I cannot say why. I really appreciated this poem and I am so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss, you wrote a great poem though.
Thank you, Vivian
Review,
Hello there! This was a good poem, because it provides inspiration for the reader. Telling them that even though people have died, does not mean that you have to let go. I can relate to this because my grandpa died in August. I miss him, and even though i know that he is gone, i do not have to let go. You have inspired me to write a letter to him that i have been wanting to write for a long time. I have needed this inspiration and you gave it to me. Thanks so much!
God Bless.
~cassaundra~
This just made my day <3<3<3
I'm sorry for your loss too. And that's wonderful that I inspired you. That's so, so lovely. I cannot express how happy I am.
Hi there IamTraunt. To start off, I'm very sorry for your loss, and I hope that writing this poem made you feel a little bit better, and that you and your family are remembering all of the good memories you had with your relative. My heart goes out to you. On to the poem itself, wow... you're a great writer and I could feel the emotions that you felt while you write this. I like how you wrote this, with the talking of both people, and then the questions. What a way of writing. I do have to ask about the second to last stanza though, because it doesn't keep with the pattern of the previous stanzas. Not to say I don't like that part, I was just a little confused. The last paragraph is also different, but I like how you used that way to end the poem. On to mistakes, I only have one question: is "draught" supposed to be "drought?" All in all, this was a very heart-felt poem, and very beautifully written. I feel very bad that something tragic like losing your great grandmother made you write this, but it's a good sort of sad. Thank you for taking something very sad and turning it into a masterpiece, and I hope you are hanging in there today.
Love,
PerksOfBeingAReader a.k.a. Katie
Thank you so much. I didn't even realize about that silly mistake! Wow. I guess my emotions sort-of blinded me to that.
The third paragraph was to show that the world will keep spinning no matter what I do and the last is to show my decision
Thank you again.
You're welcome so much. It's okay that you made a mistake! Thanks for the explanation! You're welcome again.
Hi there! This poem is quite amazing, and extremely touching! It was a pleasure to read, though in a heartbreaking kind of way.
Now for the review. Firstly let me say that I loved your rhyme scheme here, and your rhymes and rhythms matched perfectly. The whole thing flowed naturally and with amazing ease, which is a difficult thing to accomplish and to maintain throughout the poem, so good job!
The contrast between the inner self guiding our actions, and the outer world of external reality, is quite vividly depicted here. What is expected of us by society, by the people around us, can be very different from the emotional realities that we experience within ourselves, and reconciling the two can often be quite difficult. Each person has his or her own way of dealing with any situation, and there's no single formula that works for all. Some like to bury their pain deep within themselves and move on in life, others like to share their hurt with others. Each person is unique and works in his or her own peculiar way, often incomprehensible to others.
The constant cycle of life and death, and the apparent apathy of the universe with regard to the lives of its inhabitants is another theme discussed here, which adds greater poignancy to an already beautiful poem. The fourth stanza is my absolute favourite of them all!
The poem ends on a hopeful note that reinforces our belief in the power of love. Overall, this was a job really well done! Congrats on having written such a touching poem!
I cried when I read this <3 thank you, thank you, thank you!
I feel so happy for you writing this. I poured my heart and soul into writing it and am overjoyed that you like it.
*follows*
You are very welcome! This poem really touched me a lot, so I'm glad that I was able to express that in my review. Keep writing!
<3 wow
^^ Thanks, Lylas.