If I do not have wings, can I still fly?
If I do not have fins, can I still swim?
If I do not have legs, can I still travel?
If I do not have eyes, can I still see?
If I do not have instinct, can I find my way?
-
I can fly high in the white clouds on a plane.
I can swim in the sea with my legs and my arms.
I can travel by wheelchair or by prosthetic legs.
I can see with my mind instead of with my eyes.
I can use various maps to navigate where I go.
My limitations only make me more determined.
They make me wise and teach me how to live life.
-
If I am blind, I have a loyal companion to guide my foot.
If I am deaf, I use the art of sign language to craft words.
If I am mute, I deftly speak with my hands, not my mouth.
If I am house bound, I do my upmost to sit up and walk.
If I am dying, do I just give up, decide my few years, hours or days are pointless?
No! I brush the dust of my boots and live - no matter how limited my time is.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
Hi! Cricket here for a review!! (this review will be shorter than normal, due to this being poetry and also singularly awesome!)
WOW, I totally love the concept that you've built up! So you're talking about limitations and what to do about them, then? That's the impression I got from it, really. If you have a limitation, then there is always something that can help you get through and conquer it.
This is mainly meant to help you get out of depression, right? Like you have a limitation, and you are depressed over not being able to do anything, but you start to understand that you can defeat it. Correct? Tell me if I get this concept wrong...
I don't know why, but this was probably my favorite line! I've always respected a good cold hard instinct, rather than something that was given to you when you were born. Instinct I almost think is built up over time, due to strength of will. Animals are created with it in order to survive, but people need to learn it. That's the way I've always thought about it, really!
Couple of suggestions
I'd think maybe about reformatting the poem. For example...
I wouldn't put all of this into just one stanza. instead build up on this idea slowly as you go. Like a line here, and then a line there.
So you'd maybe start a paragraph off with If I do not have wings, can I still fly, and then build off of that idea, and then continue in that fashion with it. That's my opinion on it at least.
This line seemed a little common place for such a fab poem. I'd go for something a little more in-depth of what the poem is about.
I'd suggest getting rid of the word that I put in bold. Seems redundant to me.
Now I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but I'm not sure if you want to start EVERY sentence with I can. By the end of it, my eyes were starting to get a little tired of seeing those same two words!
I totally love how you made this poem hopeful and semi happy at the end. Very few writers write works that end up happy, and I'm glad you're one of them!
~Cricket
Thanks for the awesome review Therese :-3
It was very helpful - your reviews always cheer me up and give me something new to work on. Your amazing! <3
No problem!
Whoops, that was supposed to be a review. Take two!
RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
Okay, so this was okay.
I like the overarching concept. The idea of human resilience is a popular one, and one on which you've written really well! The problem comes with your diction and syntax.
I would have worded the stanzas differently. Perhaps it's because I don't like poems that don't rhyme, but I think there are better, more elegant ways to express what you're trying to say here.
I like the imagery you used, with the plane and the sea, and how you used analogies that are easy to understand. I love the usage of the repetition to drive home your points; it was really powerful, and left me thinking.
But I still think you could have worded the stanzas a little better, in a way that would be a little less choppy.
Overall, I give this four stars of five, because I love the concept and the imagery! Great job!
Well, I've finally decided to review one of your works. You're slightly lucky because I don't like reviewing poems on a regular bases unless I understand them. So today I have decided to come out of the darkness and review this poem.
This is really powerful, the way you describe certain things and create relatable analogies that others understand. The descriptive nature in you wrote made me feel as if I was the person saying I am.
In the end the message behind this poem is something everyone needs to learn. We can do things even if we have dibilitations that can limit us. These problems should not inhibit us, but make us stronger, sure we may need a little bit of help here and there, but that us only so that we can keep moving forward.
Thank you for your review! I really appreciate it
Your comment was highly encouraging and upbringing, I am really please with the way my poem turned out. Thanks again.
Hey it's Neverland here to review your work!!
I like how you started off with all the things you dont have and then go on to say that you can still do everything with out them, just by a different means. And the way you go on to say that all the things you lack make you stronger and wiser, I love it!
Though I do have one negative (if you could call it that) thing to say: it's all in one stanza. If you break it up into about 3 then I think it'll flow even better. But thats just a prefrence and something I find makes the layout look nicer as well.
Overall I enjoyed reading your piece greatly, made waiting for class a little less painful even. *Smiles*
Keep writing! If this is any indication to your writing you're doing really good!!
Good luck in your endeavours in writing.
~ Neverland
Thank you for your review! Much appreciated! Your wish is my command - I will split them up into three stanzas (and I'm glad your wait was more durable!!) Thanks again!
If you need a review for anything just message me!
You're very welcome! ^-^
loved it! your tone in this poem is magnificent and powerful!
keep writing! <3
Thank you!