Young Writers Society

Well, hello, Traunt (if that's not your nickname, please correct me, and I apologize). I'm best at reviewing poetry, so I have come upon yours and am prepared to tear that section of your portfolio apart. Hide your chocolate!
Now, onto the actual review.....
So, I don't know if the formatting got messed up or what, but the cut between spacing the two-line stanzas and then not spacing them really confused me. I suggest sticking with the latter. Sorry if this was a formatting problem which you can't help, because I know that nearly always happens to me when I try to write poetry XD.

Now I use my engagement ring to cut my gum,

The blinding pain then turns me numb.

Since no one really cuts their gums, and the rest of your poem is mostly focused on injuring your hands (and sometimes legs), I HIGHLY SUGGEST changing gum to thumb. So:

Now I use my engagement ring to cut my thumb,

The blinding pain then turns me numb.



Ragging and tearing at my bruised limbs,
Makes me remember hope falters and dims.

Okay, so at first, the second line of the stanza I copied above confused me; a few moments later I got it. I think it's because it started with "makes me remember." The wording just confused me a bit. I'm not sure how to help you on that one; just maybe try to start in a different way? It's probably just me, so don't sweat it too much XP.

Scarring deeply the head of my crown,
Helps me to ignore my feeling down.

This next stanza was a bit forced/rhyming forced, and the poem is already at a good length, so I suggest just taking it out altogether.

I bite at each and every finger nail,

The flow got a bit choppy here; I believe you added on an extra syllable. I was really into your poem and, like, leaning into the screen XD and then this break in the flow kind of snapped me out of the mood, and I was like aww man, so, in short, I suggest shortening it some way that there is one less syllable. That was a total run-on sentence

Waking up is the hardest part of my day,
To know my wedding is not so far away.

These last two lines also extended the number of syllables, repeatedly breaking the flow. Perhaps change it to something shorter, resembling something like this:
Waking up is the worst part of my day, (1 less syllable)
To know my wedding is not far away. (1 less syllable)

Now that I'm done with suggesting revisions, I shall move onto what my interpretation of the plot is. I thought this was about an abusive future husband/fiance. However, this did not become clear until the last two lines. I don't think it was as much as a problem as Iggy said, but it definitely wasn't clear until the end, I'll say that.

Usually, poems are quite as literal as you made this one, but I think it worked really well this time. The literalness made me wince at the evident pain that she was going through, and it inserted emotion into the piece.

I have to say, I really enjoyed this. The vocabulary you used and the descriptions of how she cut different parts of her to deal with her abusive fiance captured me and kept me reading. I think you made this the perfect length, besides the aforementioned stanza that I suggest you take out. Unlike other reviewers, I don't think the rhyming was forced (except for the gum that I think you should change to thumb part).

Awesome job!
Overall rating: 9/10
Keep writing!!!!!!!! You are great at it!!!
+1

Hi! Cricket here for a review!!

As poetry isn't really my strong spot, but rather something I've written off to the side, and never really studied, this review may or may not be helpful towards you. So bear with me, hon. XD

Hmm, like Iggy, I'm really not sure what's going on. What I see is somebody being beaten, and is also dreading their wedding day. It makes me almost think that this is either an arranged marriage, or someone is being blackmailed into this marriage. XD Both sound the same, but are typically completely different.

And although you use some beautiful wording in most cases, I kept thinking that some of it was forced. For instance, some paragraphs use some excellent rhyming, while others don't. When writing a poem, you either have it to where it doesn't rhyme AT ALL, or it rhymes all the way through. At least that's what I've heard. If you want it free verse then do so, but if not you'll have to stick to the rules. So yeah, I'd suggest running through it, and just checking over and smoothing the rhyme out and the like. Wording is priceless though, Traunt. Excellent work there!

Some technical errors

My heart doesn't compensate for my broken wrists,

Ragging and tearing at my bruised limbs

Pre-occupying myself with my skin blue and black,

One thing that bugged me was the forced rhyme scheme. It was rather half in half; some rhymes were awkward and some were not. I'm not entirely sure how we can fix that, so I just suggest that you reread the poem and see if you can make the flow smoother. Sometimes, rhythm just doesn't work for a poem, and that's okay. But it's up to you; just a suggestion.

Another thing is that the whole point of this poem was lost on me. The narrator just sounds like a walking hazard or a masochist. What, or who, exactly is this "he"? Is it an abusive boyfriend? Father? Death himself? Someone else? What's going on? All you show us is pain and how the narrator is self-harming or being harmed, and while you use some nice imagery to show us that, it isn't enough. I want to know why this is happening.

Other than that, this was a nice poem. It had a suspenseful aura, as LiptonCookie said, and kept me reading further, wanting to know why this was happening. I'm just disappointed that I don't know who is the cause of all this pain. But besides that; your word use was beautiful, as was the example imagery you used to show the narrator's pain. It was overall enjoyable to read.

Wow, my first impression of the poem was almost suspenseful. It had an overall mystery surrounding it and in the end, especially that concluding line, I felt satisfied with this poem.

Moving on, I feel that the form of your poem could have been carried out differently. Firstly, the form was confusing, even if this was a free write poem. I suggest breaking the poem up into couplets, being that the rhyme scheme doesn't conform with the rest of the poem.

Secondly, though readers have a vague understanding of the subject of the poem, I feel that there should've been a better understanding given to readers--shown not told, of course. Your attitude toward the subject of the poem is almost longing but it is appropriate for the poem.

Another thing I suggest is refraining from using the word "so" too often as it becomes unnecessarily redundant.

This particular poem elicits a middle ground effect...however, try using more figurative language to give more impact toward the readers such as metaphors.

Needless to say, good work on the poem, however, by a few adjustments your poem can become even better!