Hi again! ^^
I really like your starting line here. I believe I've read about how the lines keep getting chosen by your English tutor as you continue writing each part, which seems very complicated from a technical standpoint to me. I do think that you made the rest of the poem work with the line you've been given though, because I wasn't doubting much.
I am a little confused about the language and wording choices towards the beginning because of the chopped up feeling I get. I believe the first stanza of a poem introduces the setting better than anywhere else, which is mainly because of the positioning, of course. If that setting is introduced well, it can change the whole poem.
I also want to point out that this is very dialogue heavy. I've seen that style work well in narrative and more fantasy themed poetry, so it's nowhere near impossible to pull off with the right preparation. I do think there is a point where the dialogue begins to feel forced to keep a formatting style though, and this feels like that currently.
Speaking of formatting things, the ending having one extra line is different than the other stanzas. Change is not at all a bad thing, and it can actually help a poem in some situations. The genre and voice of this poem sticks to this strict atmosphere in my mind because of several signs, so the change has little to no good effect.
These are all my opinions though, so feel free to throw away anything you disagree with and use whatever you believe will help! ^^
Points: 1129
Reviews: 9
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