prompt:
THE MOUNTAIN
At evening, something behind me.
I start for a second, I blench,
or staggeringly halt and burn.
--
(please check out part 0 as an explanation for the project.)
(do it, otherwise some things wont make sense)
--
THE MOUNTAIN
At evening, something behind me.
I start for a second, I blench,
or staggeringly halt and burn.
The shadow that stands beside me,
Perhaps behind me, or in front
From morning to midday to night.
I wonder, if I wander, will I burn in the light?
The darkest cave below a gothic manor,
These thousands of bat wings flapping in the dark
Of tunnels, of catacombs, perhaps.
Deep in the earth, Under the mountain of soil.
I have heard the sun will burn me, but I have never been outside
To see the rays that shine on grassy grounds that I only see after dusk.
The light that would shine in through the windows if I were not what I am,
A creature of the depths,
With a cloak like wings,
With wings like a cloak,
That lives in the mountain
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140,073 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hi again! ^^
I see the 3rd part of this already has a nice review on it, so I believe anything I can say there has already been mentioned. I don't like repeating other reviews because it doesn't remotely help me gain reviewing skills or the writer learn what can be fixed in their writing, so I'll just skip onto this part to remain helpful instead.
I like how there is some uncertainty in the narrator's voice. The use of words like "perhaps" paired with the unknown positioning of the shadow works nicely together. I also assume that the shadow is hinted to be rather malicious because of the phrasing of "The shadow that stands beside me/Perhaps behind me, or in front" being more negative in aura.
I really enjoy the line of "I wonder, if I wander, will I burn in the light?" as well, even though light and dark being a war or any other form of disagreement is a more cliché idea to enforce in poetry. Of course, that line doesn't exactly fit with that theme, but from the mentions of shadows, that is what I picked up on when reading.
I know I spoke about not mentioning and repeating ideas of other reviews, but I must say that I agree with the mention of how the mountain changes in every part. I believe the mountain range becoming more and more extreme or dangerous is a very human characteristic to put onto a non-human thing, which works for the setting.
I can't wait to see part five! ^^
I'm shocked by how amazing this was and how much I loved the descriptions! I'm not too good at reviews, but I WILL say, this is fantastic! I was so fascinated by this and each line pulled me deeper and deeper in. Keep writing things like this, you're gonna go somewhere!
As I read each poem in order, it appears the mountain grows more and more perilous. This is always so exciting for readers as they have to discover whether the character will be able to escape danger in every situation. Another strength of this series is the author's ability to weave other entities into the piece. There are mysteries within the mountains and underlying eeriness within each peace leaves the audience feeling unnerved after hearing of each one. I am particularly interested in this creature within the mountains. Perhaps, some sort of conflict between this figure and the speaker will arise.