prompt:
"The Mountain"
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(i highly recommend checking out number zero as an explanation)
(do it, otherwise some things wont make sense)
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A misty lake wrapped up in ice
I wonder what is trapped below
All beings live but once not twice
As I watch woods fill up with snow
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The forest, lovely, dark, and deep
With promises of spring to come
The douglas-fir, an evergreen
To eternal sleep will now succumb
~
Some say sticks and stones will break our bones
But I have never been so sure
Beavers build their dams from timber
And we build ours from rocks, secure
~
On the mountain is a trail
It may lead to Joy from Gloom
Or for the ones who don’t believe
From Felicity to Doom
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Hi there! I'll be reviewing all of the parts to this, so expect to see more of me soon! ^^
I really like the idea of this! I'm not exactly the best at poetry, but nature ideas come easily to me when I want to write. Nature is such a beautiful thing in general, and digging farther into the more specific parts of nature like the icy lakes, snow filled forests, and animals being productive is one way to show that beauty.
Regarding the Robert Frost lines within, I do believe they fit in really neatly. I didn't even recognize they weren't your own lines until I read some of the other reviews here, which is honestly really amazing. The tone and voice of this poem is perfect for more including of lines too, because it can probably be added onto without trouble.
I also agree with the feeling of being in the same areas as the setting, but towards the end I begin to lose that. I am mainly focusing on the last stanza over any other one because it gets rid of most of the nature imagery, but it begins much earlier than that if you dig into the word choices and small phrasings.
I am mainly looking at "It may lead to Joy from Gloom / Or for the ones who don’t believe / From Felicity to Doom" because I am not sure what that means exactly. I do think I understand the basics of what it might mean though, but I'll just mention it in case.
This was fun! See you on part two soon!
The relationship that we have with nature is one of both love and peril. Through anecdotes on woodlands, lakes, and mountains, this poem does an excellent job bringing this truth to light. Comparisons between good and evil within the natural world are made often, and thus the theme of this piece is conveyed quite well. My only recommendation is that the author should revisit how many syllables are present in each line and stanza. Sometimes, a poem is a balance and one sole word could disrupt it's flow.
This poem is written fabulously:)
Hey! SmudgeMudge here with a quick review!
First of all wow, this was amazing! I loved the way you described everything like when you said "The forest, lovely, dark, and deep with promises of spring to come." This left a picture in my head. I really felt like I was there, I felt the cold mist on my nose. I also loved the majestic tone this poem has. Well, great job so glad you made this awesome poem for lucky people to read!
-SmudgeMudge
Oh My! This is absolutely wonderful! I love how you have incorporated lines from Robert Frost's "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening". It's brilliant. It gives the poem a sense of familiarity which really fits with the subject material. But you also play with cliches and intertextuality in a very interesting way. It's capricious, yet rhythmic; Solid, yet insubstantial.
As for advice, I don't have much. The line "But I have never been so sure" Feels a little awkward. The casual tone doesn't really seem to match that of the rest of the piece. But that's just my opinion.
Lovely Job! I can't wait to read the rest of the series- YellowSweater
It's really cool that you actually noticed! I was wondering if anyone would notice those lines.
"Stopping by Woods on a Snowing Evening" was actually the first poem I ever memorized. Even though Robert Frost doesn't write in a style I would now usually be attracted to, he will always have a deep place in my hear:)