Heya Holysocks,Pretzelsing here for a review of this work that you made.I know that I have been on a review role with your works, and I will tell you why I am digginh through my people that I'm following porfolio's and finding things to review Don't tell that to anyone though,okay?
Anyways,let's begin,shall we?
I thought I should let you know about the development of our society before you visit.
~That's telling, you don't really need this first sentence, since by the end of the letter,the reader will know what you are trying to tell/explain to them. This is just unnecessary and obviously stating what you are about to do in the sentence below

~I like this concept and letter here,and the meaning behind it, but I think that the execution could be much better. First of all, is an alien smart enough to actually understand what you are writing? Now I know that this is imaginary, and there is no measured I.Q. level but I imagine an alien to be pretty dumb. Even though you made it pretty simple, this still sounds like something that a sophisticated human would read. <,<
On Earth we have different races that we segregate into different plots of land- we call them countries.
~Actually, there are many different races within one country nowadays. I know that you live in Canada, but I live in the U.S. and we were called the melting pot for a reason. There is such a diverse group of people that originate from different countries.
It seems that the majority of people feel they have no power over war. If only they would remember thatthey are a majority;billions of people feel the same.
~You repeated majority two times here. I think that you could totally cut out the second one.
~I like the "Social Rules" part because we are very social creatures (people) here and so everyone goes about on their day,following these invisible rules. I think that you could give at least one example here, so that the alien doesn't feel impending doom that they have to follow them or what they are.
~I think,if this is in letter/essay form you need to give a bit more examples and explanations, so that your audience(ahem,aliens) doesn't remain clueless and scratch their heads. What do kids learn in school? What types of categories of jobs are there?An example of currency(because every country is different in that.) etc. I think that if you included that,then your essay would be much more delightful.
or at least the future's past.
~Hmm, this is very very ironic, and I don't understand this. I am trying to think of the meaning behind it, but right now, I am very puzzled here. I think that you should either clarify this in your letter,or not include it at all.
I just thought I should warn you that it's a work in progress, please be patient.
~I was a bit confused here. Is this letter a work in progress or is the world and society a work in progress? I think that you could maybe clarify a bit for the reader here.
~After reading this whole letter, I noticed how negative and brutal it is. Now, I honestly don't think that these aliens are going to want to come and visit here, taking in consideration all of the bad things that they heard in this letter. I know that you might have wanted to be brutally honest, but if you goal was to convince them to come to planet Earth, I'm not sure that it would work.
P.S. TAKE ME WITH YOU THO
~I don't understand why you wrote this. I though that the aliens were wanting to come and visit planet Earth, not vice versa(meaning that you are going to visit them.) So which one is it?
~The repetition "On Earth" at the beginning of every paragraph got kind of annoying and well, repetitive obviously. I honestly don't see/know your purpose here, and I would suggest to make your beginning unique and differently structured in each and every paragraph <,<
Anyways, that's all that I have to say. Sorry that this review is short, but this letter is also short too

~Peace Out~
/Pretzel/
Points: 37216
Reviews: 346
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