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Lesson #1: Never take showers or grandparents for granted

by Holysocks


Picture a car. Picture a Toyota Corolla, dark blue, with rust eating away up the outside of its wheel wells. Now picture thick globs of dry mud caked all over the car.

“We need this car to drive through six-inches of mud!” My mom would enthusiastically tell anyone who seemed amused by our ride.

We had a lot of pride in the way we lived. It was who we were. We were different, brave, rustic- we were rednecks. We lived on eighty acres of pure heaven, off the main grid. We had a generator that went on in the evening, and got turned off at around twelve O’clock, depending on when my grandparents got around to going to bed.

When the generator was on, we pumped our wash water from our well into those rubbermaid plastic garbage barrels, and our drinking water into those water jugs you can buy at grocery stores. There were several different showering methods, just as there were several different families. My grandparents had a mobile home with a bathroom, so they’d hold watering cans filled with hot-water over the curtain rod for each other. My aunt and her kids did the same.

My family had a rubbermaid that was shaped like a bathtub, and then an even smaller rubbermaid filled with hot water. We’d fill the small one with hot water and use an old metal pot (the dipper) to pour the water over ourselves. It did the trick. We did this for something like seventeen years. So what? That was life. But one thing I want you to take away from this, please? Don’t ever take a shower for granted.

X.X.X

Life growing up on a ranch was awesome. My sister and I had our cousins to play with, dogs to play with, cats, horses, chickens, sheep, goats, horses, cows, and other various farm creatures. We grew up on fresh produce; eggs, milk, veggies, lamb, beef, honey (our on well water-- actually, let’s unbracket that for a minute and talk a bit about water. So many people I hear saying “water has no taste” and “I can’t stand plain water” and I have to be very honest; I think these people are crazy, generally. But when I taste city water, I’m reminded of the water most people have to drink. City water tastes like chlorine. It’s bitter, and hard to choke down in a lot of cases. Well water, on the other hand, is sweet- but it’s all different depending on where you’re from! Still well water is refreshing and just amazing. So I understand why some people would say water is gross, not ever really tasting real water perhaps. Don’t get me started on spring water. Now that’s a different kind of heaven.

We grew up building homes for frogs, and playing hide-and-seek in the woods. We build forts and snow forts and held tea parties and had snow ball fights and ate wild strawberries every summer. We fought imaginary monsters and hung out in trees. We caught snakes and then watched them slither away. We were kids, and like kids, we were opportunists.

When it started out, there was eight of us kids- three eventually left for reasons I’ll probably get around to telling you, leaving just five of us when I was six. And honestly I might as well start there because I think the earlier stuff is more confusing.

Alright, so there were four little trouble makers left, and one good child- me (don’t worry, it’s natural to feel bummed when you realize the person you’re reading about is in fact, not the interesting one). Nah, I had my moments. But in case you’re not convinced that I was an angel, let me tell you a story.

When I was little, I was running somewhere as little ones do, and I fell in a mud puddle and started bawling. But I wasn’t bawling because I was hurt, I was bawling because I was sure my mom would be mad that I got my clothes muddy. I couldn’t figure out why everyone was laughing- in fact I still couldn’t figure it out until my mom showed me the picture of me on that day: mud all through my messy blonde hair, up my shirt, on my pants, and the sadist pouty face in the history of pouty faces.

Still don’t believe me?

How about the countless times I had to betray my friends to go tell the “grown-ups” that they were doing something that they weren’t supposed to again, like: hiding under my grandparents mobile home, eating icicles off of roofs (we had pigeons, need I say more?), playing on insecure hay bales, running away, etc, etc, etc.

Fine. I was just a plain old tattle-tale. But I didn’t do it to get on the good sides of the grown-ups, I was genuinely concerned for my friends.



Oh right. I introduced them as cousins. Here’s the thing: we grew up calling each other cousin’s because my non-related grandma ended up being my mom’s mum and it’s really confusing to explain. It was a religious family. We chose to be a family. I’m glad I grew up that way because even today I believe that there’s plenty of space in my life for more brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers and uncles and aunties. Hell, I could even go for another set of grandparents right now, heaven knows there’s plenty being neglected.  


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48 Reviews

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Sat Jun 11, 2016 12:13 am
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Ashley123 wrote a review...



I liked this story a lot. It was an awesome piece about your life growing up on a ranch. I loved hearing about all of your friends and family members, your story really painted a picture in my mind. And also, I agree with you, city is the worst. Especially in big cities, it tastes horrible. Usually when I go to cities like these on vacations, I end up drinking juice because the water leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Usually I like water; the water at my house tastes good (I don't live in a large city), but the water at those places tastes like dirt. Anyway, for the actual review part. There were a few mistakes that I did notice, but nothing that I have never done before. So the first one, you stated:

"dogs to play with, cats, horses, chickens, sheep, goats, horses, cows, and other various farm creatures." here you mentioned horses twice, I'm not sure if that was intentional, but if it was it is fine as is. You could've been implying that you have a lot of horses.

"I believe that there’s plenty of space in my life for more brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers and uncles and aunties." here you said and way too much. Instead you should've used commas. So the sentence should instead be: "I believe that there's plenty of space in my life for more brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, uncles, and aunties." It just takes care of all of the "ands" and makes it smoother to read. Other than that I see nothing wrong with it. I really do like this story. Hope to see more of your work. Never stop writing. :)




Holysocks says...


Thanks for the review! I used the "ands" intentionally, but I'll consider replacing them with commas.



Ashley123 says...


Oh, okay. I didn't know that. It's fine as is if you want to keep it like that. It probably doesn't even matter. I really do love this passage.



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Fri Jun 10, 2016 10:22 am
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Dutiful says...



I soo agree with the thing about city water. Back in my hometown, which is not in the city; we live somewhere out in thr middle of nowhere in between forests and there's a small lake there, and OH MAI GOD the water tastes 10000 times better. It's sweet, and fresh and clear and just awesome.

ANYWHO THIS WAS SUCH A FUN READ! <3




Holysocks says...


YESH good water <333



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Fri Jun 10, 2016 6:59 am
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Hattable wrote a review...



Sockieeesss<3333

I'm reviewing one of your woooorks ooo: AREN'T YOU HONORED? AREN'T YOU GLAAAD?
Kidding, this will be horrible and I'm so sorry.;-; XP
I'll mostly be focusing on grammar stuff in this review 'cauuuse >> dat's wha I does. *nod nod*

So I guesh we'll get started, den?


cats, horses, chickens, sheep, goats, horses, cows, and other various farm creatures.

You said 'horses' twice. XP Which is nice if it's just a little jokey thing *bleh words*, but I'm not entirely sure if you meant that? It doesn't really seem like a 'Holysocks' sorta thing to do, but then again, you've surprised me before. :p
(our on well water-- actually, let’s unbracket that for a minute and talk a bit about water.

*”Own”, I think you meant? AND YOU NEVER CLOSED THE PARANTHESES DDD:
Also, I think 'unbracket' need a hyphen 'cause it's not a word according to my spellcheck but maybe it is a word but I dunno it doesn't really matter.
We build forts and snow forts and held tea parties and had snow ball fights and ate wild strawberries every summer.

*”Built”? And while reading this sentence, my brain spoke up with its own ideas and was like “haha if I wrote this I'd say 'We built snow forts and not-quite-made-of-snow forts...'” but shaddup brain no one cares dis is Holy's stowy;-; I sowwy 'bout dat
When it started out, there was eight of us kids- three eventually left for reasons I’ll probably get around to telling you, leaving just five of us when I was six.

Grammatically, you should say “were”, but since this is a memoir you'd probably be putting your own voice in so that wouldn't really matter. I'm not sure if you meant to put your own voice in like that, either way, and I dun really know if/think you talk like dat?;-; I dunnooo
Also, it'd flow better if you made that second comma there (after “telling you”) a hyphen/dash as well, 'cause “three” comes right after one and it sorta breaks the sentence a bit to toss some info at you and yeah. That made sense, right?
Alright, so there were four little trouble makers left

*”trouble-makers” >>
<<
>>
I sowwy;-;
and the sadist pouty face in the history of pouty faces.

*”Saddest”, unless you mean that you enjoy viewing pain? XP And “pouty” might be accepted by my spellcheck if it were “pout-y” but eh. “Pouty” actually looks better than a random dash in there. :p
eating icicles off of roofs (we had pigeons, need I say more?)

o.o yes please, why?;-; Did the icicles taste like pigeons? o: All I can think of is that there must've been a lot of pigeon poo up dere and dose wouldn't be vewy tasteh ice pops;--;
playing on insecure hay bales, running away, etc, etc, etc.

Hahahahah, I know what you meant by “insecure hay bales” but I can't help imagining a hay bale being all anxious about whatever hay bales might be anxious about. XP Maybe something about needles but that sounds a bit less family-friendly than hay bales normally are.;-;
I now have in mind a mini comic series thing about bad sentient hay bales >>
But I didn’t do it to get on the good sides of the grown-ups, I was genuinely concerned for my friends.

This would've been a great place for one of those semi-colons you're always tossing into chat messages. :p I think replacing that comma there with a semi-colon would do the flow of the sentence some good. c:
we grew up calling each other cousin’s

Nuuu apostropheee heeeere!! D:<
Hell, I could even go for another set of grandparents right now, heaven knows there’s plenty being neglected.

Aaand, really tying in with the grandparents for granted part of the title, nice. C: Here you could really benefit from a semi-colon, too. Riiiight before “heaven”, rather than that comma you've got currently.


And grammar stuff done, yay!
I wasn't intending to review this initially; I just wanted to come by and read mah ol' friend's memoiiir. XP But when I hit the repeat of “horses” I started a review and found a lot more stuff den I expected. o.o

Agh, not that that's a bad thing D: No, no, this was actually pretty entertaining. ^^ I like the shortness of it, 'cause I'm laaazzyyy, though it feels a bit short, even when reviewing. Usually reviewing makes works seem really dragged out for me, but this went by fast.
If there's any further parts, which I assume there will be, and I kinda hope there are — maybe try making them a bit longer? You don't have to, of course! It's entirely up to you. ^^



But yeah, dis was a nice little read. Good job! c:
Keep writingggg

- Hatt




Willard says...


A wild Hatt review has appeared!
What will you do?



Holysocks says...


Thank you Hatt ^_^



Holysocks says...


I mean... gah it's been too long since I've played Pokemon. *flees*




"Yesterday you said tomorrow, so JUST DO IT."
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