Heya Seirre! Incoming review!
I've been meaning to get to this work for a while, and what better time than now! I always love your use of metaphors and theme, and this work is no less special. With that let me get on to the review!
This time I'll start with my interpretation. On some levels this feels like its about toxic perfectionism. The lines like
This is why i sweep up the shards of a ceramic pig behind closed doors,
The titles gives an idea to me too. Red underlines are spelling errors, and blue ones are grammar errors. To me your title also reads as "Fear in my mistakes."I’m afraid that i will never know were to put my energy
And i will waste it like dimes from my piggy bank just so there’s nothing left to lose
It also feels like your poem is about fear of the unknown. Particularly, the reactions of people in your life as well as the fear of fear. All in all, the quiet, almost suspenseful, fear aspect is weaved in quite well. It touches on broad aspects of fear and very specific ones at the same time without seeming like you're going in and out too much.
Now for some critique, I couldn't find much, but I found a few lines to not fit the tone.
It felt like you were backtracking here when nowhere else you did that. It can very well be weaved throughout the work more. Like someone walking into a haunted house and timidly taking a step forward while looking behind; maybe they take a step back to a place they knew they were safe.(while you rub circles into her back).
I would comment on the capitalization, but you stated all was intentional. If I were to give one bit of feedback on this type of poetry, sometimes it gets confusing. I've done this style before a bit differently, but it still gets confusing after a while even though, I'm the one who wrote it. It's especially evident in the parts where you left out spaces. Its a totally neat idea, it can just get cluttered sometimes. I love how it goes with the theme, though. The red underlines being the fear as a metaphor work really well.
Now to praise your work! I love love love the extended metaphor of a broken piggy bank. It makes me want to wave through extended metaphors in my own works. It stitches up any loose ends as well. It gives me the image of a tiny piggy bank, broken, but trying to do his best to keep all his coins in order. Aw it makes me sad thinking about it, but its wonderfully used with the frantic idea in some lines.
Something about this line made me sit up and go "wow." The contempt, the loss of care, the frustration. Its like how I talk to myself when I know I'm being irrational. It's so well written.Without the coins; what is there to say except i’ m sorry you were robbed
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of this useful! I'm a bit rusty with reviewing, but I hope it was worth your time. I can't wait to read more of your works, so keep writing, Seirre! Anyway byeeeeeeeeeee <3
Points: 12895
Reviews: 190
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