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Young Writers Society



i read / too much / of you

by Hijinks


isn't it funny how we read too much into the things we know

don't mean enough: i like to imagine i can find a heartbeat

in your eyes, even when i know all too well there is no pulse here.

your hand cups the nape of your neck where buzzed hair bleeds

into skin and i hear a sigh of desolation because i want you

to feel lonely so i can offer up a hug, walking you into my arms

the way your bird's feet walk when you sad smile. you stare at

    

your phone's open camera app, taking in your untaken photo.

the way your nose shrivels a bit smells like despair,

and i want you to see cracks in your reflection just so i can tell you

how flawless you look. i stare at the red lines on your knuckles,

where you drew with pen, and i squint until they look the way

dry skin splits. i've got lotion in my backpack. i love how

you go on about only having one friend. i hate how

you go on about how pretty the boy you're too scared to talk to is. 


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12 Reviews

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Tue Mar 08, 2022 6:08 pm
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Hawinay wrote a review...



Hello Seirre, I hope this finds you well.

I greatly admire the imagery that you have placed here, how everything can bleed into many different meanings with every look. This poem in my eyes oozes a sort of unwavering devotion, being able to see past their flaws and masking them to something better, but never dismissing the underlying fact that they need help.

I do believe you mean "the nape of your neck" as far as grammatical errors go, but job well-done dear.

Keep creating art, and always dance when things seem hard.




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Sat Feb 12, 2022 4:06 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

First of all, please give me a moment to recover from that absolutely STELLAR poem. The imagery was just *gah* so great, and honestly the only way I can describe my experience reading it was it felt like a well-crafted mystery falling into place. Just satisfaction and layers and overall masterful artistry.

I think the way your tone versus imagery contrast with each other is nicely done. At first glance, this does seem, at the surface, like a love poem. Usually, poems describing a person's little features and using phrases like "I want you" and "so I can tell you how flawless you look" and mentions of heartbeats and hugs and love are about good relationships. But then, as you go deeper, there are some lines that are certainly red flags. The last line was one of them, as were the casual mentions of despair and no pulse and the buzzed hair bleeding. These more sinister images are almost hidden by the sweeter imagery and tone. I think it says a lot, too, about how people view toxic relationships sometimes; it's easy to ignore the worse aspects because the better ones are just... better. It was a fun, meta sort of aspect to the poem, and whether intentional or not, I think it added to it a lot. I'd also be interested to hear this poem aloud— I think it would definitely change people's interpretations depending on if it's read in a more positive, sort of wistful tone, versus a more monotone, flat, or even lowkey villain-monologue-esque tone. Or not even in such an exaggerated difference— I think simple emphasis on certain words over others would also have a dramatic change in how the poem comes across.

I think you utilized line breaks here very well, too. The way the title is formatted already ties into that sense of brokenness in the poem. Each line is cut off at just the right moment that it feels wrong, in a way. The pauses you incorporate aren't necessarily where natural pauses would fall, so when I read the poem, it feels like an intake of breath after each line. When paired with images like "cracks in your reflection" and "dry skin splits," it hammers home that brokenness I mentioned earlier, and also plays into that subversiveness, too. The line I especially like is that cutoff between "i want you/to feel lonely"— at first glance, the line ending with "i want you" seems simply desirous or the musings of a person in love, but then the complete thought comes and the toxicity of the relationship sets it. It's a really cool effect you've got going on here, and I enjoyed analyzing it immensely!

Overall: really nice work!! I love how your line breaks and imagery helped convey the somewhat hidden, true themes of this work! I hope to read more of your absolutely amazing poems in the future— may you fill up that 2022 poetry folder to its brim! Until next time!!




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Thu Feb 10, 2022 4:32 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Aww…this is a nice poem! I love how this person cares for the other person and will love them no matter what,flaws and all.It’s so rare to find people like that in your life.Will they be together or will they grow apart? It’s even more rare that those people stay in your lives.I hope you have a lovely and wonderful day and night.




Hijinks says...


I'm glad you enjoyed the poem! I actually intended this poem to be about the unhealthy aspect of the narrator's friendship, so I find it interesting that you interpreted it as being about wholesome, unconditional love. Would you mind elaborating a bit on what parts of the poem contributed to that interpretation for you? Thanks!



vampricone6783 says...


The parts where the person says %u201CI want you to see cracks in your reflection just so I can tell you how flawless you look%u201D and %u201CI hate how you go on about how pretty the boy you%u2019re scared to talk to is.%u201D

It just seems like they wanted the person to fee beautiful and not talk to people they don%u2019t like talking to.

But now I can see how this is toxic.



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Tue Feb 08, 2022 3:42 am
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starlitmind says...



plz stop posting amazing poetry my heart can't handle it thank you.





shady and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws
— Tuckster