Young Writers Society

Hey Seirre! I'm late as usual aha but I always get where I say I'm going eventually! Thanks for sharing your poetry in June ~ we were having a bit of a poetry drought!

I really enjoyed reading you tackle some imagery that I haven't encountered in your poetry very much before - though I know you've got a few poems that have a scientific edge, and certainly have a lot of pieces with the uncomfy bodily imagery in there too. The earthquake image was a perfect metaphor for the wanting to feel something more - it reminded me of people who sometimes complain about feeling numb to the world; some medications can also sort of have that affect of making all the emotions more mild/even - but the first stanza I think can be interpreted to show how that in itself can be really uncomfortable. I think another interpretation is that the speaker is looking for meaning in their life, and maybe specifically personal / identity-focused meaning or revelation, but they can't seem to be able to pick it out. In the second stanza it seems like the "event" they were waiting for to find meaning / feeling sort of happens, and yet they are still unresolved in a way - especially with those final lines that say that things are still out of their control.

You did a great job linking up the earthquake & disaster language into the body language so that it created one cohesive picture rather than competing images. The poem is a little elusive, but not necessarily in a bad way! And I think it's definitely an enjoyable read especially because it brings the reader somewhere and gives the reader specific feelings and images to connect with.

One question - I wasn't quite sure what you meant by "in-human disasters" but interpreted it as a little play on disasters that involve humans or are cased by humans & "inhumane" disasters - but I wasn't quite sure.

Thanks for sharing!

~ alliyah

We find comfort in the chaos.We won’t be blamed for causing it.If we are in the red then we can just come up with excuses.This makes me think it is about someone who won’t take ownership for their mistakes because it is “too hard.” Those are just my thoughts.It could be completely different though.I hope that you have a nice day/night.

Heya Seirre! Incoming review!

I really liked the extended metaphor you used with geological and earth tie ins. They were interesting and I don't see it a lot in poetry. With that said, lets get on with the review!

I'll start with critique. The only thing I could really find to say is about how each line in auto capitalized. The poem works pretty well with the capitalization as is, but I think it could be leveled up if for each "sentence" you keep the first word of a line lowercase. I always have trouble explaining what I mean. I think of my poem in prose and if where the line break is, the sentence continues, I don't capitalize the word. With your poem in particular, with the longer lines and periods mid-line, the poem could read a little better. It's just a thought to keep in mind because, after all, capitalization is a stylistic choice.

I hear assuring, creaking, sifting whispers that we already had
A tsunami last month, and my eyes got left to do
The bulk of the work like the starry pupils they are.

To articulate some seismograph-skittering self-revelation

There are tectonic plates gently shifting
Somewhere in my bone marrow.

After all, I cannot be held responsible for an earthquake.

good