No choice.

*waves* This is probably going to be a bad review, because I'm in poor spirits right now, but I might as well try.

As poems go, this has a pretty simple pattern and flow, but is effective. The core extended metaphor of being yanked around in the water does a nice job of showing the consequences of a lie. Whether in the initial lie, being sucked into its consequences/adding more lies (following the current), and eventually being dragged down and destroyed by the web an its consequences (the whirlpool), the metaphor conveys the steps of a lie well, and the result has almost a narrative-like feeling in its coherency and arrangement. The use of repetition is also effective, as it adds a whisper-like effect to the ends of lines. I like the narrator's sense of regret at their poor actions in the opening stanzas. I mean, it doesn't come across with a lot of emotion - one of the weaknesses of this piece, I think, especially in later stanzas (but I'll elaborate on that later on) - but there is a sense, in the connotations of "I didn't have a chance to think" and "I couldn't pull them back" that suggests that the speaker is distraught and awash in the hopelessness of their situation.

But yeah, on a related note, this poem lacks some life. The steps of a lie are described, but without great detail. The sense of despair mainly lies in the first two stanzas, and isn't particularly strong in either. It might be better to show an example of a lie, other people's responses, how the narrator is pulled along in the current, etc. In other words, the extended metaphor is pretty barebones, and it could do with such things as talking about the coldness of the water, protruding pieces of wood and stone, and the roaring of a waterfall. As such, I can get a more complete picture of the situation, and more easily relate to the narrator. That's just me throwing around some ideas, though, and it's up to you what you want to do with them. All in all, this is a great poem - well done!

Hello whatchamacallit,

Nice to see you again! I think it's been less than a day since I reviewed something of yours. Welcome to RevMo XD

So in this review, I'm going to be doing something similar to Alliyah, but our categories are a little different. My categories are imagery, theme, structure, originality, and entertainment value.

I can tell you that you really scored high for theme in this poem. In terms of things to talk about, I really love how this has double meanings and works towards creating thought. You did a great job developing the idea of tugging and fishing especially when you've released a lie into the world and that lie is ruminating around in these rapids. The suggestion of that lie is so potent that I completely understand what you mean and I engage with the piece as two themes rather than just one. One is the idea of drifting away, of getting thrown asunder, and the other is the idea of a lie messing with your life. Great job.

Because of that, your second highest is Imagery too. You did so well with theme because your imagery was well put and that just means that your imagery has to be rated right up there with your theme. The only reason I put imagery second was because I came to it second. They really do deserve to be together in the top spot.

Next, your entertainment value ranks right up there near the others. This wasn't as entertaining as some of the poems that I've read in the past, but it's short and sweet, and to the point, and that gets you high marks for this poem. There's not much we really need to see in order to understand what's going on, and you didn't have much in way of length to the poem which matches that nicely. You could get higher marks on entertainment if you made it a little more complicated and original, but that's coming up!

Your third highest is structure because I don't like the stuff off to the other side like an echo. It reminds me of a cheesy open of a show I watch which pretends to be very serious, but really we just laugh at it. Because of that, I was thrown off the seriousness of the poem due to the echo. It just doesn't work for me as a reader. It might work for other people, I'm not sure, but I really don't like it. Still, you did a nice job with your stanzas and your lines and I like where you have your breaks.

The lowest thing on your totem pole is originality because I've heard this before. Like, not this poem, but this idea of a lie sweeping you away. I've heard that before enough where I think I've seen it visualized in anime. Because of that, I didn't really have much of a choice when it comes to originality, but I still like your spin on it! I want to see what you will do if you take lies and try to come up with an original metaphor for how they get away from you.

So, if we square everything up, here's your roster!

Theme
Imagery
Entertainment
Structure
Originality

I hope that you are happy to see how you shape up. Keep playing with new themes, and throw in as much imagery as you want, you're really good at it!

Hi there! I just wanted to leave a few thoughts for review day.

I really enjoyed reading this piece, it seemed very well thought out and I loved how visual the poem was (both in your phrasing, images and in the formatting).

Figurative Language
I will have to agree with Kay that one of the big strengths for this piece are the metaphors you pull out which are quite lovely. Also all of your metaphors work together with that water theme to make the poem seem cohesive and put together. I love how that last metaphor (with the current and whirpool left the hypothetical and then became a conflict and acted upon the speaker by engulfing the speaker into the lies. That was a really neat way to describe the situation.

Emotion and Internal Dialogue of Speaker
My only suggestion as far as that part goes, is I would have loved to know a bit more about how the speaker is feeling. We get the physical embodiment of the emotion, but we don't here much about how that is actually affecting the speaker. And as a reader I was curious to know more about them. Even giving examples of the types of lies would be interesting as a reader to know about. Like are they about the speaker's identity, accomplishments, are they lies that hurt other people, do they lie to everyone?

Formatting
Moving on to some comments about formatting. I really enjoyed the consistency of the entire piece. I love a poem that has even lines and stanzas. For me, it just makes the themes seem cleaner and makes the poem look more polished on the page. It makes me think that the author actually put in more work into the piece too, and helps me not get distracted by an extra line or a random stanza break. So great job on that!

I think that the portion that was aligned to the right was not super effective for me, because it didn't bring any new meaning to what was already being said. It was literally an echo, which created an interesting ambiance for the poem but seemed a bit gimmicky because we didn't get anything new from it. I wonder if you could incorporate lying into the right half by making it negate what the left half is saying. For example the first section could say "the lies never leave" rather than the "lies are gone" because then the reader would have to decipher which side of the "story" was true. Just a thought. Either way, I think it would be more effective for the portion on the right half to be adding meaning rather than merely repeating what's been said.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Overall, I thought this was a well done piece and I'm glad I read it. Please let me know if you have any questions about my review!

~alliyah

This Review was brought to you by Team Autumn. Happy Review Day!

Hi there!

Grammar

1) "Those lies,
were gone" - there shouldn't be a comma after "lies"
2) "and it lead way to rapids." - either "lead" should be "leads" or "led"

Form & Structure
I really like how you've slotted in the words in italics at the opposite end to the main poem. It creates a sense that there's a second voice whispering the words, thus engaging the reader and creating a really unique structure. In addition, the single line stanzas beneath each quatrain really adds to the effect of the poem, and the full stop after each line creates a sense of finality, which again, adds to the whole effect.

Imagery
Your imagery is good, particularly your choice of similes and metaphors, as they really enhance the overall effect and paint a pretty good picture of your poem as a story. However, I would suggest using more judicious vocabulary to create a more sophisticated feel - but don't overload on high-level vocabulary, as it just makes the poem hard to understand. Slot in complex language here and there, and try to balance it out with simpler choices that provide a better effect where necessary,

Overall, I think you have a really good poem here. Your idea is strong and the effect you've tried to create for the reader has been successful. Hopefully, my review will help you improve as much as possible.

KayLou1609