Lost in a whirlwind
pieces of paper swirl around me
I can't seem to use the ink just right-
it keeps blotting
leaving splotches
that look like black blood.
My pencil keeps breaking
leaving lines of lead in the wrong place
the sketchbook is filled with drawings,
crossed out,
erased so much the page rips
leaving a mark of my failure.
Ideas flood my mind
but that same flood
soaks the paper,
ruining my draft,
reducing my rough-sketch
to a lump of nothing.
Even this piece of poetry
is a disgrace to any writer
burns my eyes to look
tears my heart to read
and it's the best, by far,
I've written, all week.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
hey don't you thin lead is spelled wrong. Every writer at some point get frustrated because they think they've run out of creativity. I can't simply imagine how many times I've been there and almost gave up writing but I learned every artist needs a muse and you just have to find it.Mine happens to be everything from tv series to books and movies.It's the nightmare of every artist not getting the right words, what you did was just amazing putting them in a poem.This could be a great song in castle[if you watch it 'isn't it amazing?'.if you don't why the hell are you still alive and whats the point of life} okay so no words hands down amazing.
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it
no probs.
looks good keep it up!
thanks
Hello, Dino here for a short review!
The first opening chunk of this poem is quite a lovely read because it opens up with the struggles of trying to write and you play with an image here that most people that they also try to do. I think the only suggestion I have for you in this part would be to add/change some words. For example, for this line:
'So' doesn't seem to fit quite in with this line but I think 'yet' could do better since it is saying how the narrator can't use the ink yet because it is all blotted together to create some mess and such.
This chunk reads a bit awkward, starting from the beginning. What I think is making it awkward would be this part, no sharpener can fix it. Without this line, this chunk seems a bit better so I suggest getting rid of the line so it can run smoother. The ending, much like that small part, seems to end quite rough. What I suggest doing is something similar to this:
Overall, I did enjoy reading this poem, mainly because I relate to some of what is going on. xP The ending was a nice sweet closing to it because it is kind of going in a full circle to the beginning, if that makes sense.
If you have any questions, let me know!
Dino
Thanks for the review!
I do have one question - does this blend in with all the other poems on this subject? Is it too the same?