Argument

Hey, great to see another work of yours so soon!

So between this and your poem about Love (I just reviewed it but forget the title! I'm sorry ), I see a common theme where you take a very broad thing and discuss what it is to you. I really enjoy that base idea and how you take it and run with it! This time you're on the topic of arguments, as the title suggests.

The first stanza is a bit lazy to me or almost slow to get through. Immediately in the second stanza however, it picks up and gets into the depth of what an argument is to you and how they go. But like I said, that first paragraph seems a bit forced. I understand the introductory aspect to it, but it's lacking a snag or something to keep me interested. It's very black and white and basic as to what an argument is. It's essentially "we didn't agree so now we are yelling." I would probably tweak that and give it more of a catch and maybe enhance the language in some way. I don't think it ruins the poem in any way, I just don't think it's on par with the rest of your writing here!

My only other critique would have to do with rhyming. In some spots you rhyme, some spots the rhyming seems forced, and others just totally ignore rhyming. I don't think that's a bad thing; I'm just a real bugger about consistency. I over analyze things really. I probably come off as negative in most of my reviews because of this. But back to the rhyming: I would try to go back and maybe find a way to either straighten out a consistent rhyming scheme, or draw out the lines to remove some of it so it becomes a more apparent free verse piece.

Sorry again for how negative I come across! I do enjoy this piece very much but I put most of my reviewing efforts into anything I saw that could potentially use a little work.

Please keep the works coming! I'm enjoying them. Also, welcome to YWS if I haven't said so already. I'm relatively new myself. I'll keep an eye out for more of your poems and such in the future!

-Tom

Hello!

First off, welcome to YWS! I'm glad you're around and I hope you're liking our virtual community. If you have any questions related to the site, feel free to PM me right away. Arguments. I had never thought of writing about arguments, but I believe this is a topic with a lot of potential because they are as old as humanity itself, hehe. And it can be just as serious as it can be funny, depending on your purpose.

I have re-read your piece with the purpose of giving you feedback you can reflect upon. So, I will start off by suggesting that you think of Show vs. Tell, and how it could help you improve your poetry. If you take a look at your poem, by the end of it, the imagery gets more vivid and the wording gets more elaborated (especially in the very last sentence). However, I believe it would really benefit your writing, if you work towards giving this poem a more catchy beginning. Personally, I think you could obtain this by modifying that very first stanza with the idea of showing the readers how the characters argued and what was physically happening, rather than just telling. Of course, this could be an easier task and much more sophisticated if you focus on the smaller details. Instead of saying "It all starts when we disagree", you could describe how character perceived the person they were arguing with and how being yelled at felt like for the speaking character. For example, if you were to share the idea that someone punched your character in the face, instead of saying "She was going to punch me in the face, but then she just left", you could write "She raised her fist enhanced by rage, but stormed away instead".

Anyway. Hope that helped! Have a nice time writing. Hahaha.