To Alcohol,

Ya gorl loves a poem without flowery language. This feels really true, and raw. I don't know if you're writing from the perspective of a person that is an alcoholic, or your actual experiences, but I loved the blunt structure/lack of words; it really shows how much alcohol is toxic, and doesn't deserve much of a send-off, or a goodbye.

I really, really liked this piece.
You did a really good job. I hope to see more of your work in the future!

Cheers,
MintyLeaf <3

Interesting poem, you use a lot of commas and punctuation in it which I have nothing against that, because I feel like it adds more to the poem. You Use great rhythm throughout the poem and it has a great flow.

One thing I have to say in the ending part where you say.
"What is love?
Sick, Wicked,
Lost, Fuck it,
Dear Alcohol,
You drive me insane."
I don't feel that the ending, "You drive me insane." really fits in because it doesn't really rhyme, that's just my opinion.

Overall my favorite part was
"I need a number,
I need a name,
Give me your slumber,
Give me your pain,
Give me something to show,
That you feel the same."
My interpretation of this part is the the person is so desperate he/she is asking for anything. They need something, so they will take anything they can get.

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL

The structure of this poem is concise, short, yet not boring or plain. Some could criticize it and say you use too many commas, but in my opinion, I feel like it adds to the poem and what you're aiming for rather than taking from it. Not only that, but I can hear the speaker's voice and the rhythm of it as the poem goes on. It has a very back and forth rhythm that resembles the narrator's conflicted state of mind. It doesn't lose track and cycle back as if it were in the pattern of a spinning wheel, but it bounces back and forth like a ping-pong ball between the narrator's desire to set them free of alcohol while also being so dependent on it.

"I hate this pain,

Hatred Devout,"

The only thing I can comment on is the line "Hatred Devout," because it interrupts your flow and rhythm. Two lines before you also write 'Much more than pain,' so I suggest keeping one or the other but not both. That or restating it. I think it would also be a good idea to read this stanza aloud to figure out what needs to be switched around:

"Much more than pain,

A worthless sellout,

I hate this pain,

Hatred Devout,"

Worthless sellout also doesn't seem to go together with the surrounding lines, so you could even create more lines branching off the sellout line. Example: "Much more than pain, Deeper than eons of rain, Devout to endless hatred, Oh how I hate the endless pain."

Random side comment, but I have trouble paying attention to longer very detailed poems(even though I write them) and reading this kept me captivated all the time. You have a gift with structure.