Heya, HiddenMask here to give you a review. I really enjoyed reading this, it was written very well and the pacing was very good at the beginning. I'm gonna give you some suggestions at the end of this post on how I think you could improve this, but they're just suggestions.
I like how you began with a simple image (Adam sitting alone at a desk in the night, staring at a piece of paper) and then slowly expanded on why he was there in the night and how the shadows are forcing him to write. The feeling of tension is heightened by your descriptions of Adam's hands sweating and his eyes being dry. Describing him noticing small details like the orange glow from his lamp and the worn appearance of his bookshelves and drawers was a nice way to describe the room in a subtle manner while maintaining the feeling of fear. That feeling of nervousness and fear is apparent throughout the entire short story.
Just a small thing, when Adam walks over to his pistol to shoot himself, the shadows don't seem to do anything to combat him except for glaring angrily. It makes the scenes feel a little stagnant. Maybe describe them writhing around him, futilely trying to stop his inevitable death would help give the scene more action.
My only real problem with this short story was the lack of build-up to Adam refusing the shadows. It's an important scene that should be emotionally impactful.The minimal bit of build-up you give to what should probably be the climax to the story is delivered in just one sentence:
"Fear pulsated through Adam, from his very deepest core, all the way to the outer surface of his being. Sweat collected as anxiety boiled higher and higher."
And then the use of "Eventually" in the next sentence really destroys the impact of the build-up line, and the emotional impact of Adam standing up to the shadows and eventually killing himself.
I think you could make the climax more impactful if you hinted that this sort of thing has been going on for a long time, possibly even Adam's entire life. Maybe the shadows have slowly destroyed his life and sanity. Perhaps show us a flashback of Adam being given a chance at happiness and the shadows destroying it.
Maybe they've plagued him for years, always whispering and screaming around him, and all of this pressure has finally built up to the point that he's got nothing left to lose. Perhaps show us Adam thinking about what would happen if he let this continue. Maybe he realizes with a terrible certainty that he's going to die if he continues to do the shadow's wishes, and so makes one last attempt at finding peace. That might give his refusal more weight and impact. Anyway I hoped that was helpful. This is a great short story and I really enjoyed reviewing it!
Points: 911
Reviews: 9
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