I sat behind the car, waiting for the men to leave. They were searching the man’s body, looking for any valuables. I turned my head out to the water. It was a disgusting black. There used to be a time when the water was blue. People would go to the beach and swim in it or go fishing. It used to be a lot of fun. But now, if you set foot in it, you’d be infected by disease instantly.
There was a loud cracking sound, and then the ground began to shake. I poked my head up to see what it was, and saw an apartment building down the road was missing an entire wall. It must’ve fallen off. That’s also a normal thing here. All around, buildings are deteriorating. Once tall hotels and skyscrapers are now piles of rubble. Metal has all rusted, brick crumbles at the slight touch of your fingertips, and wood is all rotted. A few houses and buildings still stand, but they’re all taken by the few survivors. There seems to be a plus though. The overgrown vegetation provides a little more food, and lots of cover. The tree branches help from being seen on the ground if you’re careful enough. The grass is good to bring in wild animals, and also good for a quick getaway. But you always have to watch out for tree roots and smaller plants so you don’t trip over them.
I looked over to where I last saw the men, and they were still there. I sat down, and put my face in my hands to wipe away sweat. It seemed like the days were getting hotter and hotter. When I lifted my head, I came face to face with the little girl I saw earlier. Her eyes got really wide. I put a finger up to my mouth, and pointed over the car. She nodded, and kneeled down by me.
“What do you want kid?” I whispered. She just stared at me, like she was amazed seeing another girl. “What?”
“H-Have you seen my Daddy?” her voice was soft and shaky. I could see the tears swelling up in her eyes. “H-He went to get food… but he’s been gone for a while… and I...” the tears started rolling down her cheeks. She crawled over to me, and silently cried on my shoulder. I just sat there, not moving. I had no idea what to do, so I just let her cry. It seemed to last for 10 minutes, and then she sat up and said, “D-Do you think I could stay with you? J-Just until we find Daddy?” Taking her along meant another mouth to feed, keep healthy, and watch over… But she needs someone.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“I’m Mary Catharine. But everyone calls me Marcy.” She replied.
“My name is Ren.” I took my backpack off my back, and opened it up, pulling out a water bottle. I handed it to her, and she smiled. I peered over the car again, and the guys were gone. I put a finger to my lips, and grabbed her hand. We went over to a nearby tree, and I put her up on the nearest branch, then I climbed up. I sat there with her while she told me all about the artwork she made at school before this. I thought that it was pretty nice she thought about the good, even during times like this. We sat in the tree for 3 hours. I was trying to wait for her father, but I didn’t see any sign of human life out on the bridge. We couldn’t wait any longer. We were losing sunlight, and I needed to get her somewhere safe.
I hopped down from the branch and looked around. When I saw no one, I had Marcy get down.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Don’t worry. I’m taking you somewhere safe.” I replied. I pulled her up on my back, and she climbed up to my shoulders. “Try and be as quiet as you can.” She nodded, and we headed back down the way I first came from.
The road I was walking down had slabs of concrete sticking up everywhere, and climbing over those was difficult enough with just a backpack on my shoulders. Now I have a little girl… Keep going Ren. Do it for her. It took me almost an hour and a half to get up that street, but I did it. The sun was going down fast, I had to leg it out of here. The fastest I could get was a mild jog, but I’ll take whatever I can get. At every corner, I had to stop and check around it. The last thing I needed was someone shooting at us. We were about 6 blocks from my safe house. We could make it. We’re so close. We can-
I turned the next corner, and came face to face with a shotgun. Think Ren. Look at your surroundings. I looked around with my eyes to find a way out, but there was nothing.
“What do you got?” asked the person holding the gun.
“Nothing of importance. We just need to get through.” I replied.
“Give me the backpack, and I’ll let you go.”
If I gave it to him, I’d lose everything I worked so hard to get; food, water, clothing, weapons, and medicine. But not giving him the bag meant I’d be shot, and Marcy would be alone again… Think logical Ren. Use your street smarts. The shotgun holder cocked the gun. Fear was setting in. I survived this much… and this is how I’ll die…
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Endless Part IIIPoints:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
OK, glad you switched the font so it's not all bold. Now, I noticed a few spots where you wrote in the present tense. for example:
The fastest I could get was a mild jog, but I’ll take whatever I can get.
I think I saw one other part as well where it was present tense, besides that though I didn't see any errors. I like having the thoughts in bold. Usually they are in italic, but I think bold looks good as well.
The story is pulling me in farther and farther. Your chapters are short and action-packed, which I like. I enjoy shorter chapters and I enjoy action, so the combo is perfect.
Keep it up!
So, I haven't read your Part I yet, but after reading this I'm going to go back and do just that when I have time! I'm intrigued. I want to know more about this place and your character. Your style is wonderfully fluent and nicely suspenseful. I saw hardly (if any) mistakes and you mixed just the right amount of description, thought, and action to make me want to keep reading. Well done! I'm sorry I didn't read this earlier!
Thank you so much.